happily married

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Love

Published July 9, 2019 by Maryanne

Facetune (4)

Photo of Dennis and Maryanne by Jayne DiGregorio (https://www.jaynedigregorio.com/)

This year is my eighth year married to my husband, and 14 years together in total.

We are still so in love; still in the honeymoon stage. This is not something I just realized, nor is it something I take for granted. It is real, and we are blessed.

As an independent woman who wasn’t in a hurry to get married, I knew from our first date my husband was “the one.” What made him different than others were three things: 1. He was supportive of my career. 2. He’s not a jealous type. 3. His love for animals and music. These were the top three things on my list for love and I wouldn’t settle for anything less.

But then, there is so much more, as we continue to live, learn, and love. I can honestly call my husband my best friend. Around him I feel safe because he loves me unconditionally. Around him I feel growth because there’s never dull conversation I’m seeking to avoid. Around him I feel entertained because together we are fun, funny, and never boring! Around him I feel happy because from day one, every single night we’ve spent together, we wake up with a smile on our faces. Around him I feel deep because our shared thoughts are always that way.

We both have incredible energy and are always up for a fun time.

We both love our kitties with all our hearts and miss them when we are far from home.

We connect on the four major levels: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

And we miss each other when we are apart, even if it’s just for a few hours.

We’re amazing people and we deserve each other. Together we attract the greatest friends too. We collect other rock ‘n’ roll couples to share the good times. Even our single friends are unique people we adore! We’re in our own little world with the select few, and we love it!

This is why I say to all people — men and women alike — do not settle. Wait for the one who is worth waiting for. I met my husband later in life and never gave up on the fact that I’d meet my special someone; my forever person.

When I was young, in my 20s, I had this theory, that whoever was in unhappy relationships (settling)… if they would just leave, that would open up the door for the right person to show up.  And that, I did!

I was told I was “fickle” and “too picky.” And the most insensitive (and WRONG) was when someone once said, “You think you are too good for anyone, that’s why you are single.” No, I was just waiting for it to be RIGHT before I got married.

Love is not something that happens on command, in your ego’s time. It happens in God’s time; or the time of the universe or a higher spirit. When you wait, you reap the all the beautiful rewards a relationship has to offer. As time goes on, your love continues to grow. It doesn’t disappear or fade, as some may suggest if you are with the right person.

There we are, the middle-aged couple happily holding hands. Someday we will be the old couple happily holding hands. And that’s all I ever wanted, someone to grow old with.

My biggest dream came true! ❤ Thank you, Dennis, my forever love!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing, and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books (in which she mentions Freddie Mercury in both, and how he inspired her as a child, teenager, and still today!):

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

30-Something is Not “So Young”

Published July 6, 2015 by Maryanne

30Responsible

I’ll never forget when I first realized how delusional younger people were. I was in my early 40s and still working for “the man” in a newsroom. The younger generation — girls in their 20s — seemed so much more childish then I was at their age. They squealed like pigs over silly things, talked too loud on their cell phones and couldn’t take criticism. And it was “okay” because they were “so young.”

Now this trend of being coddled, not taking responsibility and being downright selfish is carrying over to the 30s and even 40s! Where did this immature mindset come from?

When I was a kid, 21 was considered “old.” There was a saying, back then, “Never trust anyone over 30.” A three year generation gap between age 16 and 19 was huge! At 16 I was sneaking into bars with a fake ID. By 19, I was in bed by 8 p.m., working a full time job and going to night school. By 22 I had my first apartment.

I’m now 51. I could take it as a compliment when people say I don’t look it or act it. But is it really a compliment? Three people in the past week told me I could pass for someone in my 30s. But I don’t want to. Most young people today have a scary, sad way about them. Now I’m not speaking of ALL young people. I have some very lovely friends and nieces in their 20s and 30s that absolutely rock. But I do speak of the majority.

I’ve been age-shamed more than once by younger women and I pity them for their attitude. Fearing age and insulting other people because they are older then you is a pathetic existence. Your only other alternative is death. Though with such negative attitudes, I can guarantee 90 percent of these women won’t look as good as I do when they reach my age because negativity goes straight to the bone. And sooner or later truth shows up all over your face. Believe it!

There’s a song by The Stooges called “Your Pretty Face is Going Straight to Hell” and that’s exactly what I’m thinking when pretty young women are nasty and condescending to others. I’ve witnessed it firsthand and karma is a bitch — an unforgiving on at that. I used to work with an extremely gorgeous young woman. We were both in our 30s at the time. At first we were friends, then she showed her true colors. She bitched at me because I drank too much. She said, “I’m vain and drinking ages you. We CAN’T go out drinking all the time like this.” She complained about everything and was a control freak. I told her she was a “nit picker” but that was an understatement. Truth be told, she was disgusting. So much so I couldn’t stand to be in her company anymore. The prettiest girl I ever saw in my life turned ugly right before my eyes. I ran into her in later years. She was still bitter and now old before her time.

Another young person I used to work with, a male, used to harass me every day, whispering and making fun of me and turning young women against me (and the ding dongs went along with him! DUH!) It got to the point where I was absolutely uncomfortable going to work. I asked an older male co-worker, “What the fuck did I ever do to HIM?”

He replied, “You turned forty.”

Interesting, soon following, that guy had a string of bad karma. A tree branch fell on the roof of his car, his wife got into a bus accident and I heard through the grapevine that he wasn’t the good writer everyone thought he was — his “facts” were incorrect and he had pissed off many locals.

I recently saw his picture on Face Book. The dude looks older than me! Now he was never much to look at to begin with, but when I saw how fast he aged, I had to laugh. Payback is a bitch! Because like I said, if you’re ugly inside, it catches up with you. I guess you can also say, God watches.

Aside from what a person looks like, some say you’re as old as you feel. I’m proud to say I do feel my age — 51 (and a half!) Honestly I wouldn’t want to “feel” 30 again. Think back to how it was in your 20s and 30s — full of piss and vinegar. But in your 40s and 50s you develop a beautiful sense of peace. You know how to relax. You don’t always have to be right. You let things go. You’re not antsy to get out. You like to go to bed early and snuggle. It’s a BEAUTIFUL place to be! (And I never threw a shoe in my 40s or 50s).

And what is the alternative to growing old? Dying young? Sadly half these 20 and 30-somethings are dead already. Their negative attitude tells me so. There’s an old saying, “Youth is wasted on young.” Well it’s wasted on the not-so-young 20 and 30-somethings too!

I pity these people.

I’ve been an old soul since the age of 12, wishing to be 18. And once I got there, I embraced every step of the game. And I have diaries to prove it.

I choose life!

SAM_7927Age 51 and a half! Silly, happy and always having fun!

Who’s car is this? I don’t know, but I like it! 🙂

I Wanna Be Where the Boys Are!

Published July 3, 2015 by Maryanne

records 2The best girls are diehard music fans!

Big truth here (and what my husband says makes me special ♥).

Whenever there’s an event, other wives/girlfriends run off to smoke a cigarette, take selfies in the bathroom, check their smart phones …. whatever! But I’m happy being left behind with my very good looking husband and all the other guys talking about MUSIC!

An interesting stereotype right? But 90 percent of the time it is true.

I’ve been a diehard music fan since I was a kid. (It’s all documented in my book “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/162903908X). And from day one, it was apparent that girls weren’t as interested in music as I was. One of my touchy little girlfriends scolded me saying I talked about Freddie Mercury too much. My mom said she was right.

I felt defeated until I realized, that’s exactly the kind of girl a guy likes — one who knows music. And for that very reason, I always had more guy friends than girlfriends. A guy once said to me, “Every girl wants to be told she’s different. But you … you’re really different!”

I wrote about this on Face Book yesterday and surprisingly, I got the “thumbs up” from quite a few of my female friends! It lead to an hour long conversation from one girl I was friends with in the 1990s. We took a walk down memory lane discussing all the bands we saw together and then shared the highlights of some of our favorites that we saw in later years. It was the most fun I had on Face Book in ages and I don’t see something like that happening again soon, as females bonding over music is rare. This is why, in my second book, “Love Cats” (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YBGVJQS/) I had two girlfriends, Janey and Valerie, being big music fans.  This way, the book could be more attractive to male readers who normally wouldn’t read chick lit.

Actor Scott Schiaffo, best known for his role as the Chewlies Man in Kevin Smith’s “Clerks,” endorsed “Love Cats” saying, “Maryanne’s zeal for life and passion for creativity shines through in all of her work. Here in her first book of fiction she gives us multidimensional characters mitigating love and growing pains as they manicure their pop culture lifestyle at the tail end of the ’80s. It’s romance — Gen X style! I could not get enough of Janey and Beck.”

I was thrilled that Scott enjoyed my little romance novel. Of course with so many musical references you can’t go wrong when it comes to hip guys from the Gen X generation! And that’s just it … guys who are big music freaks really are the best guys. I always found musicians and music fans to be the deepest, smartest, funniest, dedicated and most honest. Sure, there are some that fit the stereotype of being cheaters and assholes, but there’s definitely more that are not. In our circle, all the musicians and music lovers are super guys that anyone would enjoy being around. Hey, maybe that’s why I don’t mind being left at bar with them!

So, ladies, perhaps I can inspire you … when your group runs off to wherever for whatever, why not stay behind? That’s where all the fun is!

Now enjoy some cool tunes:

National Old Maids Day

Published June 4, 2015 by Maryanne

maryanne & art2005 – Still single in my early 40s, the modern old maid!

Today is National Old Maids Day.

Old Maid refers to an older, childless woman who was never married. For sure I thought I was headed towards spinsterhood (and happily so) until I met the love of my life at age 42. (Now pushing 52, we’ve been happily married three years and together nine!)

Thank God the world wised up and realizes that women are worth so much more than a ring on their finger and banging out kids. Some of us (me!) were late bloomers and didn’t even realize our potential until later in life. In the above photo I’m selling art in Union Square. I didn’t even realize I had that talent in me until I temporarily baby sat a 9-year-old girl!

Then in the summer of 2008 I started my own business (https://peartreeenterprises.wordpress.com/) which was at first a variety of things, now honed to my greatest loves: writing/journalism, ghost writing/book editing and public speaking.

As a young working woman in the 1980s, life was a little more difficult. There was severe pressure to get married. Everyone was expected to be paired up like Noah’s Ark. And, yeah, while love is the greatest quest for all, I wanted even more in life. I wanted it ALL! I wanted someone who not only adored me, but respected my dreams and aspirations.

I worked very good jobs in the 1980s, at corporate businesses. But that’s not where my head was at. My desire to be creative and make money doing so outweighed any desire to marry and breed. So once I was able to be a full time writer, that’s when I was able to fully concentrate on love and being with someone good for me.

In my recent book “Love Cats” (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YBGVJQS/) I address the “old maid” issue via my character Janey.

Janey starts out as a smart character who wants a guy with substance. Though when she meets one, her insecurities get the best of her and she subconsciously does everything she could to kill the relationship. Though the difference between me and her is that while creative success is what drove me, Janey doesn’t need any kind of success as she’s already a wealthy trust fund and she’s simply driven by her own selfishness.

Whatever motivates us to stay single (work, fear, waiting for the right one, etc.) I think it’s super cool that in these modern times women are viewed as so much more and we no longer have to live in “shame” because we aren’t hooked up.

I tell everyone who asks my advice, to wait. Wait until you meet that one of a kind soul mate who rocks your world. There is no need to settle. Nor was there a need to settle 30 years ago either, we just took more shit from people for not settling. I’ve avoided certain relatives for years because they were more interested in who I was dating and how serious it was. Not my career, not my interests, not my dreams or desires. Just who I was dating and if marriage was in the cards.

I dreaded those horrible questions, yet stuck to my guns and never settled.

Mind you, when I say “never settled” while I did date a ton of jerks, I also dated some really cool guys — just not right for ME. I am still friends with some of these guys and my husband likes them too. We are so blessed that we have such an honest relationship with each other. And his ex-girlfriend’s brother is my favorite of all his friends! And that’s another cool blog for a later date, how trust is the most beautiful thing in a relationship.

But back to Janey …

In “Love Cats” Janey’s live-in maid, Lucia refers to her as an “old lady” for not having a ring on her finger — and she’s not even 25 yet! But that’s how it was in the 1980s. So much pressure for a young girl trying to find herself. Too much noise from the peanut gallery. Urgh!

It’s so cool that it’s acceptable today for women to live at home longer, concentrate on their careers, and not even marry at all if they don’t want to. Even though I’m married, I can sigh with relief that there is no pressure on me to bear children and raise a family. My husband and I are perfectly fine with our little love cat, Derick. Life is so good when you don’t have the rest of the world throwing their desires in YOUR face. We’re so blessed to exist in a live and let live time. Let’s keep it that way!

We’ve come a long way baby!

THANK GOD!

wonder-woman

Trust is a Word All Lovers Know

Published May 12, 2015 by Maryanne

trustA few years ago I ended a friendship with a girl I couldn’t see eye-to-eye with on the issue of trust. She called the end of our friendship a “falling out” and in a classless manner trashed me openly on the internet (on another friend’s Face Book page).

That was not a cool thing to do, or an honest one on her part. What happened was not a “falling out” as I was open to someday becoming friends again — if she grew up.

Hear me out …

This girl was with a guy over 20 years, yet still had trust issues with him.

As her friend, I couldn’t handle that. Any normal person would want what is best for their friends, so they can learn, grow and be happy.

Plus, if a girl has trust issues with her own partner, how could I expect us to grow as friends? I couldn’t. I’ve had distrustful girlfriends in the past so I know firsthand, if they are questioning and accusing their partners, next thing you know they’ll be questioning and accusing YOU! And by me questioning the lack of trust in her relationship, it had her running from our friendship. There was no “let’s talk.”The friendship was over, just like that. Even after I wrote her a beautiful email trying to reason with her. No. She didn’t trust her lover. She didn’t trust me. She will be a friend to no one because she’s afraid to open her heart. She, like anyone who is in a distrustful “relationship” is just lying to him/herself. A distrustful relationship is not a relationship at all. It’s just a waste of time … and in her case, a waste of life.

Trust is the greatest gift my husband ever gave me.

Trust is the most beautiful thing in the world. To know that someone is your baby and that they will never hurt you, and they know you will never hurt them either,  it’s such a precious thing that we should all aspire to.

Trust is such a relief. To be in a relationship without constantly having to prove your love, just safely knowing it’s there is a miracle from God … a big one.

I remember, before I met my husband, some of the crazy distrusting men I dated. It’s the most awful feeling to be accused of something you haven’t done. To have someone throw out your CDs because he’s jealous of the lead singer. To have someone reprimand you for casually looking at your watch, thinking you have another date to go on. To have someone behave as if he owns you.

I could cry thinking back to all the hurt I went through as a single woman. The best thing about my past, though, is when there was distrust, I got out pretty quick. Because nothing says “I don’t really care about you” more than distrust. Distrust is ugly. It means jealousy, insecurity, heartaches and bad times. None of that is a foundation for a good relationship. Distrust doesn’t mean someone cares, it means they are co-dependent. They are using you, not loving you.

When you’re in an unhappy relationship, you’re constantly thinking of that unhappy relationship … is he/she gonna call? Am I doing the right thing? Will he/she get mad if I do this or that?

But when you’re in a genuine, loving relationship, you don’t have to think about much at all. You just enjoy it!

That is why, when seeking true love, TRUST should be above all else.

TRUST = SOUL MATE.

TRUST = TRUE LOVE.

TRUST = MAGIC.

I wish everyone a beautiful, trusting relationship. Because it’s out there waiting for you.

Be open.

Be happy.

Be YOU-nique!

 

My “NotMom” Interview

Published March 27, 2015 by Maryanne

SAM_6304Proud Kitty Mom!

Hello Gang!

As some of you know I’ll be speaking at the NotMom Summit this October, in Cleveland. I’m honored to also have been recently interviewed for the NotMom website.

Please check out my female-positive interview here: http://thenotmom.com/the-notmom-interview-maryanne-christiano-mistretta-author-of-on-the-guest-list/

Cheers to Three Years!

Published November 10, 2014 by Maryanne

SAM_6342

Yesterday celebrated my third year wedding anniversary and we’ve been together nine years total.

Dennis is my heart, my soul, my best friend. And the world is truly a better place with him in it.

I’m so blessed to have found a kindred spirit. Someone who loves music. Someone who adores animals. Someone who lives life to the fullest. Someone I can be silly around. Someone who loves me not only when I’m happy, but when I’m sad and needy. Someone I can’t imagine life without.

While many things are sacred and not to be shared, nothing’s wrong with a little blog celebrating our anniversary, to let the world know … I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND I’M SO LUCKY!

SAM_6351November 9, 2014 (Three years!)

Dennis and Maryanne - weddingOur Wedding Day, 11-9-11 (photo by Darlene Foster)