deep thoughts

All posts tagged deep thoughts

Bloganuary Challenge – Day 22 – What is Your Favorite Quote and Why?

Published January 22, 2022 by Maryanne

I have enemies. A ton of them.

Maybe “enemy” is a strong word, but let’s just say there are many people who dislike me. And I know exactly why they don’t like me and I refuse to change.

First, let’s back up a bit. I’m not a victim being too hard on myself or imagining things. I know my good qualities. I’m a fantastic person because of these high-quality traits:

  1. I am not a jealous person. I’ll be the first to give a compliment and cheer a friend on for his/her successes. I’m the one who notices things like a new piece of jewelry, a great haircut, and when someone is glowing. If someone is in love–I pick up on it!
  2. I show up on time. I don’t like making people wait for me. Who the hell am I?
  3. I go to everyone’s events. Is your band playing tonight? Are you a featured artist in a gallery? Count me in to support you!
  4. I’ll do something I don’t like just to accompany someone so they don’t have to go alone. For example, if a friend has tickets to a concert and no one else wants to go, I’ll go whether I like the band or not. Just to have a new experience and make someone happy means so much to me.
  5. I return phone calls and emails in a timely manner.

And now for my “worst” quality, which I don’t see as a bad one, but others do. I actually wish more people had this “bad” quality because it’s an honest one. Although in this day and age we’re living in a world of wusses. People can’t take anything that rocks their boat.

My worst quality is that I call people on their bullshit. No, that doesn’t mean telling someone they are fat. Or they look old in that hairstyle. Or that their laugh is like nails on a chalkboard. I’m not that person, even though people have said cruel things like that to me.

My gig is more about calling out people when they are not too nice of a friend. Like if someone asks a question that crosses the line and is way too personal, I’ll let them know. If a friendship isn’t what it used to be, I’ll ask someone if I did something wrong; how can I fix it? And if someone ignores a heartfelt email where I bared my soul, I will ask, why do you feel it’s unimportant not to respond? For example, someone dies, and you share. Why would someone not call you IMMEDIATELY and ask, “How can I help?” If your not holding up to your end of the friendship, I’m going to let you know.

This type of honesty jars people. It pushes them out of their comfort zone. I’ve always felt that we can only grow as people if we learn about each other. And part of that learning process is to discuss things, especially if they are bothersome. Too many people are quick to throw away friendships because they consider talking/discussing “drama.”

We live in a world where people are no longer reading. They’re scrolling on their phones looking at photos, like zombies. No one can effectively communicate anymore.

But if friends can’t have a proper discussion, is it really a friendship? I don’t think so.

The good news is, There will always be other friendships–and people in general. Keep trying until you find your tribe. Whether it’s friends, or romantic relationships, or even the right dentist, with billions of people in the world, there’s no reason to settle for an unsatisfying friendship, or unsatisfying service, or unsatisfying anything. Keep being you! Because YOU stood up for something in your life–and that’s a good thing!

[Insert heart emoji here].

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Maryanne is also available for book editing. Rates are competitive.

Bloganuary Challege – Day 15 – What’s a Life Lesson You Feel Everyone Can Benefit From?

Published January 15, 2022 by Maryanne
Photo by Josue Soto

Patience is a life lesson everyone can benefit from.

Just yesterday I was having an amazing conversation with a young man while waiting on a long line at Whole Foods. I rarely converse with strangers because I’m often bored with small talk. But we got deep fast–career, meditation, philosophy. Wow, what a treat.

He told me he worked in film. I joked and said, “If you ever need someone to play a mom, contact me.” (Because I have played moms in indie films, commercials, and videos).

He was impressed that I did acting, but I told him writing is my real career–that I’ve been writing professionally since 1995. He said he was originally a writer, but went into film because writing didn’t pay much.

I disagreed and said you just have to have patience and weed out those who low-ball you, because you’ll always find a client or company willing to pay you what you are worth. TRUTH!

I’ve always been the late bloomer, but by waiting my turn in life, I’ve gotten everything I want out of life. I published my first article at 35. Married at 48. And wrote my first book at 50. And in between all this, there were many more firsts later in life, but these were the most significant, for me.

Moving at a slower pace doesn’t make you lazy or complacent. It means you are choosey. And you should be. Nothing is worse than rushing and making a bad move. Trust the journey, and love your life even while you are waiting.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Being Authentic… to Ourselves and Each Other

Published May 28, 2020 by Maryanne

Being Authentic: A Memoir by Morhaf Al Achkar, MD, PhD

Review by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

While many people are complaining about being cooped up during the pandemic, I’m secretly rejoicing because I’ve been doing what I didn’t have much time for before—READING! Since the mid-March lockdown, I’ve read six books, all special in their own right.

Prior to writing this review, I questioned myself… Is it weird to say I can relate to a man who was born in Syria, two years after I graduated high school? A man who became both an MD and a PhD–whereas I struggled just to get my diploma?

First, I took the safe route and wrote the blog as a regular book review. However, after a re-read, my review appeared dull and stale. This author deserves so much more. After he exposed his deep feelings for all to read, I promised myself I should do the same. I do not see that as narcissistic, but rather compassionate. In this review I want people to see me as a person who can find something in common with almost anyone—male/female, young/older, rich/middle class/poor, black/white/mixed. Because this is what the world needs right now, to focus on what we have in common, rather than what sets us apart. (And, honestly, I’ve been quiet about politics for too long, so read on!)

Leo

Author, Morhaf Al Alchar, MD, PhD, and faithful companion, Leo! 

Morhaf Al Achkar has not reached his 40th birthday, yet he ponders death.

I question: Why is he thinking about this now? Perhaps because of his struggle with both Crohn’s disease and a stage four lung cancer; perhaps because he dealt with the devastating loss of his own mother at a young age; or perhaps because we are in the midst a pandemic, all of us facing a virus that has no cure yet. And so many people are at each other’s throats, making it political.

In his memoir, Dr. Achkar strives to be authentic—his true self. And that he is. His story is direct as he gets right to the point with no apologies. And he is vulnerable. There is absolutely no pretense. You do not feel like you are reading a book written by a doctor, with both an MD and a PhD. Instead, you are chatting with a brand new friend.

Growing up in Syria, in a family of nine children, Morhaf often locked himself in a room reading books. He was labeled the “philosopher of his family” by his father. Early on, one of his major struggles was living in a culture “with hypertrophied masculinity.” Men boasting of foolish things like beatings or shootings was the norm. There were also bullies and schoolteachers who were abusive. Wise beyond his years, Morhaf made sense of it all and did not let any of this hinder his growth as a human being. As a person who was also bullied, I relate to this.

Once I began sharing my story to others, I no longer felt shame, but rather a big relief—even empowered! When I read about other people being bullied, it’s a soft spot for me. I can’t help but get a lump in my throat. Then I immediately switch my brain to the good parts of one’s life; their triumphs!

The saving grace in this picture is Morhaf’s mother, a warm, trusting woman, but one of authority and one who greatly valued education. Reading about how his mom pushed Morhaf to take the first steps on the dance floor reminded me of my grandmother.

Grandma practically raised me since my parents were divorced and neither were around much. I think about a family reunion we had when I was about 12. My sister, cousins and I danced to the hired band. When the reunion came to an end, my grandmother encouraged me to “talk to them.” I was shy, but wanted to make Grandma happy, so with my older cousin, we went up to the stage and asked the musicians for their autographs. A parent or grandparent encouraging the kids to dance or talk to someone at a party is a great move to get a kid out of their shy shell.

Another way I relate to Morhaf is not being satisfied with religion and rituals. As a Muslim he reflects on his faith after his mother passes. I was raised without religion, so I had nothing to go by except the standards Catholic holidays that Italian families practiced. When I was 24, I met an older Filipino gentleman who became my mentor. Together we studied religions and philosophies from all over the world.

Remaining open-minded until I met some Christian friends, I decided to give Christianity a chance. But then after my grandmother died, I lost faith, the same way Morhaf felt his faith was faltering after his mother died.

I stopped going to church and celebrating any holidays that had to do with Jesus. When I returned to faith, I took it all with a grain of salt, saving the positive and discarding what seemed overbearing. I now believe in Jesus, but also Buddha, God, and The Universe.

Perhaps this is something people of all faiths go through, but not many admit. So once again, as I’m reading the book, I am grateful to Morhaf for his honesty.

Amongst his great successes, he has had his shares of disappointments too. His passion in activism inspired was an option to leave his family, but after failing a commission-based job, he returned home.

Some of the best times seem to be spent in America. At first, Morhaf lived in Columbus, Ohio with his sister and continued to study. He traveled extensively throughout the USA. In addition to his studies, he had fun adventures that young people experience like dancing, hookah nights, playing cards, consuming cheap drinks, and adopting a canine companion named Leo.

Sadly, dating was an issue, especially in Indiana, where he lived and where many women were prejudiced to his color and didn’t think twice about making racist remarks. It felt terrible to read this. I am sorry that many USA women put a bad taste in one’s mouth, but I want people from other countries to know we are not all that way.

I live in NJ, a democratic state where we are open-minded to making friends of all races and colors—without judgement. I know behind my back my conservative friends and family refer to me as a “Libtard.” It’s wrong and very hurtful.

As a spiritual person, I refuse to retaliate with words and placing derogatory memes on Facebook. Instead I pray for them. And I pray for our president, who I do not care for.

During the month Donald Trump was elected president, Dr. Morhaf was diagnosed with cancer. As a Syrian immigrant he felt affected by the ban on Muslims, fearing he would not be able to say goodbye to his family. He wrote a letter to speak of his struggles. It was published in a Huffington Post blog, entitled “Dear Mr. Trump, You Are Cancer and I Only Live If You Shrink!” The letter explained what it was like to live with what he had then perceived as a terminal illness and as a Syrian immigrant affected by the ban on Muslims. After writing the letter, he felt empowered and liberated him to engage with the Syrian struggle.

I suppose many have friends who have immigrated to the United States and have been affected by Trump’s stance. It is absolutely heartbreaking seeing families being broken up. I know one personally, and will leave it at that to protect their privacy.

Aside from the prejudice Morhaf experienced from American women, he has decided to stay single because he doesn’t want to be a burden to someone should his health fail. I seriously hope he changes his mind because true love is mending.

I’ve shared the story many times and am happy to share it again. When I first began dating my husband I was going to many doctors because I never felt right. A few doctors feared I had cancer. After many ultra-sounds, CAT scans, and countless opinions nothing was found. Seven months after dating my husband, I had one final test that showed I was cancer-free and perfectly healthy! A week later I felt better than I did my entire life! Having a supportive loving person by my side healed me. I believe that!

So, you can see why I’ve enjoyed “Being Authentic” so much. There’s enough to relate to, but also much to learn. And, that, is what a good book should be!

Morhaf’s reflections on life in his later years, while he is now, fortunately, in stable health, we see that he is a true humanitarian and invites others to be as authentic as he is. This is what I wanted from my book, “I Don’t Want to Be Like You.” I want others to share their stories without feeling disgrace. The troubled times are what got you to where you are today. Always remember that.

When we look deep inside ourselves, and share our notions in writing, the reader gets a peek at our true soul. A reader may not “get it” entirely, but the more open an author is, the more we can learn about each other; and love each other. After all, deep down we are more alike than different. This is a book everyone can learn from. And Morhaf will be remembered for writing it.

To purchase “Being Authentic” (and have a sneak peek inside the book) please click on this link: Being Authentic

Follow Morhaf Al Alchar on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/morhafalachkar

95849294_2817039011678255_9072810759997620224_oBeing Authentic book cover

 

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261