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All posts tagged facebook

Why We’re Not “Friends” on Face Book

Published November 20, 2014 by Maryanne

face book

Unlike others who have a list of 500+ friends on Facebook, I like to keep my list very low … like under 100.

One time someone joked to me that I was acting like a judge on American Idol, eliminating contestants that didn’t make the cut. No, that’s not it. For me, it’s just keeping it real. “Less” means “more” because then I have time to read everything that people I really connect with write.

Since I was a teenager back in the 1980s, once a year I took the time to re-write a new personal phone book. I eliminated people that didn’t return my phone calls. Why would I want to keep old numbers that I don’t use? It didn’t make sense.

Fast forward to the 21st Century, it’s so much easier to delete than write an entire new phone book, though I find myself deactivating old Face Book pages and starting new ones in order to not hurt feelings. But eventually people find out. I can’t imagine what goes through their heads because those who confront me for unfriending them … damn, it’s as if I burned their house down!

But, honestly, people … can we please act a little more grown up about Face Book? I’m entitled to my Facebook policies and I think my reasons for unfriending someone are pretty reasonable.

#1. I never hear from you. I believe in being honest. I don’t use the “hide” feature. So if I’m liking and commenting on another person’s photos, updates, etc. and they’ve stopped coming to my page, I assume I’m being “hidden.” So, if someone isn’t jiving with what I’m writing, why keep them on board? It’s pointless.

#2. Your marketing techniques were too obvious. I’m a creative person, so of course I meet many creative types. I’m also self-employed and I know all the Facebook marketing tricks of friending as many people as possible to get them to “like” your business pages. I did that too at one time. It helped me sell a few books and got me a few clients. But in my spiritual growth, I realized that’s not how I want to get clients. I’d rather get them authentically, the old fashioned way — word of mouth/referrals and good ol’ Craig’s List. That’s the way I got my best clients, so I’m sticking to what works. Facebook is now, for me, more about friendship and less about marketing.

Sometimes I meet someone on an events page or a music page, etc. and they seem really nice at first. Then I realize they’re just trying to jack up business by getting someone to “like” their pages and go to their events/concerts/etc. This makes me feel more like a “fan” than a “friend.”

In my six years of being on Face Book, I have only two friends who are truly authentic in liking my business pages just as much as I honestly like theirs. And I’m fine with that. I don’t need more “likes” for my business page. My business is doing great, thank you very much!

#3. You’re of a clique mindset. I can’t deal and won’t deal with a clique mentality. I’m inspired by individuality and I seek to “friend” those who I can aspire to be like. When I see one person up another person’s ass all the time, or a certain group ignoring other friends and family members it’s a big turn off. Just remember, “To belittle is to BE LITTLE” — which means hurting people by making them feel left out doesn’t make you a big deal, it makes you small.

Some of my biggest inspirations on Facebook are people who are either individuals or community-oriented (not clique-oriented). So reach out and touch someone who is a little different than you — you’ll reap massive rewards from the universe.

#4. Instincts. You know when you get a gut feeling someone doesn’t like you? You’re usually right.

#5. You make Facebook a combat zone. I’m a live and let live type. I’m a paleo eater who has vegan friends; a Democrat with Republican friends; a spiritually open-minded person who believes in many things who has friends that are Christians and atheists; a happily married woman who has friends who are happily single … and so on … you get the picture. What never ceases to amaze me are the people who can’t wait to argue with you online and force their opinions down your throat. This is when the “ban” feature comes in handy.

#6. Tit for tat. When someone is obviously only “liking” something of mine only because I liked something of theirs. That’s so phoney and annoying. And it’s just as annoying when in a matter of seconds someone scrolls down your entire page and presses “like” five, 10, or 15 times which brings something you wrote two weeks ago to the top of the news feed.

#7 People who are ONLY around when things get rough. I’m a happy person. So happy that one of my clients nicknamed me “Happy Pants.” So when you’re happy, 95 percent of what you write in blogs or on Face Book/Twitter is HAPPY.

I’m no better than anyone else. I’m an average middle-aged woman who just happens to enjoy life and follows my dreams: as a journalist, public speaker and author. But sad to say this makes people very jealous (when they could be doing the same things, they just don’t initiate it). So of course you’ll never hear from these people. They’ll never give a compliment (and I’m not alone in this, Meryl Streep once said something about disliking women who never give compliments … I have to agree). You never hear BOO from these people … UNTIL you have that one bad day. THEN all of a sudden, they want to comfort you. That is so fake. As a parody of these types of people, I once wrote as my update: “Thanks to everyone who was there for me when things were really good.”

One person got it 🙂

 

Business Media

Published March 15, 2013 by Maryanne

social media

Hello all!

Okay, here’s the scoop … in the past I never liked Face Book, Twitter or Linked-In. I used them for three years and honestly, I deleted them because I get the most work via my personal website/newsletter: www.peartreeenterprises.com

In fact, 100 percent of my “repeat” clients are through my website, so I have been getting by without the use of Face Book, Twitter or Linked-In.

But seems as I’ll be doing more promotional work with clients, it’s important that I have a presence on these social networks.

So, if anyone wants to connect via these social media links for business reasons, please do so. (Note: I’m using these links for business, not social so in reality they should be called “business media” — not “social media” — but whatever!).

Face Book: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pear-Tree-Enterprises/357007674408601

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PearTreeEnt

And find me on Linked-In: Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

Let’s all help each other build!

My skills: writing, editing, ghost writing, typing, proofreading, marketing/sales, personal assistance.

And if anyone needs a 40+ model, I’m available. Check out the cool photos I did with photographer Darlene Foster on my Pinterest page! http://pinterest.com/mrsmistretta/darlene-foster-photos-i-modeled-for/

 

 

Call Me

Published June 20, 2012 by Maryanne

Me, using an effective tool for friendship  (Photo by Darlene Foster)

I have a friend I’ve known since high school who, for the past few years, does all her communicating online. It wasn’t always like this. I used to call her whenever I needed someone to talk to, and she was there for me. But once Face Book came along, she started this new rule that it was best to communicate to her via email, which irked me to no end and evidently after quite a few miscommunications — via email of course — the friendship ended.

To me, a phone call will always be vastly superior to an email. You can hear the tone of a person’s voice and know immediately if they are happy or sad, if you called at a bad time or if they have exciting news to share. You can hear laughter. You can hear a joke or sarcasm that may not be translated via email. And you can play “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on the touch tone buttons.

People seem to think it’s some sort of status symbol to say they have no time for phone calls, or that they don’t get many phone calls. In the 21st century, a phone call uncool and not something to be used by those who love to keep up with the Joneses.

I don’t know what Joneses these hipsters are keeping up with, but I prefer the Joneses of yesteryear — the Tom Joneses, the Shirley Joneses and the Davy Joneses — the Joneses that were around when it was cool to be on the phone. If a person’s line was busy, that meant he/she was popular.

I was the last person on earth to get an answering machine and in the early 90s I still didn’t have one. People either caught me when I was home, or didn’t get me at all. This was great when I was still single. I actually got letters in the mail from friends and potential boyfriends because they had no other way of getting in touch with me if I wasn’t home to answer the phone.

To this day, I find that so amusing.

The whole concept of emails and texting being a major source of communication just escapes me. I couldn’t imagine being a younger person and using these methods for dating. It takes away the whole mystique of being unavailable.

I remember being a young person and coming home from a night out and my grandmother telling me a certain someone had called while I was out. How exciting!

I feel so sorry for young people who don’t have that grand element of surprise anymore during their dating years. They are missing out, big time. Everything is too easy, which takes away the fun. It’s just human nature that people like a bit of a challenge.

Last year during a slow period with my business I took on a part-time job at a music store for a couple months. The store owner’s son would spend entire nights hanging out at the music store texting a girl he was interested in. It was so pathetic to watch. She obviously wasn’t interested in him and just used the texting tool as a way to kill her boredom because from what he told me she had no life. (And clearly he didn’t either).

I felt bad for the kid, but he made his own bed. He was obviously addicted to this little device that was preventing him from getting out in the world and enjoying life. I wondered if the same girl would spend as much time with this guy had he called her or set up a date to see her in person. Probably not.

I remember being young and telling my grandmother, “Say I’m not home!” when an undesirable person would call. How do you do that with a text? With texts and emails — the punchline is, you’re ALWAYS home. But I guess the younger generation has new concepts of what a loser is and isn’t.

And, think about it, how sexy was it back in the day when you first met someone and he/she wrote their phone number on your hand? In this technology day and age, people are like, “call my cell, then I’ll have your number in there.”

Eww … how dull! And people are missing out on the thrill of touching someone’s arm for the first time as they write their phone number on it. Talked about a missed opportunity!

Call me old fashioned, but I simply love the idea of going through a phone book and calling random friends from a land line. (Note: I don’t call people who only use cells — I do not want to compete with traffic and background noise, and people certainly shouldn’t be talking on their phones while driving!)

It’s so exciting when someone you left a message for calls you back. It’s just so cool that there are still people out there that have courtesy skills — and even cooler that I can call these people friends!

Sometimes while I’m waiting for my husband to come home, I’ll pour myself a glass of wine and talk for a half hour or so to my friend Gina or my friend Darlene (who took the photo above) who also lives close-by. Even though I see Gina and Darlene often, it’s still so nice to keep in touch on a regular basis. When we see each other we still have plenty to talk about and laugh about.

What a blessing it is to live during a time when the good things in life are just a phone call away.