If NJ is the Armpit of the U.S., Short Hills is the B.O.

Published May 6, 2015 by Maryanne


Like Wart Hills, New Jersey

Yesterday I had a Julia Roberts in “Pretty Women” moment.

I was refused service because I’m not as “rich” as the cliques from the area I was shopping in yesterday. I can’t say the name of the venue because when I sent an email complaining to the owner, I promised I wouldn’t (and I always keep my promises). Let’s just say it was an eatery in Short Hills (or as I now callย  it, WART HILLS) — where I was ignored while a wrinkly, miserable, too-skinny bitch took care of everyone who came in AFTER me.

Like Julia Roberts said, “Bad move.”

I’m Italian — and we are known for being generous and big tippers. And when I go to a place that’s a little out of my price range, I only go when business is good, so I’m not price haggling (like “rich” people usually do). Hell, half the time I throw things in my bag without even looking at the price tag! I’m not rich, but I am generous and spend like a rich person. (And am very rich in spirit because I’m always smiling and happy). So that lady missed out on very sweet tip.

Plus, you never know who you are talking to — and a professional writer (that would be me) is the LAST person you wanna piss off.

I had a similar experience over the weekend when I refused service at a hair salon in Denville. Let me say, I was dressed beautifully in a summer dress, but people do smell an outsider and in certain towns in New Jersey, that’s what they do because they have nothing better to do than size you up and cast you out in order to feed their egos.

But it’s funny, because one woman who was giving me an evil eye, looking down on me, had her husband right next to her checking me out. Ha! Guys always check out a good looking woman no matter how rich or poor she is. That goes back to Frankie Vali days with the song “Rag Doll” praising the girl from the poor side of town who has got it going on — yeah!

Maybe that’s what gets the goat of these uptight gold-digging c*nts? They spend so much money on themselves yet they are still SO INSECURE that they have to make other women FEEL BAD in order for themselves to feel good.

We all know sexuality goes right to the bone — you don’t need fancy clothes, botox or to be super thin to BE HOT. It must piss these rich bitches off to no end that their husbands, who are contributing to their seven figure salary, are checking out the middle class ladies. HA!

And while we are always speaking of racism and age-ism, etc. let me say here that prejudice against people (especially women vs. women) who are in a lower tax bracket is equally disgusting. Why is this not addressed more often? Why does a lot of money make someone “better” when all it really means is you know how to make a lot of money — that’s all.

Some of the smartest, classiest, prettiest, nicest, talented, creative, most spiritual, etc. people I know are in lower tax brackets.

And these people LAUGH at the Short Hills, New Jersey and their “vastly superior” mentality. Their uniform is hilarious: the attitude, the botox, fish lips, the yoga pants and the prance. For people who make a lot of money, you’d probably expect something just a little more unique, right? It’s like watching a realty show. Or, wait, it IS a reality show! It’s the Housewives of Wart Hills!

And before people think this is a diss on wealthy people in New Jersey, it’s not at all. It’s just certain lily-white areas that you see this kind of wealth-isms like: Millburn and Short Hills, Livingston, Chatham, Madison, Denville, some areas of Montclair (and as a former Montclair resident, it always cracked me up because they separated Montclair from Upper Montclair — BUT the real super mansions were NOT in Upper Montclair, yet those from UPPER Montclair insisted on the “UPPER” when they wrote “Letters to the Editor” to The Montclair Times).

There are wealthy areas in New Jersey where you get no attitude at all — like Princeton, where young men actually hold doors open for you. No one seems to be in a hurry down there and it has a genuine sense of richness, like an old Hollywood movie. Classes can mingle beautifully and we are all one.

My favorite beach in New Jersey is in one of the wealthiest areas: Spring Lake. And while on the beach in the summer, the residents treat my husband and I as if we live there too. It’s always a beautiful experience.

And in Hudson and Bergen counties, where there is more of a variety of ethnic groups, you get a better class of people too. It’s very old school, like living in the 1970s again when people were polite and respectable to each other.

I worked as a journalist most of my adult life and have been to homes of super wealthy people who treated me as an equal, like Paul Kolby who ran New York City’s Bitter End. He lived in Montclair and was one of those who didn’t fit the Montclair stereotype. A very down to earth man, he was, may he rest in peace.

And one of the richest rock stars in the world, Steven Tyler, was an absolute doll to me when I met him at the funeral of his ex-wife Cyrinda Foxe (who I had become close with during my career in music journalism). You’d never see someone like Steven Tyler looking down on others. He’s the salt of the earth.

And guess what else? One of my best friends lives in Short Hills — and she is NOTHING like the imbeciles who trot around thinking they are better than everyone else. She’s the nicest, coolest person in the world — a real angel on earth!

So, it’s all these great experiences I have to focus on before I get myself all caught up in a “rich” stereotype (that is very real). I have to remember that just because a certain clique of people think they are better than others, it’s not me who lacks class — it’s them. (Yeah, I know, another cliche, “money can’t buy you class” — but it’s true!) And I refuse to have these idiots break me and turn me into one of them by reacting as they would.

There are two things I always say to myself when I am a victim of wealth-ism (or in any situation where someone tries to belittle me or put me down so they could make themselves feel BIGGER):

1. Something a friend said a long time ago, which was GENIUS. “Some people think they are better than others. Some people’s math is wrong.”

AND … my favorite …

2. To belittle is to BE LITTLE.

Or I can just be really funny and tell these delusional jerks they remind me of the toque macque monkeys who have a caste system. Oh … no … wait … those monkeys are so much cuter than the residents of Wart Hills, New Jersey will ever be!


9 comments on “If NJ is the Armpit of the U.S., Short Hills is the B.O.

  • Living in Seaside Heights for a few years I witnessed the most horrible practices of the rich. Children urinating on the boadwalk and trash being thrown from Mercede’s and BMW’s. And the attitudes were like no one else matters but them as if everyone is below them. They truly are the trash of society.

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