inspiration

All posts tagged inspiration

Why Do Weak People Call Others “Weak”?

Published November 17, 2017 by Maryanne

Delicate

I am a sensitive person — and proud of it.

My sensitivity makes me a caring, creative, loyal, passionate, hard-working person. When I wake up in the morning, I look in the mirror and can honestly say, “I like me.” Not to say I’m perfect. I made dumb mistakes, but will be the first to say when I’m wrong.

Then there are the times when I’m right. And being right, I have to stand up for myself.

Defending yourself — and your rights — is something a person with strong character does. Not everyone can do that. People who speak up are those who aim for a better place in life. They are dreamers who, at best, want a better world, and at the very least, strive for respect in their own little corner of the world.

That said, when someone says you are “delicate” because you don’t want to be treated like a dishrag, DO call them on their bullshit. It doesn’t make sense that someone can be downright nasty, but then if you give them a taste of their own medicine (and in a polite way, as most sensitive people do — unless they are pushed to the limit; and everyone has their limits) then they get all defensive. Is that the pot calling the kettle black? Yes!

Will “they” ever get it? Probably not.

Some people are just conditioned to blame — or bully — others for what they lack. It’s Real Life 101. The honest reason for this is because they are too lazy to work on themselves. With lack of elevation, weak minds do what they do best: manipulate, flock to a clique, lie about others to get their way, and if you don’t go with their program they will call you names like “delicate.” Meanwhile, they are the real fragile ones because they lack the knowledge (and desire) to become grown-ups. They live in a fantasy world — a world where they are always right. Their pride is pseudo. They wear masks to disguise their true fear.

When confronted with such types, the best thing any sane person could do is get away from them because you’ll never win. You could kill them with kindness, but that only goes so far. Name calling bullies and sensitive people will never mix well because sensitive people are the real movers and shakers of the world, while bullies are limited to being big fish in very small ponds. Don’t believe me? Just Google the famous person you admire most. Chances are they will admit to being bullied for being different or shy or thinking out of the box.

Have you been told you’re “too sensitive”? If so, be proud to carry that flag. It means you’ll go far in life! Continue to be sensitive; and continue to fight for your right to do so. That is true courage. And it’s far from being “weak” or “delicate.”

Maryanne Christiano Mistretta is the author of “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” a book about her struggles with being bullied. It’s available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X

OR email Maryanne directly for a cheaper, autographed copy: maryannechristiano@gmail.com 

 

 

 

 

 

Book Signing for “On the Guest List” for Nutley Book Club, Nutley, NJ

Published November 7, 2017 by Maryanne

DSCF0662From left – Maria Labadia, Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta, Kiran Patel

Last night I was extremely honored to do a book reading/signing for the Nutley Book Club, Nutley, New Jersey, at the Nutley Library.

Of all my book signings since I published my first book, “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” (https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X) this was by far my favorite because the guests read the book prior to the event!

It’s the coolest feeling for an author to hear, “I wanted to meet you!”

We had a great time talking about the book and people sharing their own musical experiences. The one thing I always hear about “Guest List” is that even if readers don’t know the bands I’m speaking about, they are relating because of how my love for music translates on the pages. “Like reading a diary” I’m often told.

Prior to the reading, Maria and Kiran took me to a wonderful dinner at Luna restaurant. I had great conversation and laughs with two wonderful ladies.

It was indeed a five-star night!

The Love of an Animal

Published October 28, 2017 by Maryanne

True LoveNicholas Gray and Maryanne

“Until one has loved an animal a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” — Anatole France. 

 

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of “Love Cats” available on Amazon in paperback and kindle editions: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Cats-Maryanne-Christiano-Mistretta/dp/1681020513

Decadent Therapy!

Published October 15, 2017 by Maryanne

Cake PhotoThat couch! It’s a beautiful thing!

(Me at Cake, NYC in the 1990s, the decade of Prozac Nation)

It always cracks me up when someone tries to win an argument by suggesting that the person they are arguing with needs therapy. Therapy-shaming is ignorant. Therapy is something everyone can benefit from, and only a narcissist would think they don’t need therapy.

Every successful, truly happy person I’ve ever met has been clearly vocal about their therapist. This leads me to believe that people who ain’t too proud to admit they could use a little help are the ones that learn to move mountains in life.

“Asking for help is always a sign of strength” – Michelle Obama.

“It’s really a wonderful thing to be able to talk to someone who doesn’t judge you.” -Katy Perry.

Since the 1960s, therapy has been in vogue. For part of the ’60s I wasn’t even born, but I became aware of the power of therapy in the 1990s. I was in my early 30s — and we were in the musical age of grunge. Back then, it seemed like everyone was depressed. Books like “Prozac Nation” were top sellers. Kurt Cobain killed himself and it was documented that some fans followed suit and killed themselves too. People started to become aware that depression and bipolar and stress were real things — for real people. And all the cool people started going to therapy.

Jumping on the band wagon, I tested the waters with a few therapists back then. The problem is, like anything else good in life, it takes some time to find a good one. But the effort is well worth it. Over the years I found a couple good ones — and from time to time, their wisdom still seeps into my brain and it’s very helpful.

Earlier this week one of my favorite friends took me to a Katy Perry concert. I wasn’t familiar with her music; then during the show, I fell in love with it. Every song was amazing — and empowering. And her stage show was epic.

I Googled Katy Perry and was incredibly impressed by all she did. She wrote all her songs; songs that had hooks, songs that were clever and fun, and told me Katy Perry could be an old soul. It made perfect sense to learn that such a super high achiever goes (or went) to therapy.

And here I am relating, because I’m at a time in my life where my career took an incredible turn for the better, which goes hand in hand with stress. Then when it comes time to “down time” you have to spend it more wisely, being more choosy about the people you want to connect with.

Once things started getting super good, career-wise, I took the advice of a few friends and started letting go of things that no longer served me. Life was always precious to me, but now even more so. Each waking moment has to count. I needed to manage my personal life like I manage my career.

So, by the advice of a psychic, I cleaned out my Facebook page, getting rid of people I’m not relating to and probably would never see again in my life. (And in their favor, they probably wouldn’t care if they never saw me again; so if they want to be snarky about it, they can post those unoriginal memes that say, “The trash took itself out.”).

I also let go of writing for two freelance publications I felt were holding me back; whether it was the stress of not liking a particular editor, or always chasing after checks that were notoriously late. It was just something that was no longer necessary to my being. TW = time wasting.

It’s a huge relief knowing that I’ll never get an email from either publication again. And I take even more comfort knowing that there are people I really can’t stand and I’ll never have to see them in my Facebook feed again!

If only every problem everyone had could disappear with a “delete” button or just saying “I quit.” But, no, that’s not going to happen.

I look so good on paper. I have the most amazing, adoring husband; the most creative, loving girlfriends; and I get to make a living as an editor, writer, and public speaker. How cool is that?

The bottom line is — I’m human. I get nervous. I get scared. I have bursts of unhappiness. I terribly miss loved ones who passed and are waiting on the other side. I worry about things that may never happen. I am too sensitive for this world.

So what do I do about it? Call a therapist. Unfortunately the one that helped me the most 10 years ago has long retired.

I found another I really like. She wasn’t in my benefits network and offered to help me find others that were. When she sent an email with names and numbers, after researching them, I wasn’t feeling it. I shook my head. I wrote back to her, “But I want YOU!”

It made no difference to me that I’d be paying out of pocket. From my short phone call with this woman, she deserves my top dollar! And, I’m worth it. My first appointment is in two weeks.

I can’t wait to get on that couch, put my cute feet up, and have some girl talk with an intelligent age-appropriate woman who wowed me over the telephone in a short consult session.

God bless that good ‘ole glamorous indulgence called therapy. If it’s good enough for Katy Perry, it’s good enough for me! ❤

I feel better already!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is a three-time author. Her second book, the fictitious “Love Cats” deals with the issues of selfish people. It’s available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback versions: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Cats-Maryanne-Christiano-Mistretta/dp/1681020513)  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES!

Published July 26, 2017 by Maryanne

SAM_2883New life, new hair! 

Last week I changed my hair. I haven’t been a redhead in a long time so when my new hairstylist/colorist encouraged me to go red, I went with it. The bottom half was done in foils and the top was a glaze, giving an ombre look (and when the glaze fades, as glazes do, my natural brown will look cool with the lighter shade of red, that’s like a strawberry blonde on the bottom). Note, this photo does nothing for the color — in real life it just pops!

Anyway, why the dramatic change in my hair? Because I had a dramatic change in my life!

It happened about a month ago, but haven’t told many yet. After working for myself for nine years, I took a full time job in the editorial department of a magazine!

For nine years I’ve worked as the sole proprietor of my business, Pear Tree Enterprises: https://peartreeenterprises.wordpress.com/

When I first started Pear Tree, I had just left an editorial job I worked at for seven years and was trying to find myself. In the past nine years, being my own boss: I’ve helped at least 20 people write their books for publication; I’ve written my own two books (with a third coming out later this year, published by GenZ); I’ve become a public speaker, speaking on various topics at libraries throughout New Jersey, including my Learn & Listen series, which made the front page of The Caldwell News (http://www.mypaperonline.com/library-patrons-learn-and-listen-about-famous-musicians.html); I’ve also put an entire magazine together, learning to use a design program.

During this time, I’ve been interviewed on blog talk radio shows across the United States; have been on well known NJ radio shows; and was featured on a Long Island cable show after starting a non-profit animal rights organization called R.O.A.R. (Respect Our Animals’ Rights) (https://respectouranimalsrights.wordpress.com/).

I’ve also done countless book signings and have met so many famous people I’ve highly admired.

So, with all this success, why would I ditch it all to go back to the so-called rat race?

Three words — I was exhausted.

Running your own show is hard. Trying to find the right help is harder. My husband put it best when he said that I never made the right connections to keep Pear Tree going on a full time basis. I’ve interviewed countless people to be my assistant, and I wasn’t “feeling it” for anyone.

Once I made the decision to re-enter the workforce, I decided to do it wisely. I took my time. I approached job hunting with the same seriousness as I did while looking for a husband. I found my soulmate in 2005 and have been happy together ever since. I was 42 at the time — a true late bloomer. I didn’t marry the first guy who asked me.

So, while seeking a job, I kept an eye out for all the signs of what could be right for me. I don’t even know how long I was actively looking because I didn’t make a job out of seeking a job. When I saw something desirable, I applied.

Then about a month ago, I was hired for TWO jobs! It was a tough decision because both were interesting and both were editorial related. Then I made the RIGHT CHOICE — and almost two months later, I am ecstatic! Not only do I have a position I deserve, with great team players, I can still work Pear Tree as a side gig. I am still giving lectures and helping people write books; as well as writing my own; and freelancing for a magazine I love and believe in. And it’s not like I’m “overworked” either. I simply do freelance work when I feel like it — an hour here, an hour there and the pay adds up. And it’s a damn good feeling to be able to pick and choose what you want to do in life — and the people you want to do it with!

Like being with the right mate, a marriage feels extremely free and liberating. That’s how it is when you have the right job. Work just never feels like work! It’s a time for learning. And I’m so fortunate to be working in a creative environment, using my talents. But best of all, I now have help. Working in a company means you’ll always have someone to fall back on; unlike running the whole show myself. That said, words just can’t express how happy I am!

Unfortunately I had to let some freelance things go like the low-paying blogging jobs; and doing lectures during the week, as I’m now limited to weekends. But to move ahead, you always have to leave some things behind. But it’s worth it. Everything fell into place in such a beautiful way. And while I was always pleased with my life and at times couldn’t imagine it getting any better — it always gets even better!

So, now, I’m officially part of the “rat race” — but it’s a cute rat race! Kinda like a pet rat race.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of three books, including “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” available on Amazon. If you like positive, fun, silly books that don’t go in a downward spiral, this one’s for you: https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X

Her third book “The Gypsy Smiled” will be published by GenZ later this year.

Make Way for Happiness!

Published July 8, 2017 by Maryanne

SAM_2842Hello Happiness

This is why I’m more a believer in pronoia than karma …

First, I must explain “pronoia” since everyone knows what karma is. According to Wikipedia, here is the definition: “Pronoia is a neologism that is defined as the opposite state of mind to paranoia: having the sense that there is a conspiracy that exists to help the person. It is also used to describe a philosophy that the world is set up to secretly benefit people.”

Blessings in disguise are necessary to one’s evolution. It really sucks to be going through a bad time, but that’s what moves you to a better time. A quick example would be my career. Thanks to always trying to escape nasty people and office gossip, I’ve advanced myself to places I’ve always dreamed of. Starting out as a shipping clerk right after high school, I’ve learned all aspects of the working world — A/R, A/P, credit/collections — then went on to more creative venues, from typing, to proofreading, copy editing, writing features, learning design programs, and authoring three books. (As well as helping other people write their books). I am now superwoman. The more I learn, the higher my rates become; and the more I can pick and choose what work I want; and the more concerts I can go to, the more clothes I can buy, and the more vacations I can take. Go me.

Had I been someone who thrived on negativity, I would have stayed put. Fortunately bettering myself, away from back stabbers, always meant advancing in my career. Thank you Universe.

But pronoia doesn’t just work in career, it works in just about anything. A prime example happened a few weeks ago. I got hooked on a particular eatery and was spending much time (and money) there. However, I realized, being a health fanatic, the options were limited once I got bored with the dish I enjoyed most.

I also had to coach them to let them know there were certain items they put in their foods that I didn’t consider healthy, such as grains; almond or coconut milk from a brand that uses cane sugar; and bananas, which are extremely high carbs.

One day there was a new counter girl, having a hard time with my order. I was extremely patient, with a smile on my face. Fifteen minutes later, the grand finale was that she put granola on top of my finished product. (I do not like granola at all!)

I told her I was allergic, which gets you more compassion than just saying you do not like something — sometimes. But not this time. The owner was very snippy with me and said, “You’re allergic to nuts?!” as if I bothered her.

Right then and there I made up my mind that I would never step foot in that place again. I never really felt comfortable there to begin with. It was just an all around bad vibe as they tended to cater to people they knew personally, making it clique-ish. Plus, that day I saw fruit flies on their samples. It was no longer an inviting place to eat.

Is this the universe speaking? You bet! Read on …

I spent 45 minutes on the internet looking for another healthy place to eat in the area. Well, I found one that was much healthier — all raw vegan foods with no processed sugar, no grains, and many items minus bananas! I’ve been going every day since. The service is better. The owner even came out to shake my hand for writing a good review about them. That’s the way to go!

But wait, there’s more!

You get “points” for your purchases! Now, not only is this place, healthier and friendlier than the first place, but less expensive. And with the points, I’ve already had two free healthy desserts (made from natural, organic fresh fruit and cacao).

Then the real reward is that going to this place takes me through the back roads, avoiding all traffic. So instead of just looking at cars, I can see deer (and fawn!) romping, rabbits, swans, etc. It’s an all around prettier trip.

If you pay attention to pronoia, you will see how it happens often. Bad things almost always push you in a better direction. If you feel uncomfortable in your place of worship,  job, or the person you are with, it’s definitely the universe (or God!) telling you that you belong somewhere else, or with someone else.

While “pronoia” is the official term, I like to call these things The Parable of Sonny & Cher. As the story goes, Sonny and Cher were so down on their luck, they had to sell all the furniture in their home to make ends meet. This is when Sonny Bono wrote their hit “I Got You Babe.”

Did you ever lose it all, then get your dream job? Or win the lottery?

Did someone you love deeply die recently? If so, watch how many great things start happening to you almost immediately afterwards. Whether it’s the universe repaying you for your loss; or your loved one, now in heaven, taking care of you from above — it’s a given that tragedy leads to precious gifts.

Did you ever have a horrible day, followed by a fantastic evening? That is also pronoia at work. Bad things motivate you to grab the good. It’s a survival mechanism.

How has pronoia worked for YOU? Feel free to share your stories; I’d love to hear them!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of three books, including “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” available on Amazon. If you like positive, fun, silly books that don’t go in a downward spiral, this one’s for you: https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X

Her third book “The Gypsy Smiled” will be published by GenZ later this year.

 

 

 

 

Rocking Old Gracefully

Published June 24, 2017 by Maryanne

sam_1712Rock Wife, night on the town

SAM_2602What a rock wife really looks like! 

A few weeks ago I went to get my haircut at a different salon and I heard something I never ever heard before … The hairstylist said she couldn’t picture me at a rock club; noting that I was quiet and dressed conservatively that day.

For a person who never gave a shit about hair, nails, or styles; has tattoos; and wears heavy eyeliner — all the time — this was an absurd thing to hear. (Especially since on that particular day I was bra-less).

But, after giving it much thought, yeah, I guess I do look conservative in a day and age where everything goes. From as far back as 15, I dressed “different.” But in the late 1970s, a ton of make-up, messy hair, leather jacket, and lots of new wave and punk buttons was considered radical. I got bullied for how I looked back then. Now, no one would bat an eye. Ahead of my time? Perhaps. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Fast forward a few years … I’ll never forget when I started dressing conservative, or what they’d call today “business casual.” I was in my late teens and a male friend I had a crush on said he liked the “secretary look.” I cleaned up my act of leather, ripped jeans, combat boots, and bleached blonde hair and started buying more fashionable clothing. But that got old and for the next 30 years I flip flopped back and forth between edgy and radical to simply pretty — or as the old friend would say, the secretary look.

The thing is, I was never one to pigeon-hole myself into just one look like I did as a teenager. The first time I left my punk look behind, I’d go back again and again and again, but I grew tired of people staring and calling me “punk” 24/7. In time, I liked having a choice. I’d punk out — or rock out — at a club, but then be more subtle at other times. (Nevertheless, I still stood out for the very reasons mentioned in the second paragraph).

Call me a sell-out, a cop-out, or a poser, but I know what is in my heart. I can love music without advertising it. I have one small tattoo, on my wrist, of a 45-rpm spindle, which is my “music charm” and that says it all. I don’t need to dye my hair some pastel color, continue shopping at Trash and Vaudeville, or pierce my face to make a statement. Anyone who knows me, knows I am the biggest music freak ever.

The thing is, I love to shop anywhere and everywhere. I’ll try all kinds of styles. And like my eclectic taste in music, I feel I’m equally as diverse in dress. That’s the greatest thing about being a woman — being able to experiment with clothes, hairstyles, and make-up.

I think it’s essential to really know what looks good on you as you age. I take all those “Over 50 dos and don’ts” with a grain of salt and just work the looks as I go along. There are some things I highly doubt I’d ever wear again; others I can still get away with; and then others I’m not quite there yet (so I’ll just say “no” to the jogging suits, for now!)

If this makes me the kind of person one couldn’t picture at a rock club, I am fine with that. I prefer outdoor oldies concerts, these days, anyway.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” Available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X

She’s also the author of the steamy 1980s romance, “Love Cats” also available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YBGVJQS/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1