Being Authentic: A Memoir by Morhaf Al Achkar, MD, PhD
Review by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta
While many people are complaining about being cooped up during the pandemic, Iâm secretly rejoicing because Iâve been doing what I didnât have much time for beforeâREADING! Since the mid-March lockdown, Iâve read six books, all special in their own right.
Prior to writing this review, I questioned myself… Is it weird to say I can relate to a man who was born in Syria, two years after I graduated high school? A man who became both an MD and a PhD–whereas I struggled just to get my diploma?
First, I took the safe route and wrote the blog as a regular book review. However, after a re-read, my review appeared dull and stale. This author deserves so much more. After he exposed his deep feelings for all to read, I promised myself I should do the same. I do not see that as narcissistic, but rather compassionate. In this review I want people to see me as a person who can find something in common with almost anyoneâmale/female, young/older, rich/middle class/poor, black/white/mixed. Because this is what the world needs right now, to focus on what we have in common, rather than what sets us apart. (And, honestly, Iâve been quiet about politics for too long, so read on!)
Author, Morhaf Al Alchar, MD, PhD, and faithful companion, Leo!Â
Morhaf Al Achkar has not reached his 40th birthday, yet he ponders death.
I question: Why is he thinking about this now? Perhaps because of his struggle with both Crohnâs disease and a stage four lung cancer; perhaps because he dealt with the devastating loss of his own mother at a young age; or perhaps because we are in the midst a pandemic, all of us facing a virus that has no cure yet. And so many people are at each otherâs throats, making it political.
In his memoir, Dr. Achkar strives to be authenticâhis true self. And that he is. His story is direct as he gets right to the point with no apologies. And he is vulnerable. There is absolutely no pretense. You do not feel like you are reading a book written by a doctor, with both an MD and a PhD. Instead, you are chatting with a brand new friend.
Growing up in Syria, in a family of nine children, Morhaf often locked himself in a room reading books. He was labeled the âphilosopher of his familyâ by his father. Early on, one of his major struggles was living in a culture âwith hypertrophied masculinity.â Men boasting of foolish things like beatings or shootings was the norm. There were also bullies and schoolteachers who were abusive. Wise beyond his years, Morhaf made sense of it all and did not let any of this hinder his growth as a human being. As a person who was also bullied, I relate to this.
Once I began sharing my story to others, I no longer felt shame, but rather a big reliefâeven empowered! When I read about other people being bullied, itâs a soft spot for me. I canât help but get a lump in my throat. Then I immediately switch my brain to the good parts of oneâs life; their triumphs!
The saving grace in this picture is Morhafâs mother, a warm, trusting woman, but one of authority and one who greatly valued education. Reading about how his mom pushed Morhaf to take the first steps on the dance floor reminded me of my grandmother.
Grandma practically raised me since my parents were divorced and neither were around much. I think about a family reunion we had when I was about 12. My sister, cousins and I danced to the hired band. When the reunion came to an end, my grandmother encouraged me to âtalk to them.â I was shy, but wanted to make Grandma happy, so with my older cousin, we went up to the stage and asked the musicians for their autographs. A parent or grandparent encouraging the kids to dance or talk to someone at a party is a great move to get a kid out of their shy shell.
Another way I relate to Morhaf is not being satisfied with religion and rituals. As a Muslim he reflects on his faith after his mother passes. I was raised without religion, so I had nothing to go by except the standards Catholic holidays that Italian families practiced. When I was 24, I met an older Filipino gentleman who became my mentor. Together we studied religions and philosophies from all over the world.
Remaining open-minded until I met some Christian friends, I decided to give Christianity a chance. But then after my grandmother died, I lost faith, the same way Morhaf felt his faith was faltering after his mother died.
I stopped going to church and celebrating any holidays that had to do with Jesus. When I returned to faith, I took it all with a grain of salt, saving the positive and discarding what seemed overbearing. I now believe in Jesus, but also Buddha, God, and The Universe.
Perhaps this is something people of all faiths go through, but not many admit. So once again, as Iâm reading the book, I am grateful to Morhaf for his honesty.
Amongst his great successes, he has had his shares of disappointments too. His passion in activism inspired was an option to leave his family, but after failing a commission-based job, he returned home.
Some of the best times seem to be spent in America. At first, Morhaf lived in Columbus, Ohio with his sister and continued to study. He traveled extensively throughout the USA. In addition to his studies, he had fun adventures that young people experience like dancing, hookah nights, playing cards, consuming cheap drinks, and adopting a canine companion named Leo.
Sadly, dating was an issue, especially in Indiana, where he lived and where many women were prejudiced to his color and didnât think twice about making racist remarks. It felt terrible to read this. I am sorry that many USA women put a bad taste in oneâs mouth, but I want people from other countries to know we are not all that way.
I live in NJ, a democratic state where we are open-minded to making friends of all races and colorsâwithout judgement. I know behind my back my conservative friends and family refer to me as a âLibtard.â Itâs wrong and very hurtful.
As a spiritual person, I refuse to retaliate with words and placing derogatory memes on Facebook. Instead I pray for them. And I pray for our president, who I do not care for.
During the month Donald Trump was elected president, Dr. Morhaf was diagnosed with cancer. As a Syrian immigrant he felt affected by the ban on Muslims, fearing he would not be able to say goodbye to his family. He wrote a letter to speak of his struggles. It was published in a Huffington Post blog, entitled âDear Mr. Trump, You Are Cancer and I Only Live If You Shrink!â The letter explained what it was like to live with what he had then perceived as a terminal illness and as a Syrian immigrant affected by the ban on Muslims. After writing the letter, he felt empowered and liberated him to engage with the Syrian struggle.
I suppose many have friends who have immigrated to the United States and have been affected by Trumpâs stance. It is absolutely heartbreaking seeing families being broken up. I know one personally, and will leave it at that to protect their privacy.
Aside from the prejudice Morhaf experienced from American women, he has decided to stay single because he doesnât want to be a burden to someone should his health fail. I seriously hope he changes his mind because true love is mending.
Iâve shared the story many times and am happy to share it again. When I first began dating my husband I was going to many doctors because I never felt right. A few doctors feared I had cancer. After many ultra-sounds, CAT scans, and countless opinions nothing was found. Seven months after dating my husband, I had one final test that showed I was cancer-free and perfectly healthy! A week later I felt better than I did my entire life! Having a supportive loving person by my side healed me. I believe that!
So, you can see why Iâve enjoyed âBeing Authenticâ so much. Thereâs enough to relate to, but also much to learn. And, that, is what a good book should be!
Morhafâs reflections on life in his later years, while he is now, fortunately, in stable health, we see that he is a true humanitarian and invites others to be as authentic as he is. This is what I wanted from my book, âI Donât Want to Be Like You.â I want others to share their stories without feeling disgrace. The troubled times are what got you to where you are today. Always remember that.
When we look deep inside ourselves, and share our notions in writing, the reader gets a peek at our true soul. A reader may not âget itâ entirely, but the more open an author is, the more we can learn about each other; and love each other. After all, deep down we are more alike than different. This is a book everyone can learn from. And Morhaf will be remembered for writing it.
To purchase “Being Authentic” (and have a sneak peek inside the book) please click on this link: Being Authentic
Follow Morhaf Al Alchar on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/morhafalachkar
Being Authentic book cover
Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.
She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books :
âBe (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Heroâ is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227
âI Donât Want to Be Like Youâ is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261
Hereâs a cute little poem I wrote several years ago in honor of my Momâs Chihuahua, Fawn (RIP). Although the poem was for Fawn, I think it relates to many small dogs who think they are bigger than they really are, which is always so endearing. ENJOY!
Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta 