Bloganuary Day 11 – How Do You Define Success?

Me, last June … A picture of happiness!

Why are we put on this planet? To make the leave the world in a better place than when we found it. There are so many ways to do this, by being a great wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend, by excelling at our careers and then giving back to the community, volunteering, writing a book, etc. …. All of this CAN be done. But in order to do so, we have to put ourselves first.

In order to do this, we have to know what we want and not settle for less. Sometimes we don’t know what we want, so we have to ferret out what we don’t want.

I can honestly say I live a successful life because I have more happy days than sad ones. I work for myself as a public speaker and writer/editor. I also cat sit, model, and am a non-union actress. I’ve created this beautiful bubble of a life where I prefer to be around creative like-minds and avoid gossipers and trouble makers.

Best of all, as I write almost every day, I married my soul mate. My husband is my best friend and biggest supporter.

When you have a foundation such as this, you can get through the sad times (the saddest times are ALWAYS death – whether it’s a good friend or a family member or a pet, this happens more often when you’re over 40).

Life can be hard at times. Look at 2020, we were all in the same boat with the pandemic. People lost jobs (I lost about 15 speaking engagements!). People got sick. And some even lost friends. (I lost three; only one to Covid, but two for other illness, including someone I could consider one of my best friends). But during the pandemic, I also grew. I didn’t write another book like I thought I would, but I had quite a few writing and editing clients. I also was able to collaborate with my husband and record a song together. (Those singing lessons paid off, but I am so NOT a singer! This was work, and I haven’t recorded a song with him since!)

So, you see, we all have our crosses to bear, but if you have that foundation of things that are solid in your life (for me, it’s my husband and my career), you won’t be as shaken during a bad time. But most of all, the success has to come from within — what is in your heart, and even your brain! You are the creator of your success, your happiness. Nothing is stopping YOU!

If you liked this blog, feel free to buy me a kombucha: https://ko-fi.com/maryannechristianomistretta

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Maryanne is also available for book editing and coaching. Rates are competitive.

And for positive messages, visit Be YOUnique, the Anti-Bullying You Tube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLq6J9MSvcjd-haQ30ycLWA/videos

Visit my business page, Pear Tree Enterprises, at: https://peartreeenterprises.wordpress.com/

Don’t Treat Your Friends Like Fans

Photo by Nicholas Green on Unsplash

When you’re a creative person it’s no coincidence that you attract other creatives in your life. Maybe people you went to high school with, or maybe people you met during your creative career. Whether you’re a singer, actor, writer, or artist, creative people understand each other. We are there for each other. And it’s awesome when we can support each other.

Those who have a certain talent will definitely get the breaks if they stay focused. Sure, there will be ups and downs along the way, but you will accomplish some or many of your goals. You may lose friends because you’re no longer in the same place. They will not understand your drive or passion–and that’s understandable. But what about those whose career paths are similar to yours, yet it goes to their heads?! You begin to realize you’re being treated more like a “fan” than a “friend.” For example, you’ll go to his/her events but you won’t see him/her at yours. You’ll be “liking” their blogs, Facebook/Twitter/Instagram pages, but they ignore yours.

One time I received an email from someone who was trying a new career promoting bands. She asked me if I could “like” her pages to help support. I said, “Sure.” Then I asked if she, in turn, could help support mine too. She said, “I’m too busy.” I immediately unfriended her and stopped supporting her pages because to me, this type of person is a “taker.”

When someone starts being a “taker” it’s a major red flag that the person’s career is either going to their heads, or they are using you. Don’t ever let someone take advantage of you as they try to advance their career. It’s not right.

The thing is, we are all created equal. Any bout with success shouldn’t make someone feel superior. Motivational speaker, Jay Shetty, once said in a YouTube video that people support celebrities, why won’t they support their friends who are trying to get ahead? It really is a shame, but at least I am one friend who is very supportive (unless I feel I’m being used, then I cut ties).

I have to pat myself on the back because I know I am great in this area. I’m nobody special, but I am a good person to know; I’m every friend’s biggest cheerleader!

And, yes, fans do have their place in your world and you can’t get too close to them. You have to set boundaries. But a friend — or associate — is much more than a fan and he/she should never be slighted or not appreciated.

Here is clarification (or hard truths) regarding what a friend/associate is versus what a fan is.

1. They’ve been to your home, that is a friend, not a fan — obviously you invited them!
2. You had a meal with the person. Breaking bread with someone means he/she is a friend or associate, not a fan. (Unless you’re a rock star and they won a prize and dinner was part of it).
3. Someone wrote an article about you or had you on their podcast. That is an associate, not a fan.
4. You put someone on the guest list for one of your events. That is an associate or friend. Fans are not on the guest list unless they’ve won tickets to the event.
5. You dated someone. I don’t care if you’re Mick Jagger, if you choose to date someone, that elevates them to a higher status. They are no longer merely a fan.
6. You’re sending someone a holiday or birthday card in the mail on a regular basis. That is a friend, not a fan.
7. If someone buys your records/books/art and goes to your events and that’s the only time you see them, that is a fan, not a friend.
8. If someone knows more about you than you know about them, that is a fan. (Or a stalker!)
9. If someone “friend requests” you on Facebook and you don’t know who they are, they are either a fan or some egomaniac who is in some industry and wants to jack up their business.
10. If someone calls themselves a “fan” they are most likely a fan, but if they’ve been to your home, that is the best friend you can have because he/she is humble enough to admit you are cool and he/she admires your work.

Like any other relationship, creative relationships have the same rules (or they should). If you feel someone is looking down on you, or not giving you the time of day but expecting you to do things for them, or the only time you hear from them is if they need something, it’s no longer a friendship. It’s not even something that should be on “associate” level. Stop supporting them immediately. They may not even notice you are gone from their lives, but it’s okay. We’re here to support each other, not work for free for someone who doesn’t appreciate it.

If you liked this blog, feel free to buy me a kombucha: https://ko-fi.com/maryannechristianomistretta

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Maryanne is also available for book editing and coaching. Rates are competitive.

And for positive messages, visit Be YOUnique, the Anti-Bullying You Tube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLq6J9MSvcjd-haQ30ycLWA/videos

Visit my business page, Pear Tree Enterprises, at: https://peartreeenterprises.wordpress.com/

Stepping Into Something New

May 2021

I came across this photo of myself on Facebook from a year ago. The caption was “Step into Monday like a champion.” I liked the concept of me taking a step in the photo, with the caption of stepping into something positive.

To caption the same photo today, it would say “Step into Something New.”

Doing something new isn’t always instant. It takes months, or even years, of thought. Seeds are planted. Ideas comes up. And then you do something about it.

May 2021, we were still in the pandemic. This was around the time I decided I wanted to switch careers. Mind you, writing will always be in my heart, and in some way or another I will always be a writer. Hell, I’m still getting royalty checks from my books. But after you see your books in Barnes & Noble stores, you’ve reached a pinnacle. Where do I go from here? I can keep doing the same thing, continue writing books and articles. Or I can try something different that is also dear to my heart. Why not? You’re never too old to learn.

Last spring, I dabbled in art as a hobby. And then became a certified feline behaviorist.

Yes, cats are my favorite animals. But I love all animals, especially the furry little critters like hamsters, chinchillas, mice, rats, and guinea pigs. I’m also fascinated with fish. And birds.

I see these gentle creatures and it calms me. I want to learn more about them. How to befriend them. How to make them not be frightened. I want to also learn from them. What is it like to be so small in a world so big?!

I’ve investigated what careers there are that involve working with animals. I found something and am now on my way to a certification as small animal specialist!

Will this new career work out as successfully as my writing career? Time will tell.

But I am ecstatic to begin something new, with pets showing me the way! I look forward to working with my new teachers!

Photo swiped from Google

If you liked this blog, buy me a kombucha: https://ko-fi.com/maryannechristianomistretta

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Maryanne is also available for book editing and coaching. Rates are competitive.

And for positive messages, visit Be YOUnique, the Anti-Bullying You Tube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLq6J9MSvcjd-haQ30ycLWA/videos

Evolving Spiritually in Business

Cherry Hill, New Jersey

(photo by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta)

When the Universe is Perfectly Aligned

On Saturday I had the experience of being an extra in a commercial for a new health product. The shoot was on location in gorgeous Cherry Hill, New Jersey. This scenario is nothing usual for me as I’m always finding cool, creative work. I’ve been self-employed since 2008 (www.peartreeenterprises.com) and the best part of it is being able to work with the most amazing people doing things I love.

Saturday was one of many perfect fits. The acting cast and film crew were absolutely spectacular! Everyone was nice, professional and easy to work with. Our team was so together we finished an hour and a half earlier than was excepted!

When I got home, I raved to my husband about how cool everyone was and what a great time I had. Like many other instances I’ve had since being self-employed, what happened on Saturday was way too much fun to be called work. From a spiritual standpoint, when you’re in the right place things are so easy you wonder if you’re dreaming!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Of course in business, even being self-employed, things aren’t always perfect. We know that. And of course you roll with the punches. However, when things get so hard you’re in tears, that’s a major sign that things need to change. A friend once said, “The universe doesn’t always speak softly, sometimes it shouts.”

For example, if you’re not getting along with your co-workers it means a lot more than not fitting in. Do you feel overworked, underpaid and/or not appreciated? Do you have more bad days than good? Do you hate getting up in the morning? These are major signs that you’re in the wrong place and should make a change.

How do I know? I’ve been there, many times over. Even being self-employed and loving what you do, it’s not unusual to get hooked up with the wrong clients — or outgrow clients you’ve been with for some time. Perhaps your business has outgrown what some clients are still paying you. While money isn’t everything, let’s be realistic, taking two hours out of your day to appease a client who is paying a low hourly fee is not helping your business grow.

Suppose you’ve grown as a person and now you cringe at a client’s misogynist comments you once found funny. Or maybe a client never gave you mutual respect from day one and never will. The more you hang on, the more you go backwards, over-analyzing situations and figuring out how to make it work. Frustration leads you to secretly wish certain clients didn’t need your services anymore. Unfortunately you can’t wish bad clients away. You have to do the dirty work to get from Point A to Point B.

Spiritual Evolution in Business

One of the first signs your business is evolving spiritually is when you realize there is definitely more to life than profits and business. It’s about treating your clients (and having them treat you) in a responsible, caring way. It’s more than a cash cow. It’s talking to others with respect and creating a “family” vibe.

It’s always awkward when I feel like “just a number” to a client. Brief “all business” emails weird me out, especially the single word “okay” as a response. Ew … just ew!

As a sensitive — no, make that hyper-sensitive — person, running my business in a sweet, caring manner, for the good of all, is very important. I like to get up in the morning and feel like I have a purpose in life, not just thinking about the money I am making. I want my clients to feel comfortable with me and know that I am on their team.

Each morning I say a prayer to bless the day with the highest good for all involved. And then when you put the trust in the universe, you can sit back and watch the magic happen. Because it always does. When you operate your business from a spiritual standpoint, you can kiss good-bye excess marketing on Face Book and stressing yourself out seeking clients. Because good things ALWAYS happen to good people! And oftentimes effortlessly.

Career

My book, “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist”

What a pleasant surprise this morning to see my book, “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” pinned on a “Career” board on Pinterest, amongst other music journalist greats like Lisa Robinson and Lester Bangs, which is such an honor because these are the journalists I’ve read when I was 12-years-old! I am humbled as I’ll never have the writing chops they do. “Guest List” is more of a love letter to myself, a recollection of things that meant a lot to me, not necessarily others, but if someone gets it, more power to them! Nevertheless, I’m still stoked to get royalty checks and unexpected surprises like this. I never expected my book to be doing as good as it is!

Check it out: ww.pinterest.com/emilybenda/career/?utm_campaign=activity&e_t=a0bfed66774b49e5b2e80aeb1a342f06&utm_medium=2003&utm_source=31&e_t_s=board_teaser

To order “Guest List” please visit my publishing company Next Century: http://www.nextcenturystore.com/on-the-guest-list-adventures-of-a-music-journalist.html

Yoga for health, love and peace.

“The Inner Path” (Photo by Darlene Foster).

Me, doing one of my favorite things — yoga! (2010)

This was a portion of my Pear Tree business newsletter this month:

As much as I love my career because every day is different, I feel that some repetitiveness is necessary in order to achieve excellence. For instance, I can’t start my day without doing three important things:

1. Spending a moment in prayer after I awaken.
2. Exercise.
3. Consuming good breakfast with fresh juice.

These three repetitive things everyday – weekends included – are good habits that, I feel, allow me to achieve excellence, not only in my business but in my social life.

Exercise is wonderful. I love so many forms of exercise: swimming, biking, kickboxing, Pilates, power walks, light weights, etc.

But I have to say, yoga is the one form of exercise I love best. First of all, you get it ALL in one sweet package: toning, weight loss, stretching, muscle building (when you lift weight — you lift your own weight!) For anyone who hasn’t tried it, trust me, it’s not “marshmallow.” You will sweat! (And I’m not even talking about Bikram or Hot Yoga — just doing regular yoga will give you an excellent workout!)

Yoga is not only good for the outside, but the inside too. It massages your internal organs, helps control the breath and can help assist in preventing diseases.

I’ve been practicing yoga since 4th grade, when I was 9-years-old and accidentally stumbled upon a show called “Yoga for Health” in the 1970s, staring Richard Hittleman (RIP). Since then I was hooked and made yoga a part of my exercise routine.

All the years of doing yoga, I am far from an expert. Yet, I crave it. My favorite yoga positions are twists and balancing poses. But I also enjoy back bends and shoulder stands.

Yoga puts me at a peace in my life, that I know others lack. After a yoga session my body feels alive and at one with the world. I know I could do anything the day has to offer. And I don’t complain about the many things I have to do in life  like other people do. I just simply go down the list and just make sure lots of fun things are thrown in the mix!

Do I have an assignment to cover a story and be onsite at 8:30 a.m. — (and go to a late night concert that very same night)? No problem.

Is my “to do” list so big, I need a wide ruled 70-sheet notebook? No problem.

Does my day get thrown off kilter because unexpected things get tossed my way. Don’t worry — it’s covered!

Do friends or family worry about me because they don’t hear from me? Never. I always get back to people in a timely manner. People must think I have nothing to do with my life because I am always the person they can count on. Not so — I have PLENTY to do — but I am the queen of multi-tasking!

If everyone started their day with yoga — even for just 10 minutes — there would be less car accidents, less stress, less misunderstandings and less disappointments. There would be more positivity, more productivity and certainly much more love!

And the world always needs more LOVE!