Why We’re Not “Friends” on Face Book

Published November 20, 2014 by Maryanne

face book

Unlike others who have a list of 500+ friends on Facebook, I like to keep my list very low … like under 100.

One time someone joked to me that I was acting like a judge on American Idol, eliminating contestants that didn’t make the cut. No, that’s not it. For me, it’s just keeping it real. “Less” means “more” because then I have time to read everything that people I really connect with write.

Since I was a teenager back in the 1980s, once a year I took the time to re-write a new personal phone book. I eliminated people that didn’t return my phone calls. Why would I want to keep old numbers that I don’t use? It didn’t make sense.

Fast forward to the 21st Century, it’s so much easier to delete than write an entire new phone book, though I find myself deactivating old Face Book pages and starting new ones in order to not hurt feelings. But eventually people find out. I can’t imagine what goes through their heads because those who confront me for unfriending them … damn, it’s as if I burned their house down!

But, honestly, people … can we please act a little more grown up about Face Book? I’m entitled to my Facebook policies and I think my reasons for unfriending someone are pretty reasonable.

#1. I never hear from you.Β I believe in being honest. I don’t use the “hide” feature. So if I’m liking and commenting on another person’s photos, updates, etc. and they’ve stopped coming to my page, I assume I’m being “hidden.” So, if someone isn’t jiving with what I’m writing, why keep them on board? It’s pointless.

#2. Your marketing techniques were too obvious. I’m a creative person, so of course I meet many creative types. I’m also self-employed and I know all the Facebook marketing tricks of friending as many people as possible to get them to “like” your business pages. I did that too at one time. It helped me sell a few books and got me a few clients. But in my spiritual growth, I realized that’s not how I want to get clients. I’d rather get them authentically, the old fashioned way — word of mouth/referrals and good ol’ Craig’s List. That’s the way I got my best clients, so I’m sticking to what works. Facebook is now, for me, more about friendship and less about marketing.

Sometimes I meet someone on an events page or a music page, etc. and they seem really nice at first. Then I realize they’re just trying to jack up business by getting someone to “like” their pages and go to their events/concerts/etc. This makes me feel more like a “fan” than a “friend.”

In my six years of being on Face Book, I have only two friends who are truly authentic in liking my business pages just as much as I honestly like theirs. And I’m fine with that. I don’t need more “likes” for my business page. My business is doing great, thank you very much!

#3. You’re of a clique mindset. I can’t deal and won’t deal with a clique mentality. I’m inspired by individuality and I seek to “friend” those who I can aspire to be like. When I see one person up another person’s ass all the time, or a certain group ignoring other friends and family members it’s a big turn off. Just remember, “To belittle is to BE LITTLE” — which means hurting people by making them feel left out doesn’t make you a big deal, it makes you small.

Some of my biggest inspirations on Facebook are people who are either individuals or community-oriented (not clique-oriented). So reach out and touch someone who is a little different than you — you’ll reap massive rewards from the universe.

#4. Instincts. You know when you get a gut feeling someone doesn’t like you? You’re usually right.

#5. You make Facebook a combat zone. I’m a live and let live type. I’m a paleo eater who has vegan friends; a Democrat with Republican friends; a spiritually open-minded person who believes in many things who has friends that are Christians and atheists; a happily married woman who has friends who are happily single … and so on … you get the picture. What never ceases to amaze me are the people who can’t wait to argue with you online and force their opinions down your throat. This is when the “ban” feature comes in handy.

#6. Tit for tat. When someone is obviously only “liking” something of mine only because I liked something of theirs. That’s so phoney and annoying. And it’s just as annoying when in a matter of seconds someone scrolls down your entire page and presses “like” five, 10, or 15 times which brings something you wrote two weeks ago to the top of the news feed.

#7 People who are ONLY around when things get rough. I’m a happy person. So happy that one of my clients nicknamed me “Happy Pants.” So when you’re happy, 95 percent of what you write in blogs or on Face Book/Twitter is HAPPY.

I’m no better than anyone else. I’m an average middle-aged woman who just happens to enjoy life and follows my dreams: as a journalist, public speaker and author. But sad to say this makes people very jealous (when they could be doing the same things, they just don’t initiate it). So of course you’ll never hear from these people. They’ll never give a compliment (and I’m not alone in this, Meryl Streep once said something about disliking women who never give compliments … I have to agree). You never hear BOO from these people … UNTIL you have that one bad day. THEN all of a sudden, they want to comfort you. That is so fake. As a parody of these types of people, I once wrote as my update: “Thanks to everyone who was there for me when things were really good.”

One person got it πŸ™‚

 

8 comments on “Why We’re Not “Friends” on Face Book

  • You make some very valid points here. Since deactivating my Facebook only a (very) small fraction of my so called ‘friends’ list have been and kept in contact with me. This is the sad reality. In the world of Facebook you’re just another number to the friends list. Because more friends means more popular, right? Wrong! It just means people get lost in a sea of people (they probably don’t even know!) let’s face it, who knows 1 thousand people?!

    Like you, I kept my friends to barely 100 people. I kept ‘culling’ old school friends who hadn’t been in contact since I joined Facebook… 6 years ago!!! There’s no point in being friends with people who have no intention of ever getting in contact.

    Geez, I’m starting to rant again. I better go cool down! Hehe

    Great post πŸ™‚

    • You could have kept going, I love your rants. It’s refreshing when someone is on the same page. For a moment there I thought I was crazy and the only one who thought this way because it seems the whole world is Face Book obsessed, friend collectors and the types who won’t rock the boat. But I’ll always be that black sheep who calls people on their shit and tells it like it is. Nice to meet a kindred spirit πŸ˜‰

      • High five to that! When I deactived my Facebook, my friends started to question my sanity…but really, us non-facebookers are a little more sane than those aimless scrollers, like 4 likers, selfie-taking, humble braggers! (Well, thats what I tell myself anyway!)

        And yes! So good to meet someone who is on the same page! (Although I don’t think we are alone! There are many a Facebook loather out there!)

      • You know when people scroll, scroll, scroll though newsfeeds like on facebook and twitter. My husband does it ALL the time! Even if we’re going out for a meal, he’ll get his phone out and start scrolling and when he looks up, i’ll give him the ‘look of doom’ and he’ll quickly put it back into my pocket …. The serial scroller!

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