bullies

All posts tagged bullies

National Inner Beauty Day

Published October 7, 2021 by Maryanne
Pets are the masters of inner beauty

Since we were young, we were taught it’s what’s on the inside that counts. How quickly that grows old once we get in school and the pettiness and cattiness begins. That can make anyone grow ugly right before our eyes.

In school I was bullied. The bullies, both male and female, never looked good to me. The ugliness that was on the inside found its way to the outside. Why were these kids so ugly? Perhaps their parents didn’t drill it into their head, the most important thing in life is being kind to others.

When we get older and get into the work force, it doesn’t end. Even if you’re self-employed it doesn’t end either. There’s always an ugly person out there trying to make someone else’s life miserable because they are miserable.

The thing is, if we are bullied, we have to realize it’s not us, it’s them. People bully for three reasons: 1. They are jealous of you. 2. They want to be like you. 3. They don’t like themselves.

It makes total sense. Why would a happy, secure person want to hurt someone? They wouldn’t. Only angry people with issues do. And it’s THEIR responsibility to make right with themselves, not yours. You can never make someone like this happy, so don’t exhaust yourself trying to get them to like you. It’s not in their heart. They are broken.

Three years ago I made the following video, “How do you want to be remembered when you die?” I share my reaction to hearing about an adult bully dying. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbSuOdgsNm0

It seems so morbid, but it’s honest. I’ve spoken to others who have had the same reaction when they heard nasty people passed. Perhaps it’s a relief, especially in this day and age when people spread rumors quickly on the internet.

While we shouldn’t be worried about what people think of us, it’s important how we treat others, whether they like us or not. It’s perfectly okay to put a person in his/her place if they make cruel comments to you. And it’s perfectly okay to vent to a friend about someone who is not so nice. But don’t let someone’s bad attitude steal your own inner beauty. Those of us who are caring and empathic can easily fall into a sad spiral if we’re the target of someone else’s negative attitude. Try to brush it off, and not think about it. Know that it’s not your fault. There are just some very unhappy people in this world. Don’t let that stop you from being your kind-hearted, awesome self.

You can read more about this topic in my book, “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” (https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261)

I also touch on bullying in my book, “Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” (https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227)

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, editing, and writing. She is also available for book signings and speaking engagements. She is now coaching aspiring writers via ZOOM.

Maryanne is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: Love Cats

Looking Back on Teenage Years

Published September 24, 2020 by Maryanne
IMG_0373

Yesterday while I was having lunch with a dear friend, she shared with me letters I wrote to her as a teenager in high school.

The letters were mostly about me making fun of the bullies who harassed me. I handled it in a clever, witty way. I made up names for the bullies and created scenarios that could have been used in a John Hughes movie in the 1980s.

Sometimes it seems like we’re going through such a hard time, but we look back and it turns out we were happier and more intelligent than we gave ourselves credit. I look at this picture and see myself as a mom reading something her teenage daughter wrote. I laughed so hard at my younger self. Some of the words that came out of my mouth were, “I was so bad!” and “Wow, I was witty!”

I wish I could share, but the stories were mainly inside jokes that no one would get. I couldn’t even remember half the people I was making fun of.

The really cool thing that Joan pointed out was, “My children don’t have this. They text each other, but they don’t write letters. Look how you used up most of the page to write and draw.”

That is so true. In my words on paper, I’ve captured a portion of time that we’ll never get back. And because the letters were written somewhat in anger towards the bullies, I wrote to my friend, “Destroy this” (how dramatic!)

But she didn’t. She cherished the letters. And I’m glad she did!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. In addition to Love Cats, she is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: Love Cats

Visit Maryanne’s You Tube Channel here: Be YOUnique

Anti-Bullying Book “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” Now Available on Audiobooks!

Published June 21, 2019 by Maryanne

BookCoverPreview Mistretta

I am ecstatic that my book “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” published by Higher Ground Books & Media, is now available on AUDIO! (https://www.audible.com/pd/I-Dont-Want-to-Be-Like-You-Audiobook/B07TB2VKWY?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-155390&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_155390_rh_us)

Sarah Staton is the voice who made my story come to life!

My book takes place growing up in the 1970s when I was bullied in both grade school and high school. And I’m sad to say, that even in this day and age bullying continues. Children are committing suicide because of assholes who have not yet evolved. Adults are secretly emailing me, “Write something about bullying in the workplace.”

It makes me so angry that 50 years later, it’s not getting better but worse.

Bullies target those who are unique; those who speak up for themselves; those who are shy; those who are creative; those who are very smart and think out of the box; those who don’t follow the crowd; and those who are very good looking. If you recognize yourself in any of those words, you most likely were a target for a bully. Because victims are often so smart and creative, they also carry around insecurities. Smart and creative people never feel good enough. You know that old saying, a genius never sees himself as one. Bullies pick up on this and attack.

The good news is, there is no reason at all to feel shame. It’s not you, it’s them. Bullies are the ones who feel hurt, sad, unloved, ugly, dumb, so they target others to make themselves feel big. Bullies are also masters at gas lighting (making others think THEY are the ones who are crazy). It’s a manipulative way for a bully to “win.”

Truth be told, all bullies are losers. If you can’t come from a place of love, you’ll never evolve. And isn’t evolution the ultimate goal? 

I recently sent out a call for speaking engagements. I let everyone know I am READY to speak out against bullying — in libraries, schools, corporations — and I will travel.

One of the responses I received was that bullying isn’t going away.

I did not know how to answer that. From what I wrote above, you may think I agree that it’s not going away. But hear me out, I now believe differently.

I was speaking to someone in a health food store earlier today. This man asked me if I was a vegan.

I said, “No, but I eat vegan for several days at a time.” I further explained I was a vegetarian/vegan for 28 years, from ages 23 to 51. Then I started eating meat (grass-fed only, and some chicken — no pork or veal!) to get my health in order. (I went from having low blood sugar, thyroid issues, low white blood cell count, very low blood pressure/borderline anemic as a vegetarian to a person of perfect health with some meat back in my body!)

After hearing my story, my new vegan friend thanked me for being one of the leaders in the movement back in the day when it was HARD. Now it’s easy! There are more vegans than ever and you can get vegan food anywhere. But in 1986, I was considered a “weirdo” for not eating meat.

What does this have to do with bullying, you may ask? 

You see, over 30 years ago, people didn’t get vegetarians. But we’ve evolved. Now we get it. And people are health conscious and accepting. The smarter ones are getting along in harmony. THIS can happen with bullying too!

At age 55, I see myself having at least another good 30 years on this planet, in this body I rented. In the year 2049, I TRULY BELIEVE, bullying will be on its way to extinction. We will evolve and change the world. Bullies will be the new neanderthals … so over. People who love will no longer be the weirdos. They will be the WINNERS! The meek will surely inherit the earth.

I CAN’T WAIT!

In the meantime, please purchase my book or audio book, it may save your child’s life when he or she hears about how I was bullied, but grew up to be successful and happy!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing, and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

 

Supermarket Bullying Should Be Treated as a Crime!

Published November 21, 2016 by Maryanne

supermarket-bullying

Yesterday should have been a nice day. In the afternoon I went to a Buddhist meditation, and at night my husband was taking me out to dinner. In-between I had to pick up a few items at Trader Joe’s. My husband forewarned me, “This is Thanksgiving week and it’s going to be mobbed.”

Crowds never bothered me. I’ve been going to concerts since I was a teenager. As a young punk rocker, I got banged, pushed against the stage, and ended up with battle scars. It was all part of the fun.

But shopping in a grocery store, as a middle-aged woman, should not be punk rock. It should be a pleasant experience. From my 30s onward, I had so many fights with inconsiderate, ignorant people who push their cart into you, without saying, “Excuse me” or even a mere “I’m sorry.”

Listen bitches — for once and for all,  I have every right to shop in a supermarket — even a crowded one. You are no better than me, or anyone else. Just because I’m a nice, smiling person (some say “too nice”) it shouldn’t mean that I am a target for assholes. Put on your big girl pants and learn to have manners — and patience! Wait your fucking turn. Am I too slow for you? I’m sorry, but I READ labels. I want to know my produce is local and/or organic. It’s imperative that I know how much sugar and carbs are in my frozen meals. Diabetes runs in my family and I have to be careful. If that’s not enough to give you an ounce of compassion, you’re a real loser!

I’ve boycotted places like Whole Foods, and now Trader Joe’s, for not having proper security in their stores. And I will continue to do so until I feel SAFE shopping in these places again.

Yesterday I was pushed TWICE at the Trader Joe’s in Millburn, New Jersey. Once by a woman much younger; and once by a woman much older.

Let me ask you, ladies (make that “ladies?” with a question mark because being so damn rude doesn’t give you the title of “lady” — you’re more like a beast! In fact, the Pit bulls next store at the Pet Smart were way better behaved than both of you!) … what makes you so much better than me that gives you the “right” to push me out of your way? HUH?

I’d love an answer, but I’m sure most of the people reading this are polite people because assholes never seek things to read that would make them a better person. Because if they did, the world would be a better place to live in. And it’s not.

Bullying over food? Imagine that.

You’re shopping in a middle to way-upper class area. There is enough food for everyone. Oh, I forget, you’re busy. Let me school you on something, bitch, EVERYONE is busy! That’s the kind of world we live in. A busy, busy, busy world.

So, to the very next person who pushes me in a supermarket, I’m going to call the management — or better yet, the cops — and have your sorry ass escorted out of the store. Putting your hand on another person to move her out of YOUR way is a violation! And I will not try to correct you anymore. Whoever raised you raised a nasty, selfish, ignorant person — and you WILL be stopped. Instead of taking your crap, I’m going as high as I can go, to get this selfish behavior stopped.

Is this what we are teaching our children? That it’s okay to put your hands on people, to push people, and to psychologically upset other people, just so YOU can be first in this unpolite me-me-me world?

Sorry, not on my time. Nasty bitches, beware, you are so over!

Please sign petition to Corey Booker! Women should feel safe shopping for groceries! https://www.change.org/p/corey-booker-supermarket-bullying-should-be-treated-as-a-crime

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is an author and public speaker. Her first book is “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” and deals with anti-bullying. Available on Amazon, in paperback only: https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X

Children Should Be Heard and Not Herd

Published November 25, 2012 by Maryanne


I can’t hold back.

I am very upset with some of the ugly, disturbing things I’ve been hearing out of the mouths of babes of late.

Ever since Barack Obama won the election, seems a lot of pissed off parents are teaching their children to parrot them by spewing hate and racism. This is not cute. And it is definitely not fair to the child.

Is this what parents want? Do parents REALLY want their children growing up to be 21st century Archie Bunkers? Bullies? Young people who can’t think for themselves? Young people with a herd mentality?

Do these words mean anything to them? Racist. Ignorance. Intolerance. Homophobia.

I’d like to believe the world is moving forward in a positive direction. Do you want your child left behind and viewed in an unfavorable way by others because of the backward things you are teaching him to repeat?

Is your ego that fragile that you have to brainwash your child in order to compensate for what you feel is your loss?

Is creating a “mini me monster” your way of getting back at those who voted for who we thought would be the best leader of our country for the next four years?

Way to go, parents! Teach your kid to be a brat because you didn’t get your way. Shame on you!

Back in the early 1990s I lived next door to a Russian family. The little girl was named Tanya and she was extraordinarily smart. She’d come to my apartment every day and talk to me. I took her shopping with me and to the zoo.

One day she was very excited to tell me that they got to vote in school.

I asked her, “So who did you pick for president?”

She said, “Nobody.”

I asked why.

She said, “Well, if I voted for one president, the other would be mad. And I don’t need a president being mad at me!”

SMART KID! Tanya’s young words showed that she was a child who was going to grow up to be fair and diplomatic. And her words came from a beautiful source — her heart! Not something she overheard her parents say on their cell phones. If all parents raised this child like Tanya’s parents did — to think for herself — the world would be a much better place to live in!

From the lyrics of the song “The Greatest Love of All” written by Michael Masser and Linda Creed, made famous by Whitney Houston:

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be