humor

All posts tagged humor

All About Eve

Published May 7, 2017 by Maryanne

SAM_2438Drawing by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

All About Eve

All about Eve?

What about me?

In a superficial society.

Trendy, Fendi,

Keeping up with Beyonce

Spending at your local foods

People are so freakin’ rude

Pushing shop carts into butts

Let their kids do what they want.

Monopolize the conversation

It’s better than a sex sensation

Demean others, even your friends

The main thing is to “win, win, win.”

Do it daily, do it loud

Do it often so you feel proud

Raise your kid the same way

She’s a princess every day

Problems in the world we see

Ignorance, sickness, poverty

Change would be nice, if only …

Yet we still chant, “Me! Me! Me!”

And, you know, it’s nothing new,

Eve was all about “me” too.

Back then it was forbidden fruit,

Now it’s Botox to stay cute.

Charlton Heston, was once the rage, uh-huh

No one cares what Moses claimed; uh-huh

And the ME goes on. And the ME goes on.

On.

On.

On.

On.

Copyright 2017, Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

All rights reserved.

How Many Husbands?

Published July 20, 2013 by Maryanne

woman two suitors

This morning I was in a Hallmark store waiting for a gift to be wrapped, so I just stood to the side and let other customers go to the next register.

There was a man with a cane standing next to me, probably in his 60s or 70s. I had my left arm resting over my bag at the counter and he said, “That’s nice,” as he pointed to my left arm.

“Oh, thank you!” I said, assuming he was talking about my wedding band.

“How many do you have?” he asked.

“Husbands?!” I asked, with a smile on my face.

He looked baffled as I was, as he was referring to the tattoo on my wrist — not my wedding band.

Please Note: New Phone Number

Published June 19, 2013 by Maryanne

phone

EMAIL FROM A FRIEND:

Hello!
 
New Phone Number – Please Note
 
XXXXX
 
Sincerely,
XXXXX
MY RESPONSE:
A phone number? How refreshing. I thought people only texted and emailed each other — or so I was “trained” to do so by friends over the past few years. That said, I’ll disregard this email because I don’t call anyone anymore unless they call me. It’s the nature of the me-me-me world — I’m turning into “one of them.”

Good Old Songs or Good Ole Songs? There IS a Difference!

Published March 21, 2013 by Maryanne

Squeek SteeleMy client, Squeek Steele

In addition to writing, book editing, marketing/promoting, I also manage entertainers.

The entertainers I manage are all retired or semi-retired seniors and I get them gigs at assisted living facilities, hospitals and libraries. Some have been with me since 2009.

Squeek Steele is an amazing pianist who performs the old rag time music on piano. I call her “flying fingers” because her fingers fly across the piano.

Check her out:

Squeek is from Virginia City, Nevada, and whenever she ventures out to New Jersey, she’ll call me to book her some gigs.

I gave her website to an assisted living facility that often has coffee socials and called them back a few days later to follow up.

The activities director said, “We would LOVE to have that handsome gentleman come perform!”

I was confused.

“Handsome gentleman? Squeek is a lady,” I said.

“A lady?” The activities director was confused too.

I was wondering if she had the right person, so I asked her if she was at a computer. She was. I gave her Squeek’s website and spoke slowly to make sure she got it right. Squeek’s site is: Good Old Songs dot com (http://www.goodoldsongs.com/).

Well, turned out, the activities director went to Good Ole Songs dot com (http://www.goodolesongs.com/) which is the website for entertainer, Tommy Schlein — all the way from Victoria, Texas!

TommyTommy Schlein

After having a good laugh with the activities director, I checked out Tommy Schlein’s website and was very impressed with his talent. And since this story was so funny, I decided to reach out to him with an email, explaining what had happened.

Within a half hour, Tommy called me! We had a great conversation and a great laugh. Turns out, like myself, he’s a Christian too.

It just goes to show how funny life can be when you’re least expecting it — and how you never know the nice people you’ll meet along the way. And if Tommy ever decides to visit New Jersey — he already is building his fan base, with me and the activities director it’s a pretty good start!

NOTE: The activities director wanted to book Squeek too, but the dates she was available didn’t jive with what the director had open on her calendar.

American Idol or Audition for Omega Man Remake?

Published March 14, 2013 by Maryanne

Nicki Minaj - Omega Man lookNicki Minaj, American Idol judge

So, Nicki,our dear little lady bug, what is up?

You were so pretty the last couple weeks

with your toned down style

softer hair and fresh make-up.

You were giving your audience

everything that we needed!

You looked like a little mini marshmallow

that everybody just wanted to eat!

What happened to our little lady bug?

We want our little girl back.

Omega Man bettter picOmega Man, 1971