Thoughts and Dreams (An Author’s Pre-Publish Excitement and Jitters)

Published May 18, 2015 by Maryanne

Darlene - Hallowed GroundPhoto of me, by Darlene Foster

I’ve always been of the mindset that we all have psychic powers within us and are able to guide ourselves through life by messages from the universe. I use these techniques in various ways. Because when we open our eyes, the signs are always there right in front of us. One time I was very sad about something and on a very windy day, a piece of light cardboard with a photo on it appeared in my backyard. The cardboard looked like a CD cover. I picked it up and it was a perfume called “Angel.” I took it as an omen that an angel was telling me things were going to be alright. And they were.

For the past few months I’ve been trying to self-publish my second book, “Love Cats.” I’m incredibly tense about it because it’s my first work of fiction and has four major sex scenes since it’s about singles in their 20s. As a former writer for “Screw” and “Gasm” I must say these are not your boring cliche simultaneous orgasm modern romance novel sex scenes. These are sex scenes as people really have sex … fumbling for condoms, or the WIO method, nervousness, trying to unhook bras, first time same-sex experiences … you get the picture. Nothing is left to the imagination. So you can see why I’m nervous about getting this stuff published.

“Love Cats” also deals with parental neglect, heartache, friendship break-ups and a main character who is unkind to animals. The more I re-read my book, the more frightened, yet anxious I am about having it published. Frightened because though it has it’s humorous situations, it’s incredibly intense.

The intensity reached my subconscious in sleep last night, when a beautiful brunette woman came to me, smiling, and wanting to be friends. I had no idea who she was. This image continued to haunt me throughout the morning as I tried to figure out who she was. Then when I was looking up famous musicians birthdays for the day, I saw that it was the birthday of Martika. I was unfamiliar with her work, except for the song “Toy Soldiers.” I Googled what she looked like, and that was the girl in my dream! So I searched for the answers in “Toy Soldiers” and immediately after reading the lyrics, I felt the pain of the characters in my fictitious “Love Cats.” Beck and Janey, loved so deeply and were going through a rough time, with much heartache and tears … something I haven’t known in ages since I am so happily ecstatic with my husband and soul mate.

I had to dig to the darkest corners of my soul to come up with these feelings expressed in “Love Cats.” How I felt, hurt in my 20s, and then exaggerated it ten-fold in order to creative good fiction because in my 20s I had such a “devil may care” attitude about everything bad that happened to me. I didn’t know real pain until I reached my 30s. After the death of my grandmother, it was like, so this is what heartache really feels like.

“Toy Soldiers” could have been a perfect accompaniment to my soundtrack for “Love Cats” even though it’s not in the new wave/dark wave genre of other work I’ve included such as Iggy Pop, The Cure, Joy Division, Kate Bush and so on …

As I was making friend with the woman in my dream, I’m making “friends” with what her song represents — that yeah, this book is harsh and I just have to take a deep breath and just put it out there. JUST LET GO!

Oh, and there is part two.

Also in the dream was a friend of a friend I lost touch with. Why was this person in the dream? We barely ever spoke to each other. But the cool thing was, we respected each others work. I always loved the bands this guy played in. And he came to one of my live poetry presentations and said he liked it. When I used to be on Face Book, this same person gave me the “thumbs up” when my first book, “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” was published. So I looked him up. He was easy to find because does a lot. He’s also less than six degrees separated from Iggy Pop … which is another connection to “Love Cats” because as I noted before, I wrote to Hal Leonard to gain permission to use Iggy’s lyrics in “Mass Production.”

So what this is all telling me is that all roads are leading to “Love Cats.”

“Love Cats” “Love Cats” “Love Cats” — that is all that’s been on my mind all day and night as I wait to get my paperback copy to approve in the mail. Hopefully this week. And hopefully, if goes as planned, pre-sales will be on Barnes & Noble Store and Amazon THIS WEDNESDAY!

I’m obsessively imagining who I’d love to play my characters in a movie. In spite of my descriptive words and what the book cover illustrates, I dream of a young Laura Leighton as my leading lady, Janey Peyton. Just both her in some goth clothes and she’s good to go.

laura leightonLaura Leighton

And the late Razzle from Hanoi Rocks is definitely the look I want for my Beck Stewart character. Let’s undead him for my movie! Beck is the hard-working, humble romantic who is madly in love with Janey.

Razzle-hanoi-rocks-34007384-400-574

Razzle (Hanoi Rocks)

I’d also want to go back in time, to get a very young Nicolas Cage to play Adam Durian, the eccentric, egotistical famous rock photographer. This character was so grand, he just had to be named after a fruit such as the Durian — a fruit that makes an entrance.

nicolas cageNicolas Cage

Then there is Morticia (or “Tish Girl” as Beck calls her) the green-eyed black Maine Coon, who is Beck’s pride and joy. Problem is, Janey hates cats. Can this beautiful little bugger change her mind?

black-smoke-maine-coon-cat

Maine Coon cat

And what happens when a little orange fur ball shows up on Janey’s doorstep during her darkest hour? Does she turn a blind eye to a kitten in need? Or does she remain a cat hater?

Pumpkin

Little Pumpkin

Is anyone enticed for the soon to be released “Love Cats”?

back cover proof CORRECTLove Cats back and front cover

 COMING SOON ON AMAZON AND BARNES & NOBLE STORE!

(KINDLE TOO!)

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