Best Lesson of 2012

Published December 18, 2012 by Maryanne

MARYANNE -- Early 30sMe, in my 30s

“It’s better to walk a lonely path than be in the company of a fool.” — Buddha

In the past, I’ve been such a sucker when it comes to friendships. I’ve  hung on to debilitating friendships. I’ve been known to be too nice, give in too much and be too forgiving. I’ve let people who have hurt me in the past back into my life, only to wind up getting hurt over and over again.

But 2012, I’ve learned to  put a stop to all that.

My days are so much happier because I’ve been practicing (and succeeding) a very important lesson:

WHEN TO LET GO!

To me, these are the top three reasons to let go of a friendship:

1. When it’s exhausting. When friendships are too trying because a certain friend is too selfish or too self-centered or jealous; when you are getting tight pains in the chest just thinking of the drama a certain person causes in your life, it’s time to let go. When you are no longer excited about seeing that person and more worried about how your health will fare because he/she is too exhausting.

REMEMBER — YOUR HEALTH SHOULD COME FIRST!

2. When a person resorts to insults or digs. When a friend uses put downs during a disagreement (or worse, just in general!) Friends should never hurt each other verbally. You can agree to disagree, or avoid topics you disagree on, or just let something go. There is no reason to resort to put downs or name calling. We are not children and if you can’t have an adult friendship, it’s not worth it.

It also sucks when a person has to throw in a wise crack or dig to make him or herself feel better. I’ve felt myself falling prey to their jerkiness only to try even harder to get this person to like me more. This is not a healthy friendship and needs to be let go of. It’s devastating to feel you have to try to win someone’s approval.

A real friend will accept you as you are and be supportive of who you are, not belittle you!

YOU ARE SPECIAL — DON’T LET ANYONE TAKE THAT FROM YOU!

3. When someone isn’t there for you. When one person is always calling the other one it really sucks. Friendships are give and take. If you feel like you are doing all the calling, all the emailing  and always making suggestions to get together, just let it go, this person is obviously not that into you. Move on to someone better, who can share your successes and be there if you need a shoulder to cry on! A former friend of mine always seemed to disappear whenever something really good was happening in my life because she was jealous of me. My husband picked up on this, but I gave her chance after chance after chance. But mind you, if someone is jealous, unless she/he gets counseling, there will never be a true friendship. Jealousy is an ugly disease and a jealous person does not make for a good friend.

All this said, my life is now filled with amazing people — 2012 was the BEST year for friendships!

Whenever you are brave enough to let go of something that is not a positive in your life, the universe opens up so many doors for either new good things, or more good from the old!

Since I dropped a few negative people from my life (some in horrible, ugly ways because I just could not stand it anymore and not only had to close the door, but SLAM it shut; and others in a more subtle drifting apart kinda way — mainly because I feared the psycho drama that would occur if I confronted a certain person).

It’s such a relief to let go. There is no need for friendships that are ego-driven or happening because a certain person calls you only when he or she is lonely and has nothing better to do. Or if a person makes it known that he or she is so BUSY and you are resorted to feeling like an obligation!

There may be another reason to let go that isn’t so drastic. Perhaps you and a friend are just going in different directions for a brief period. If there is no exchange of bad words and if you really like a person and know that that person really likes you too, the separation period may be brief and he or she will return to your life when the time is right. In these situations it’s not really letting go, but perhaps merely going with the flow, like the tide of the ocean. And that is a good thing!

The final result of letting go is a beautiful inner peace,

Knowing that ALL the people who remain in your life really care about you and love you.

Thank you to God and the Universe for giving me the tools to make the right decisions when it comes to friendships. And thank you for bringing all these amazing people into my life that I can truly call friends!

Thank you to all my friends for loving me and caring about me!

Know how very important and precious you are to me!

I love you!

16 comments on “Best Lesson of 2012

  • Awww, I love this blog. You hit the nail on the head about when to let go. I agree with all your statements about ending certain relationships that no longer work.

    That said I consider you on of my best friends! Your so much more interesting, funny, loving, and have such a great aura about you than a lot of my past “friends” could ever be.

    I also love the Buddha quote.

    I used to say a similar saying but not as classy – “It’s better to be alone than surrounded by assholes!”

    I wish you a lifetime of fabulous friends and hope we grow old together and can go out for “senior specials” at Veggie Heaven! LOL!

    • Aww, well you know you’re definitely one of the top people I had in mind when writing all the positives! You too, you’re interesting, artistic, fun and funny! I can’t wait to see you on Christmas! I LOVE YOU GINA! Ha-ha, Veggie Heaven senior specials would be fun 🙂

  • Fantastic Maryanne, sooooo much truth in this post. I just finished writing my book in which I dedicated a few chapters to the development and enforcement of strong personal boundaries, and getting toxic people out of your life. That sounds so harsh but it’s not doing anyone any good if your health and sanity is suffering due to a relationship.

    And I totally agree, when you shut the door on some people, you open it for those who are more respectful and loving and compatible. I also love the way you describe the physical sensations of contraction, nausea, fatigue when you think of spending time with someone.

    The body has so much wisdom, it never lies, if only we’d listen to it more often in regards to those we choose to spend our time with. I can’t tell you how many times I ignored my body feeling warnings about something or someone only for it to be proven right later on. Always trust those sensations!

    Great post, thanks for sharing 🙂

    Rohan.

  • Thanks for the reminder of self-worth Maryanne… very important not to let others disrespect or devalue who you are!! I have very few “special” friends who have always been supportive and respectful. The others are “friends for a season” and have been friends for reason, such as being single and going out together, doing sporting events or work together!!!
    I have found they are “conditional” relationships and shortlived.

    • Yeah, I agree with you, especially about the “work friends.” You leave a company and never see them again, which is very sad that people don’t want to make an effort. But I figure, their loss. I’m so happy to hear that you have the top ones though. My grandmother always said one good friend is all you need 🙂

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