I Survived The Master Cleanse in 2008!

Published April 7, 2022 by Maryanne
Photo swiped from Google search

On this day in 2008, I began The Master Cleanse. It’s a 10-day cleanse fast to recharge your system.

It was quite an experience and I would not recommend it prior to reading “The Master Cleanse” by Stanley Burroughs, as there is a science to doing it the correct way, as opposed to jumping in blindly.

From my diaries, I am sharing my 10 days right here! (Note, I had just left a very stressful job in journalism at The Montclair Times, where I was employed for seven years. I wrote briefly about it during the cleanse, and I left out more personal things like what my husband (then, boyfriend) and I did. He went on the cleanse with me, which was awesome!

Master Cleanse – Day 1 (a.m.)
So the preparation started last night, with a laxative tea that I’ll be drinking morning and evening to move the stuff along since I won’t be eating any food.

I’ll also be taking a parasite cleanse and enzymes.

I can still take B5 if I get caffinated tea withdrawal symptoms, but so far so good. Yesterday I got on just fine with a quarter cup of tea. I took the B5 and made it through the day with no headache. 

I was very hyper last night and had some insomnia — which never bothers me, I always embrace it. I’m pretty wrapped up in a V.C. Andrews book, “Music in the Night.” That is my night reading.

In the day, before work, I’m reading the newest Marianne Williamson book, but I’m taking a break from that to read the back issues of Pure Inspiration. 

My fortune in the laxative tea said, “YOU ARE UNLIMITED”

How appropriate for the first day of the cleanse.

I’ll finish my tea, check out some journals and start my day with some yoga and weights.

Then I’ll make my first Master Cleanse drink. 

Disclamer: Do not try this at home without taking a Master Cleanse class. These notes are just my experiences. This is an intense cleanse and can be dangerous if not done properly. If my own body tells me to stop the cleanse, I will.

Master Cleanse Day 2 (a.m.)

So I can definitely feel this working … weird things going on in my stomach. Mind you I am doing a parasite cleanse along with the Master Cleanse (yes, I am a tuff one!) 

At one point it felt like someone was writing on my stomach with a pencil. Strange sensations, but nothing painful. My stomach also bloated like a big balloon.

Until 2 p.m. when the headaches began. This is nothing new, as I’ve had a lot of migraines of late when I had all that stress at The Montclair Times. I also felt extremely tired. 

I embraced the tiredness. It reminded me of — not a stressful tired, but a tired I felt in my younger years. The kind of tired I felt when I only slept an hour because I came home so late from seeing Johnny Thunders (shows started and ended a lot later back then) … so I’d go to work anyway because I was always the go-getter, and slept in my car. THAT is the kind of tired I like! A subtle tired, something I never really felt much after the age of 25. It was always like, I was pretty spent the next day when I partied or saw a band … not like being 18 and drinking all day and night and doing it again the next day.

ANYWAY … I napped, Dennis took care of me …. then before I was ready for bed, I felt a sweet euphoria come over me. I was painless and happy. It was a comforting feeling comparable to taking herion. But it was natural and real. This is something I’d feel from time to time when I was a 100 percent raw foodist. Again, I felt like a teenager. Just lying in bed, with Dennis sleeping at my side, looking at the shelves in our bedroom … so at peace. 

This morning I was 4 pounds lighter. I had gained up to 120 pounds (three pounds in a month, due to all the delicious vegan food). This morning I was my favorite weight 116. 

I hope I don’t lose 4 pounds every night … 10 days is a long time! I’m not going to be afraid because I will gain back healthier tissues.

You can drink between 6 to 12 of the Master Cleanse concoction … I only made it to 7. You feel soooo FULL. I wasn’t hungry until 8 p.m. when I started fantasizing about spinach pasta and tomato sauce. That is the only food I am thinking about. Everything looks, smells gross to me at this point. 

I am so surprised with my fast metabolism that I didn’t drink more than 7. REALLY SURPRISED.

I have a feeling I’ll drink more today. I can feel that I’m getting hungry again, and I just had a drink a half hour ago.

***
Dennis is starting the Master Cleanse today. Last night he said, “Should I wait until you’re done, so I can take care of you?” I’m like, “No, let’s just do it together.” It will be easier for socializing. We have a few family obligations this weekend and it will be more supportive — to me — if we are both not eating. 

Master Cleanse — Day 3 (a.m.)
So yesterday I drank the maximum 12 drinks. I lost one extra pound, which is exactly what I wanted. Losing one pound per day will be perfect for me. I’m 115 now and 108 will be a nice summer weight.

I think I’m over the hump. No more caffeine withdrawl headaches — yay!

The eczema on my leg is drying up. 

I have a lot more energy and even the stamina for a lot of things I did yesterday: shopping twice, a long ride with Dennis, not collapsing into bed, but going at my own pace. 

I did have a bit of insomnia again, but that never bothers me, I just embrace it and read. 

I did some light yoga this morning too. The first day I exercised since being on the cleanse.

Master Cleanse Day 3 (evening)
For the first time in a long time, I look just as good as I did when I left the house in the morning — without reapplying make-up!

This can be you too! The Master Cleanse is a natural instant face-lift.

I’m all bright-eyed and soft skin (although my skin is what I get most compliments on) … but the biggest change is my hair!! It’s all soft and silky and shiny. Even the blonde highlights are brighter/blonder! I got a compliment on my hair for the first time in a long time.

I dropped five pounds and I’m down to 115.

A friend said, “You don’t look like you’re on a cleanse!” (Because most people look awful when they are detoxing).

Again I am drinking 12 “lemonades” today. The supposed maximum, but you can go over that if you are super active.

No more severe detox symptoms. I do feel a bit light-headed on occasion, but that always passes.

What I am feeling today is very similar to how I felt when I ate 100 percent raw foods … which I’d like to go back to, in a perfect world, but I just love pasta too much.

And what’s an Italian girl without pasta? I gave it up for five years, just started eating it again when I became vegan in September … wow, what I missed!!

Surprisingly that’s the only food I am thinking of. When I’m off this cleanse it’s either a macro dish of Hunan dumplings or a big bowel of spinach pasta with natural red sauce!

Master Cleanse Day 5 (a.m.) 
Well I reached the half-way point! Nothing out of the ordinary going on. My weight seems to have stabilized at 114.5. 
I am calm, peaceful, happy, energetic … Dennis and I went for a nice walk last night. New Jersey spring weather was glorious yesterday. 

Master Cleanse Day 6 (a.m.)
I dropped another pound, weighing in at 113.5, which is nice. I feel so good and slim. A friend noticed I lost weight and added, “Don’t lose too much more” with a smile 🙂

Master Cleanse Day 7 (a.m.)
Just think, next week at this time I will be munching on some nice yoga bread with Earth Balance Soy Margarine and bilberry organic all natural jelly!

I’m on my 7th day of not eating and I’ve accomplished everything I’ve set out to: 

1. I quit my caffeine (tea) addiction
2. I lost a few pounds. My weight seems to have stabilized at 113.5
3. No more headaches
4. I am more calm, peaceful, spiritual.
5. The eczema on my leg is really clearing up!
And as an added bonus, my hands are soooo soft! Just two days ago they were so chapped from the winter cold (I always forget to put gloves on) — now they feel so silky, like the nose area of a horse (I always love petting that part of a horse!) 

I feel like I’m two years younger. I feel more like 42 than 44. I have the energy and the body I did two years ago! THIS is the real me now … not being all stressed and tired. The Montclair Times did a number on me with all the stress and bullshit.

Master Cleanse — Day 8!
If someone told me, even two months ago, that I’d be going over a week without food, I would have laughed in their face! 

But here I am, on my 8th day without food. The Master Cleanse Lemon-Aide drink, which strongly resembles a Snapple, provides all the vitamins a person needs except B-12, which I started taking two days ago. I am not taking any other vitamins (or even probiotics). I am taking pills for a parasite cleanse. 

Today I feel super amazing. My weight is down to 113, making it a grand total of 7.5 pounds lost! 

Everyone is saying that I didn’t need to lose weight, but I feel much better thinner. Who doesn’t?

Thursday and Friday I can eat mangos, papaya, pineapples and oranges. 

I can’t wait to taste the sweet fruit. I remember how delightful fruit tasted when I was 100 percent raw: juicier, sweeter … each segment of an orange tasted different from the last. I look forward to that, very much. 

Saturday I can eat all other fruits. Saturday night a raw vegetable salad! 

And Sunday back to normal eating. 

I do not feel hunger pain on the Master Cleanse, but psychologically, I MISS FOOD. 

Both of our families were extremely supportive during the cleanse. My mom even said that your body only needs about a third of the food you eat. 

This is definitely a positive experience and I’m going to do it again next year (not every month like some do). 

Once a year tune-up sounds good to me. This time is perfect too: shedding your old skin for spring/summer. 

All weekend I did power yoga while on the cleanse. 

This morning I’m going to do some weights.

Master Cleanse Day 9 (a.m.)
My weight is still 113 and I’m still feeling “MARVELOUS DAHLING!”

I re-read portions of the Master Cleanse books and came to realize that if I can make it through the days coming off the Master Cleanse, eating just fruits and finally a raw vegetable salad, I may go back to eating raw all day and a cooked meal at night (with exceptions for holidays and shore trips). All vegan of course.

No one wants to hear it, but we truly are addicted to food. It’s so comforting, so social, so there for us. 

But once you break out of it, you feel incredibly liberated.

No longer am I thinking about Hunan Dumplings, but how I want to treat my body the best I can.

Without really much exercise, my body is so clean that I can see cuts in my stomach again — fab abs, some would say. Yesterday my biceps felt incredibly hard and I haven’t worked biceps in over a week. Also, as I had one foot on the tub, picking up soap, I noticed how my calf was popping out! 

When people compare the Master Cleanse to a spiritual journey, this is what comes to mind…

As a kid, I was one of the “lucky” ones who didn’t have religion forced on me. I was baptized as Catholic, but that’s as far as it went. I never had to go to church or practice anything. 

Why I put the word lucky in quotes is because sometimes I think not having religion forced on you really isn’t all that lucky. I believe discipline is healthy to an extent. 

Hearing about Lent as a pre-teen, I wanted to give it a shot and give up something I loved for Lent. Probably the first spiritual thing I ever did. 

For three weeks prior to Easter, I gave up listening to my favorite rock band, Queen. But I was mad obsessed. I had to listen to all five albums that were out during that time — every day after school — IN ORDER! If Queen was on a late night show like “Don Kirschner’s Rock Concert” or “Midnight Special” I’d take extra vitamins, thinking this will help me stay up and watch the band. I painted the fingernails on my left hand black and cut my hair like Freddie Mercury and incorporated “dears” and “darlings” into my pre-teen speech.

When Easter came and I started listening to Queen again, my love was there there, but I wasn’t as obsessed over them.

If this is what can come out of my Master Cleanse journey — having food still there, but not being obsessed over it, that can be a major breakthrough in my life. 

Although people see me as a healthy person, I don’t. I am nowhere near the caliber of Jack LaLanne, and all these folks who eat the freshest food, in simple portions.

For a small girl, I eat pasta with gusto. Even as a raw foodist, fruit, vegetables and nuts weren’t enough for me — I had to have GOURMET RAW FOODS. 

And my stomach is like a rock too. I can eat a full meal at 5 a.m. — no problem-o. 

So, let’s see if I can take it one step further. Let’s see if I can go the extra mile when it comes to health. To further detox my body. To live life in peace as it should be lived. To not let obsessions, such as food, rule the body. 

To go back to being that child who was hesitant to run to the dinner table when Mom called. 

Yes, that is the peace I know, while on the Master Cleanse! 

So, when I break this cleanse and after a three-day fruit fest, and my body is ready for “real food” again … it’s not going to be, “Hoo-Rah, let’s have macrobiotic vegan dumplings!” Yeah, I’ll definitely eat them … at the proper time, and feeling blessed for the chance to eat nurturing food.

Master Cleanse Day 10 — LAST DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

So today is my last day on the cleanse and I hope it’s a good one. Out of the nine days so far, I only felt super high energy on four of them. The other five I was really tired, but peaceful and happy.

Whoa, I dropped more weight and I’m down to 111!!! That’s nine pounds gone! I’ll probably lose even more because I won’t be really eating again until Sunday, but if I stick to high raw, I’d like to stay between 111 – 113, even down to 109/110 is good for me. 

Last night I fit into a pair of “wishing thinking” jeans that a girl gave me last fall. I wish I didn’t throw out a lot of stuff I had when I started packing on the pounds, but then again, your tastes change as you grow and change, so it’s all good. There was another pair of pants I always LOVED that I found in a thrift store in the East Village. I tried them on last night … they were still a bit snug, but I was like, “What was so great about these pants? Duh!” 

Then there’s my Tripp fashion “Johnny Rotten” plaid pants, that are only good for winter, so maybe next winter … and I have the vertical b&w striped “Steven Tyler” pants … if they fit, wow, I love those pants. I had them since the 1990s. I’ll try them on this morning. 

My stomach is flat, flat, flat as a board again! 

I’m still detoxing like crazy … I get weird aches in my body. Today it’s my back, like the pre-menstral pains I got as a young adult (that stopped after I gave up eating meat). 

Last night I tasted TOBACCO in my mouth — WTF?!?! I never smoked in my life!! I tried a few cigarettes here and there when drank, but never a steady smoker. Is this second hand smoke coming out of my body? 

So, yeah, the Master Cleanse is cleaning things I’m not even realizing. 

It was a fun trip, but I won’t be doing this again until same time next year … maybe I’ll coincide it with Lent. 

Now the next three days are about coming off the Cleanse. I can’t just dive into a dish of pasta, I have to ease in with certain fruits, then later on a raw salad, then by Sunday I can eat again. But like I said, I want to go back to more juicing, more raw, eating lighter during the day and having a vegan/macro meal at night. 

UPDATE – This was the first and ONLY time I did The Master Cleanse. It was rough going without food for 10 days, and the detox was certainly rough too. Maybe I’ll do it again in this lifetime, but I am in no hurry to do so. Note, if you do this, plan for not really eating for 15 days, as you have to ease back into food slowly. (The first day afterwards you can only eat oranges, then advance to soup, then salads, and finally regular food).

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Maryanne is also available for book editing and coaching. Rates are competitive.

And for positive messages, visit Be YOUnique, the Anti-Bullying You Tube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLq6J9MSvcjd-haQ30ycLWA/videos

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