Still Mourning

Published September 6, 2013 by Maryanne

Billy in heavenBilly in Heaven

(This isn’t really Billy, but the cat picture looked so much like him and a friend made this for us).

Three days after the death of my beloved Billy, age 19, my husband and I are still devastated. Even our little Derick, 17 (and still like a kitten) is mourning.

I was talking about Billy on the phone this morning and when Derick heard, “Billy” his face lit up. He looks in his spots, looking for him.

This is a very sad time.

And in three days, so many coincidences relating to Billy.

For instance, the other day I mentioned how Billy seemed to love the song “Papa Gene’s Blues” and that was Billy’s song. That song was written by Mike Nesmith and right after Billy passed, Nesmith wrote on his Face Book page that his dog died.

Whenever I heard the song, “Lying Eyes” by The Eagles, I changed the words to “Lion Eyes” for Billy because he really had that lion look about him. Two days after Billy’s passing, I heard “Lying Eyes” on the radio.

I always called Billy the “Forest Gump of cats” because he was just like Forest Gump — simple but wise. Yesterday my husband and I were in a record store and my husband finds a “Forest Gump” soundtrack.

Then for the first time in almost two weeks I get an assignment from Paterson Press. To cover a tribute to the late Senator Lautenberg, who was an animal lover and did so much for the humane society.

Everything that popped up in the last three days was either related directly to Billy, or related to animals in general.

We received so many kind words and cards from our friends and family members. It’s so sweet to know there are so many animal lovers out there. We loved our Billy Cat so very much. It’s so sad walking around in a dream-like state. Nothing seems real and nothing makes me happy — not a good meal, not a nice haircut, nothing. I am numb and my eyes are puffy from crying.

In church the other day I told an elderly couple. I overheard the wife say, “That is so sad. She’s never sad.”

I told my husband to hide Billy’s toys because they are making me too depressed.

He was just a GOOD animal. Never scratched anything (he wasn’t de-clawed, neither is the other one), never destroyed anything. Both of my cats were just GOOD. And this is a huge loss to us.

For once I have nothing happy to say. But I do know it will get easier down the road and I look forward to that.

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17 comments on “Still Mourning

  • ◉✄♥☞♬✏✱❋❣✿✯✯senDing love and i knoW billy would love you are getting his messAges .. he is still watching over you .xxxxx

    Sent from my iPhone !!!~(*v*)~>^:^<!!! ƸӜƷ*~* ☾~✼* ✼~☀✼♩ ♫_❤*★

  • It will definitely take a while for you to get over your loss, just like it did for me with my 16 year old cockatiel, Xavier. We can’t share this much of our lives with someone and not have them leave a lasting impression on our hearts and minds.

    Your grief will pass, but not soon… 😦

    • Yes, I remember when you wrote about the cockatiel! It makes sense it will take awhile. This is the worst I felt since my grandmother died, and shame, the book I’m writing I’m now at the part where several people I met in the music industry all died (all women and all way too young and coincidentally the day before the anniversary of the death of one of them!) It’s like, aw, man, I am so sick of death!

  • It is sad – and a reminder that we’re all on a journey from the cradle to the grave. We will all leave this journey, some sooner than others, It’s good that we don’t travel alone and that you had Billy with you for part of that journey. The Creator of all of us knows your pain and grieves with you.

  • *hugs* I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I like the idea of the signs around the world, though– I think that’s the universe giving you chances to grieve properly. I’ll be sending you & yours some strength & love to get through it all.

  • Oh, Miss Maryanne, my mommy and I are so very sad for you. It took her a long, long time to get over the loss of Talbot, the Golden Retriever who preceded me. It’s been about 10 years and sometimes she still cries. It gets better, she promises, but it never goes away completely, and that’s probably how it should be. Hope you’re doing a bit better today. 🙂

    • Thanks so much Miss Harper Lee. Today is one of the better days. (I also lost my uncle and mentor this week so it’s not a good time — although Billy meant the most to me of all of them). He lives on in our hearts. We have soooo many pictures and videos. We’ll be getting the ashes and paw print soon, which will give us some sweet closure. Thanks so much for your kind words. xo

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