child-free

All posts tagged child-free

National Old Maids Day

Published June 4, 2015 by Maryanne

maryanne & art2005 – Still single in my early 40s, the modern old maid!

Today is National Old Maids Day.

Old Maid refers to an older, childless woman who was never married. For sure I thought I was headed towards spinsterhood (and happily so) until I met the love of my life at age 42. (Now pushing 52, we’ve been happily married three years and together nine!)

Thank God the world wised up and realizes that women are worth so much more than a ring on their finger and banging out kids. Some of us (me!) were late bloomers and didn’t even realize our potential until later in life. In the above photo I’m selling art in Union Square. I didn’t even realize I had that talent in me until I temporarily baby sat a 9-year-old girl!

Then in the summer of 2008 I started my own business (https://peartreeenterprises.wordpress.com/) which was at first a variety of things, now honed to my greatest loves: writing/journalism, ghost writing/book editing and public speaking.

As a young working woman in the 1980s, life was a little more difficult. There was severe pressure to get married. Everyone was expected to be paired up like Noah’s Ark. And, yeah, while love is the greatest quest for all, I wanted even more in life. I wanted it ALL! I wanted someone who not only adored me, but respected my dreams and aspirations.

I worked very good jobs in the 1980s, at corporate businesses. But that’s not where my head was at. My desire to be creative and make money doing so outweighed any desire to marry and breed. So once I was able to be a full time writer, that’s when I was able to fully concentrate on love and being with someone good for me.

In my recent book “Love Cats” (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YBGVJQS/) I address the “old maid” issue via my character Janey.

Janey starts out as a smart character who wants a guy with substance. Though when she meets one, her insecurities get the best of her and she subconsciously does everything she could to kill the relationship. Though the difference between me and her is that while creative success is what drove me, Janey doesn’t need any kind of success as she’s already a wealthy trust fund and she’s simply driven by her own selfishness.

Whatever motivates us to stay single (work, fear, waiting for the right one, etc.) I think it’s super cool that in these modern times women are viewed as so much more and we no longer have to live in “shame” because we aren’t hooked up.

I tell everyone who asks my advice, to wait. Wait until you meet that one of a kind soul mate who rocks your world. There is no need to settle. Nor was there a need to settle 30 years ago either, we just took more shit from people for not settling. I’ve avoided certain relatives for years because they were more interested in who I was dating and how serious it was. Not my career, not my interests, not my dreams or desires. Just who I was dating and if marriage was in the cards.

I dreaded those horrible questions, yet stuck to my guns and never settled.

Mind you, when I say “never settled” while I did date a ton of jerks, I also dated some really cool guys — just not right for ME. I am still friends with some of these guys and my husband likes them too. We are so blessed that we have such an honest relationship with each other. And his ex-girlfriend’s brother is my favorite of all his friends! And that’s another cool blog for a later date, how trust is the most beautiful thing in a relationship.

But back to Janey …

In “Love Cats” Janey’s live-in maid, Lucia refers to her as an “old lady” for not having a ring on her finger — and she’s not even 25 yet! But that’s how it was in the 1980s. So much pressure for a young girl trying to find herself. Too much noise from the peanut gallery. Urgh!

It’s so cool that it’s acceptable today for women to live at home longer, concentrate on their careers, and not even marry at all if they don’t want to. Even though I’m married, I can sigh with relief that there is no pressure on me to bear children and raise a family. My husband and I are perfectly fine with our little love cat, Derick. Life is so good when you don’t have the rest of the world throwing their desires in YOUR face. We’re so blessed to exist in a live and let live time. Let’s keep it that way!

We’ve come a long way baby!

THANK GOD!

wonder-woman

Confirmed! I’ll be Speaking for NotMom in Cleveland this October!

Published March 7, 2015 by Maryanne

SAM_6304Proud to be a Kitty Mom!

“National Be Heard Day” is a perfect day to share that October 9, I’ll be speaking for The Not Mom Summit in Cleveland, Ohio. My topic is: “Mean, Rude, or Ignorant? Smart Responses to Unsolicited Comments.”

I’m extremely honored that The Not Mom (http://thenotmom.com/) choose me to speak and even more proud is that they found me via this WordPress blog!

When I received an email from them, I was thrilled! For a little over a year I’ve been a public speaker in New Jersey at libraries, women’s groups, antique groups and assisted living facilities. Occasionally I’ve traveled to Pennsylvania to speak, but this will be the first official road trip I’ll be taking. The hotel where the event is held is right across the street from The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. I’ve been there before, but not with my husband, so we’re making this event an exciting road trip too.

For those interested, here is the blog that got the attention of The NotMom, my blog about Mommy Jacking: https://maryannemistretta.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/mommy-jacking/

I’ve also written another “not mom” type blog which I feel should be brought to attention as well, “Having Kids is a Blessing, But so is Not Having Kids”: https://maryannemistretta.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/having-kids-is-a-blessing-but-so-is-not-having-kids/

As a person who is basically shy and mostly vocal around people I love and trust most (or in front of an audience) blogging and writing professionally has helped give me a voice — a voice that spoke volumes, inspiring and influencing other people.

With this blog post, I’d love to encourage all of you readers, especially those who are shy and/or quiet, to continue writing your thoughts and views. You never know what the grand result may be.

See you in Cleveland!

Note: For a list of public speaking topics I offer, visit my website (www.peartreeenterprises.com). For pricing and availability, contact me at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com