Head Over Heels Love Exists – And Lasts! (So Don’t Settle!)

Published July 11, 2013 by Maryanne

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It always breaks my heart when I read articles that try to steer people away from head over heels type love, saying it won’t last or that you’ll only set yourself up for disappointment, that emotional love isn’t good, blah, blah, blah …

Even some of my friends have tried to fall in love with someone they aren’t that attracted to or have seen as just a friend and figured they’d try it because “he’s a nice guy.”

No. Don’t go there. It won’t work.

Take it from me, happily married almost two years to a guy I’ve been with almost eight, and crushed on when I was a teenager. I was head over heels from our first official date and still am. The good news is, so is he!

To me, I’ve always believed in intense chemistry. I feel that God puts that chemistry there for a reason. If you’re not feeling the rockets, don’t go there as you’ll only set yourself up for future disappointment as one or the other will find excuses to get out. If you’re not feeling the rockets, it’s God’s way of saying he/she isn’t the right one.

Not only am I super attracted to my husband, he’s a great guy too. When I think of “best friend” he is it. Eight years into this relationship and I’m still seeing stars and fireworks. He still surprises me with gifts, is supportive of my career, does great things around the home … and best of all, stops me from doing whatever I’m doing so we can take a minute or two for a slow dance!

This is what love is and how life should be lived.

So, please, ladies (and guys), no matter how old you are or what you’ve been through in life, do not follow the advice of having to settle. You CAN find someone you think is super attractive (who feels the same way about you), adores you, can be your best friend, and love will continue to grow as you age, not fizzle.

If it wasn’t for my husband, trust me, I’d be ALONE and happy at that. I would never waste my time with anyone if I wasn’t head over heels (and if he didn’t feel the same way as I did).

And just as head over heels love exists, so does equality. When I took sex education in high school the teacher said in all relationships there is one partner that seems more caring than the other. I will say, that is not true! In a good, genuine, true love relationship, it can and will be definitely be EQUAL! No tits for tats. It will be THAT close.

Old fashioned, over the top love is still in vogue!

Which reminds me of this great song by Japan, from the 1980s, telling us that love is in vogue, while the couple in the song sets themselves up for heartbreak. Reminds me of people who try to make it work when it ain’t working. Don’t let that be you, because it CAN work! Find the person to make it work with. Don’t waste time when it’s not happening. But worse of all — don’t settle!

 

 

 

28 comments on “Head Over Heels Love Exists – And Lasts! (So Don’t Settle!)

    • I think so too 🙂

      When I was dating, I dated a lot! Sometimes I questioned myself if I gave up too quickly on some people, but knew in my heart it wasn’t “the one” even when the guy was pretty darn great. It’s simple, if you don’t stick around with the wrong one, you’re that much closer to meeting the right one 🙂

  • You give all of us hope, Maryanne. I’ve chosen not to settle but that came with experience and having to learn some hard lessons. I don’t know if it’s meant to be for me and I am happy and very blessed in my now single life. You made me feel hopeful again. I’m so happy for both you and your husband that you found each other! Terrific post and great advice!

    • Now this is perfect to hear! I too was happy in my single life. There’s nothing wrong with being single — it’s fun and exciting, as is married life. It’s awesome when people can embrace whatever path they are on. That means you really know how to live! 🙂

  • I agree Maryanne! Head-over-heals love exists and it can last too. But, I don’t always think it works (it didn’t work with my first husband, that’s for sure!). I was more selective the second time around, however; and didn’t just go for the first guy I had feelings for. I waited until I found the head-over-heals feelings with a guy who I really connected with as a friend too. And it’s working fabulously! We celebrate our 5th anniversary in August. It’s wonderful that you’ve found this too Maryanne – we’re both fortunate. Celeste 🙂

    • Congratulations! What day in August?

      Yeah, my point wasn’t falling for every head over heels guy, but I wanted to illustrate how important chemistry is. Some people give up, think they’ll never find someone so they settle for something they’re not attracted to. But as Iggy Pop says, you gotta have that TV eye 😉

      • I have to be honest with you, after I got divorced I stopped believing in love for awhile – a long while! I started going out with a guy who was good to me, but I didn’t love him. I almost married him, but I couldn’t go through with it. Then I was alone for a long time and refused to settle. I’m so glad I was willing to wait, because my husband and I are so right for each other. I can’t imagine being married to someone you don’t love. Yes, chemistry is important and worth waiting for. My anniversary is August 31. Great post girlfriend! Celeste 🙂

  • The two sad things I observe from other relationships is 1- thinking a person will change. If you think a person needs to change, they aren;t for you – love them for what they are. the other is the “tit for tat” thing. Couples need to realize there will be times when one partner does more than the other, but it should always balance out. The important thing is to know how to show appreciation to your partner when they are needing (and willing) to carry some extra weight for a little while. Then there is the stupidity of “well, he bought that, so I am gonna buy this – that will show him!” Ugggggg I can’t stand that – well, I wont be too long here. I actually wrote a post about this a while back -“The conditions of unconditional love” BUt I totally agree that true, deep, meaningful, head over heels in love DOES exist. I have been married to the man of my dreams for 25 years! That, I feel, is something to be proud of. I just think people should realize even the best relationships take work.

    • Aw, that’s really sweet. I totally agree about not changing people — but might add the reason I feel so hard for my husband is because he changed, WITH THE TIMES! When I saw him at his band’s reunion, the other guys all had the same hairstyles and look from long time ago. My husband cut his hair and looked absolutely gorgeous. I was like, “WHOA, this guy doesn’t look a day over 35 but he’s gotta be at least 40!” (He was 46 at the time.)

      Then once we started talking, I saw he had the same qualities as I did. He was a person who grew and changed as life went on. Not someone who lived in the past. I was like, “I will NEVER get bored of this guy!” And I was correct.

      As for tit-for-tat, that’s such a ridiculous concept and I’m glad I don’t see it in relationships (I do see it here in the blogging world though and I can’t stand it!)

      I disagree about relationships being “work” though. I don’t feel like it’s work at all. In fact, the best relationship advice was from a girl who once said, “It shouldn’t be work.” (However, that chick should have taken that advice in regard to friendships … I stopped being her friend because it was WORK! LOL!)

      And with that, I’d like to add another goodie … while most people say true love is when someone is always on your mind; I say true love is when you forget about someone too. In the bad relationships I was always thinking of the person, worrying why it wasn’t working, worrying because the person was too controlling/possessive, etc., worrying if I was doing something wrong … With Dennis, sometimes I forget I’m even married because I feel so free. That was my “ah-ha” moment when I was dating him. It was like, wow, true love really is different than infatuation. You feel the rockets without the stress! I love that comfort and security I never felt before.

      • Oh yes great point about the person not always being on your mind. I get that totally. I feel the same way. And change is good for sure, we all need to evolve, who wants to stay with someone who stays stuck in another decade emotionally and or any other way. But I have to say, love and marriage is work. I didnt realize that until my husband and I had been married for about 7 years and had two kids. We were married 5 years before we had kids, so life was pretty easy before that. But wIth my husband working, traveling and trying to finish his degree and me trying to go to school and take care of kids – it was A LOT of work. Not necessarily hard work, but it took effort to put somethings aside and make time for each other, especially when there are so many other demands and commitments. I think it is sad when couples dont recognize they need to work to make a marriage work.

        And I think you know the kind of change I am talking about – ‘oh he’ll quit drinking when we get married’, “oh she will manage money better when we get married…” There are often warning signs that people choose to ignore when they are blinded by love. Although my husband and I are not exactly the same as we were when we married, the natural growth and evolution of a person is to be expected, I am glad we have grown together in the same direction. But that took work – work at communicating goals, putting individual needs and wants on hold. I am so thankful i have the husband I have. I see way too many people give up when things get a little difficult. I guess it is through those hard times that you learn just how strong your relationship is. And I am thankful for them.

      • Oh, I see what you’re saying now, “work” to make time for each other — yes, definitely, especially around the holidays when there are so many other parties and obligations. We don’t have kids so it’s easier … although going through a rough time with Billy being so sick, it’s actually bringing us closer than ever. We do make that “us” time though, it’s so important 🙂

  • Such excellent advice! When my mommy was in college and one of her friends announced that she was engaged, my mommy was kind of surprised, and I guess it showed because then that friend said to my mommy, “Well, I’m about to graduate and who knows if I’ll ever meet someone else.” Oh, my mommy was so sad for this friend that she just wanted to cry. That friend is still married, and my mommy is still sad for her. Do not settle. Wait. And always remember that it’s better to be alone and happy with yourself than in a relationship and miserable or less than you could be.

    • Right on! I’m like your mommy, I was young in the 1980s when desperate women were getting married left and right. I was such an outcast. People, back then, made you feel like you were worthless if you didn’t have someone. I’m so glad I didn’t go with their flow. Perfect proof that the best things in life are worth waiting for 🙂

  • Awesome!!! I LOVE this beyond words! Just celebrated #14 (together 17) and could NOT agree with you MORE!! I wish this for everyone — but NEVER forget to count my blessings…So happy you found the magic too. xoxo

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