Having Kids is a Blessing, But So is Not Having Kids

When I was a child, I played with toy animals, not baby dolls. Becoming a mother was never on my “to do” list, and the thought of becoming pregnant repulsed me. While many women worry about their biological clock, I can’t wait until mine ticks out!

Does that make me a bad person? Absolutely not!

But some people have tried to make me feel like a bad person for my personal choices. I’ve heard ignorant negative comments like, “People who don’t have children are selfish.”

However, it’s the opposite. I’ve heard many childless women say they feel they can give more to society by not having kids. I feel the same way, as I am a giver in every sense of the word.

Some people implied that I “hate” kids. That is not true either. I love kids.

Some people implied that I’m not interested in having kids because I’d be a bad mom. People who really know me say that I’d be a good mom. I may have to disagree with this one, because I’m too much like a kid myself — it would take a lot out of me, emotionally, to discipline a kid. Seeing a child cry breaks my heart, it’s something I just can’t see myself living with.

But then my husband always points out that our cats are so good because I raised them from birth — and imagine what I could do if I raised a child from birth? I could have been the mom of a kid that grew up to move mountains!

Mind you, this article is not meant to be a competition of moms versus non-moms, but that women who choose not to have children should be equally celebrated and honored — not disrespected with ill comments from strangers and acquaintances. Because we all have so much to give to society. Non-moms are not sitting around in bed all day eating bon-bons!

On a positive note, when Mother’s Day comes around and strangers wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day” I kindly accept the compliment because I do feel like I am a mom in so many ways.

I’m a mom to two beautiful cats who — at ages 16 and 18 — have lived a lot longer than most cats. People who have children tend to “give up” on their animals, giving them away when the going gets rough. I’ve yet to know a non-mom who has done this. I have non-mom friends who should get a medal for their love for animals — going above and beyond the call of duty.

I may not have children, but I have articles — hundreds of them — that are informative and inspirational to society. (And trumping my own accomplishments, I know another woman who once said, “I don’t have children. I have albums.” You go girl!)

I may not have children, but I’ve influenced the lives of children. I used to baby sit a young girl named Claire (who is now of college age and still keeps in touch with me). When she was a little girl, she had to write a paper on someone who inspired her. She said that everyone was writing about their moms, but she wanted to write about me! So she interviewed me. A few weeks later, she asked if I could come to her class and give a lecture of journalism. With permission from my editor at the time, I gave a lecture to a class of fourth grade students. It was one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done in my life. After the class each kid lined up to shake my hand. One boy even asked me if I’d babysit him too! LOL!

Children always gravitate to me at parties and I’ve had parents thank me for playing with their kids when it was truly my pleasure. My husband’s niece has the cutest little boy named Brennan. When they come to visit, he always wants me to sit next to him. He knows he can count of me to play with him, something I really look forward too.

By not having the responsibility of children, I can be the best friend in the world! I’m the one who always answers phone calls and emails — at any time of the day no matter how busy I am (yes, childless women are very busy too!)

I pride myself on how emotionally giving I am to everyone. I’ll always be there to listen and go that extra mile that someone who has children just can’t do — and rightfully so because if you have kids, damn straight those kids should come first!

I get extremely defensive when children are being mistreated in public. I used to work part-time at Bath & Body Works. One day a mom was shopping and her little boy accidentally sprayed perfume in his eyes. I immediately ran to the sink to get a paper towel and water to help rinse his eyes.

To my horror, the mom said, “Don’t help him! Let him suffer! This way he’ll learn!”

I said, “No! It’s his eyes!” And I helped the little boy, disobeying the mother’s wishes!

I’m not looking for kudos here, I’m just illustrating how a non-mom can be extremely loving, regardless of what moms think of us.

And that while people tell others that their kids are a “blessing” — don’t forget about us who don’t have kids, because that is a blessing too!