jealousy is an ugly disease

All posts tagged jealousy is an ugly disease

Thou Shalt Not Covet

Published January 23, 2016 by Maryanne

Grass always greenerThe Grass is Always Greener on My Side

When I drew the above photo 10 years ago, it wasn’t meant to be cocky, it was meant to illustrate that it’s best to appreciate all you have in life. And, God knows I do.

Appreciate what you have and be supportive of the successes of others too. That is why we are on earth. God wants us to have good things in life, so live it to the fullest.

Like many people, I’ve had a rough start, only to excel in my 40s and 50s. I’ve been bullied relentlessly as a child and a teen. My heart was broken when my grandmother, who raised me, developed diabetes and died way too young. Then I had a series of health scares, when doctors said it could have been cancer (it wasn’t!) and I was in and out of hospitals for tests from 2003 to 2005. And not to mention all the fake friends, failed romances, and bad career moves (and of course jealousy along the way; it’s never really the job, it’s always the people, right?)

While life may never be 100 percent perfect (though sometimes it is for a short time), I’m thrilled to say, as a late bloomer, I became self employed in my 40s, married the love of my life, raised two beautiful cats, and am healthy!

To get to this point is a lot of work, I will not lie. However, once you are there, it’s pretty easy to have life fall into place, or get back into place when you get off track. It’s incredible and magical. Who wouldn’t want to be so happy, right?

One of the biggest tragedies in a woman’s life is when people are jealous of her. Jealousy is an ugly disease. Even if you’re an atheist or a satanist, you can’t deny that God’s words “Thou shalt not covet” is damn good advice. It just makes life so free and easy when you live out of love and not envy.

It rips my soul apart when people insinuate that I only have good health because it’s genes and that I didn’t work hard for it. That is so catty and so untrue. Even when I shared with people that my grandmother died of diabetes; and that my mother has heart disease, I didn’t get much compassion. And it hurt.

People have also been resentful that I love my career. They focus only on what they don’t have instead of what they COULD have! Now listen … when I was 18, my first job was for Scribner Book Company as a shipping clerk. I loved that job and would have stayed there for the rest of my life, had they not merged with another company. Over the years, jobs came and went and I always loved to work. But many of us know, work places are full of catty women (and men too!) By the age of 45, I couldn’t take any more office politics, gossip, and stress.

Before you resent someone for starting their own business (and succeeding) ask yourself … do you know what it’s like to leave your desk several times a day, crying in the bathroom because of a company that has poor management and hasn’t trained you to do your job properly; or because of women saying nasty things to you? Stress in the workplace is the most horrible thing ever. If you have an abusive boyfriend, you can leave him without a setback — you are free! But people need to work! And stress can kill you. When you’re at the age where you can be prone to stress related diseases such as shingles — is job aggravation really worth it?

THAT mindset is what pushed me to start my own business. I took all those lemons as a voice from the universe that I am not a team player and need to work for myself. And, yes, I am proud of how far I’ve come. So, please do not covet me for my successes in life. I deserve all the happiness I have. I embrace life and have a helluva lot of fun. People who resent others for what they have should really be ashamed of themselves.

When someone is as positive as I am, that’s the kind of person you should want on YOUR side. Pissing someone like me off, is not in your favor. Happy people live to make other people happy — that’s what we do best. But it has to be a group effort. I can’t flog a dead horse if someone wants to remain in the same place, day after day, year after year. You can only grow if you are willing to take the chance and break out from Point A to Point B. And you don’t get there by giving others people the evil eye if they have what you don’t. You get there by embracing other people and praising them for their hard work. Instead of gossiping, try to say, “Wow, I’d like to be like her/him!”

If you want to be in a happy relationship, hang out with others in happy relationships and someday that will be you. If you want a career, hang out with others who have good careers and your turn will come. There is no need to covet — ever!

If someone can be a friend to me, I’ll be a friend double/triple to them. I’m the one who is always giving compliments, looking on the bright side, helping others with their problems, dropping everything if someone calls for advice. I’m the first to acknowledge the success of others. The first to congratulate someone on their engagement. The one who thinks about people’s kids. And the friend who will always answer emails.

So next time you want to hate someone because you THINK they have more than you do, please DON’T. You do not know a person’s  story and how hard their lives were (or are). Happy people get there from hard work — it doesn’t happen overnight. Your negativity may hurt someone, but it will also inspire them to write a blog (such as this) which will inspire others in years to come. How do I know this? Because some of my most inspiring blogs, written over three years ago, are still getting the highest stats.

Happiness is a choice — one I’ll always chose! (As I type with a pretty cat sitting on my lap!)

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/162903908X

 

Why the Word “Moderation” Has Got to Go!

Published July 19, 2015 by Maryanne

motivational-tipsKeep at it!

When it comes to health goals, the phrase “everything in moderation” has got to go. Would you tell an alcoholic to drink in moderation? Would you tell a diabetic to consumer sugar in moderation? To get from point A to point B you have to be extreme and say “no” — and sometimes for a very long time. Maybe forever. If I did things in moderation, I wouldn’t achieve such great health goals — I’ve freaked out more than one doctor in my lifetime with my health success by being an extremist.. So, don’t talk to me about “moderation.” You ain’t gonna win.

Now, this post isn’t about healthy people going on vacation and bringing food into their hotel rooms because they’re afraid to eat at a restaurant. This post is about people who have a health goal — whether it’s reversing diabetes or losing weight. If you’re serious about something, you gotta stick to it until you get to where you want to be.

As followers know, I’ve been doing the paleo diet for over a year now. For the first few months I was pretty rigid in it. During those first months, I developed fab abs (in my 50s!) and was able to raise my blood pressure to “normal.” That thrilled me because all my life my blood pressure was “too low.” Doctors said “too low” was better than “high” — but for me, I like to be perfect. I also impressed the ladies in the front office at my dentist. They thought I had my teeth whitened! No, my teeth got whiter from eating paleo!

But like anything else, when you’re feeling good and happy, you start to slack off. I’ll never forget, it was around Halloween when I had my first fun-sized bag of chips after four months of avoiding them. They just didn’t taste the same, but I ate them anyway. Then came Christmas and like everyone else, I indulged. Of course the little belly came back, but the blood pressure stayed normal because I was able to get right back into eating paleo. The paleo lifestyle is a win/win because it’s one of the few lifestyles that is so easy because you’re never hungry. The reason you’re never hungry is because you’re feeding your body with beautiful nutrients from good fats (grass-fed butter, avocado and coconut oil). So, now at this point I was eating about 80 percent paleo but also some grains.

 Now, if I didn’t know a thing or two about health/nutrition, I wouldn’t have had my own health column in The Patch online. Nor would I have had the opportunity to present lectures on the paleo diet at local libraries. (You can see this awesome article about me that ran in the Observer: http://www.newjerseyhills.com/observer-tribune/news/caveman-diet-discussed-in-long-valley/article_225401a6-6fcd-5968-8968-355e730c439a.html?mode=story

This week, I got into a sweet groove again after buying a package of paleo coconut wraps. I started making avocado/tomato sandwiches with them and also putting some extra grass-fed butter into my bulletproof coffee. Still not 100 percent paleo, but because of the extra fat — I noticed I lost about three pounds in a matter of a few days! The belly was going down again!!

My mistake was sharing this on Facebook.

Leave it to a “joy stealer” to come along and shoot me down. (NOTE: I coined the phrase “joy stealer” to define this sort of asshole: When someone is speaking positively of something they love, whether it be food, their husband, their career, etc. and another person shoots it down, it’s called “stealing joy.” And that is not a live-and-let-live mindset. If you do this, shame on you!)

A woman who drinks three yeasty beers with her lunch had the nerve to tell me “Everything in moderation. Fat is unhealthy.”

It cracks me up. People can drink like fish. Smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. Go to McDonald’s on a regular basis. Put chemicals on their hair. Avoid exercise. No one bats an eye. Then because I had an avocado in a coconut wrap — I have to hear, OH MY GOD I gotta watch my fat intake or I’m gonna die!!!

It’s pretty silly, right? I first said that back in 2004, defending my raw food diet (which is pretty close to paleo, actually … ever since I became paleo, my raw food intake increased dramatically). On day after a minor surgery, before I was self-employed and was still working in an office, I was eating a pineapple for lunch because pineapple is great for healing.

A snooty woman turned her nose up at me, scrunched her face, did the Elvis lip thing, and whined, “You’re gonna eat ALL THAT?”

But she never ever questioned the man who had three slices of pizza for lunch ever day. And she never questioned the ladies who had buckets and buckets of Chinese and Mexican take-out — not once ever making a fresh salad.

No, no, no … it’s the HEALTHY PERSON that people are skeptical of!

Thinking about all this, I came to the conclusion that people who say, “Everything in moderation” are those who feel guilty about their own shortcomings like the yeasty beer chick.

So, before you act like a JOY STEALER when you see someone eating 100 percent raw, or paleo or vegan … or doing the Master Cleanse … Don’t be an asshole and shoot down their goals with the ultra ridiculous “moderation” comment. Let people be and come to their lovely place on their own time. “Moderation” will always be around. Your health, maybe not.

SAM_7938Healthy me!

Thanks to grass-fed butter, coconut oil and avocados — consumed daily!

Maryanne Christiano Mistretta is an author and public speaker. She is available to present the lectures “Paleo for Beginners” and “Eat Well During the Holidays.” Will travel. Email Maryanne for pricing and availability: maryannechristiano@gmail.com

Maryanne is also the author of “Love Cats” — a romantic/erotic fiction story that takes place in the 1980s and is definitely not for the moderation-minded! “Love Cats” is available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YBGVJQS/

Entitlement

Published April 26, 2015 by Maryanne

SAM_0922

I’m HAPPY!

(Deal with it!)

One of my biggest complaints in life, as those who follow my blog know, is when people begrudge others for being happy.

It’s just not fair when you’re doing what you want, in life, and others have steam coming out of their noses because of it. Oh yeah, that green-eyed monster rears its ugly head.

We all know our strengths and weaknesses and my biggest strength is that I’m a good person and a great friend. Morrissey has a song called “We Hate it When Our Friends Become Successful.” Not me! I’ll be the one who cheers you on! Do you have great news? Give me a call! I’ll support you.

I’ve had people call to tell me they knew I’d be happy for them when their own family (or spouse) wouldn’t get it. People just can’t wait to share their good news with me, because I am genuine in being happy right along with them.

So, why is it wrong that I’m doing what I want?

Can’t you be happy for me too?

Sound familiar? It did to my husband when he was listening to the lyrics of “Entitlement” by Jack White.

My husband said, “You have to listen to this! Jack White wrote a song that you could have written! You can write a blog about this!”

I listened to it … and, yeah, sad but true, that’s how neglected I sometimes feel when it comes to other people. I’m so tired of people who are competitive and always trying to “one-up” me. I’m so tired of being quiet and downplaying my accomplishments around certain people because their jealousy is so apparent.

If you can’t be happy for me, like I am for YOU, you best believe I’ll be avoiding you as much as possible.

There is no shame in the fact that I’m happily married, that I love my work and never want to retire, that I live each day to the fullest, and that at 51, I am still confident, attractive and in shape.

I got all I ever wanted. And I am entitled.

The other half of it, is how many people feel “entitled” in a negative sense. Those who feel the world owes them something. Kids who want jobs, but don’t want to work … spending all the company’s time while they are on cell phones, texting.

A few days ago, I wrote about parents coddling their children as if they could do no wrong. These kids grow up believing they are always right and have hissy fits when they are corrected. I know, because as far back as seven years ago, when I was still in the work force, editors didn’t dare tell the young-uns who just got out of college their mistakes. They couldn’t handle the critique like the more seasoned writers could. You had to walk on eggshells. And this is the direction the world is heading towards: bowing down to the entitled.

Jack White’s song, clarified that.

Even in his superstar status — where he sits — he sees this new family way that we, as civilians, are enduring day-by-day.

It’s the way of the world, how some parents are giving the “tools of life” to their kids by entitlement — and not hard work.

Nailing the Last Four Commandments with Common Sense

Published April 4, 2015 by Maryanne

10 CommandmentsCharlton Heston as Moses

While Easter weekend is a time to honor Jesus Christ, it’s also a time to reflect on God and the Bible in general. I got to seriously thinking about The 10 Commandments and how easy it is to follow the last four if you simply mix psychology, common sense, and love for your fellow man.

7. You shall not commit adultery. There’s an old saying that when you cheat you cheat yourself. This couldn’t be more true. Whenever someone confesses to me that they are unhappy in their marriage and thinking of cheating, I remind them of the consequences. For example, if you already have a partner who is jealous, imagine how much more tragic your situation would be if you got caught cheating? Especially in divorce court!

Before you even THINK about other people, it’s best to end an undesirable situation first. Cheating is always a lose/lose. When people start putting others (and themselves) “second” nothing good ever comes out of it. Sneaking around isn’t “real” just a mere fantasy. When you cheat, no matter how much you think you’re “connected” you’re not. And while there’s the possibility that one party could decide to make it “real” and leave one partner to go with the other — the other will most likely lose interest because he/she didn’t really want you, he/she just wanted to play.

Cowards lie, sneak and cheat. Adults discuss things and find solutions to problems. If leaving is a solution, go for it; don’t drag an unsuspecting party into your mess because karma is a bitch and the truth always comes out.

When I met my husband, we were both available. No sneaking around, not hurting others, and no baggage! Just being together as much as we wanted was heaven. Almost 10 years later and we’re still so in love! And that’s about as real as you can get!

Mind you, we’re no better than anyone else; people fall in love every day. But you have to be in it to win it, so be a winner by starting with a clean slate.

8. You shall not steal. Of course if you steal goods and get caught, the law will take care of that. But what about stealing other things? Like time.

I’m a stickler for being on time. It says a lot about a person’s character. It says that you care about other people’s feelings. It says that we’re all equals and no one should wait for another person — not even a doctor. I’ve walked out of doctor’s offices if they made me wait too long.

Life is short and while you can do some amazing things while waiting (perhaps for some, finding comfort in their own thoughts or reading a book; perhaps for others, texting) it’s the most awesome feeling in the world when things run smoothly and on time.

I don’t like when people have to wait for me, it’s embarrassing. And when I wait for others, it makes me question how they feel about me: Does this person really want to spend time with me or am I a chore to them? But no matter how much others make me wait, I will never steal time if I can help it. It just feels like good karma! So I love this commandment. Thank you God!

9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. Gossip and storytelling never sat right with me. So much so that I created my own business just to get away from that.

When I was still on Face Book, I had a musician friend who was having a hard time with an ex wife who was bearing false witness against him. My heart truly went out to this man and his wife for having to deal with such garbage, in and out of court. I was once acquainted with another man who went through something similar and it was hell on earth for him. My heart bleeds for those who have had false witnesses against them. I couldn’t imagine ever doing such horrible things to an ex. Trying to destroy someone’s life, especially if they are no longer in yours is the most psycho thing ever. Man, I had some disturbing exes, but my best revenge was that I married someone a billion times better! And the exes that were good ones, I always wish well and have nothing but kind words for them.

But as I said earlier, the truth comes out and the good guy always wins. So if you can’t love one another, at least mind your own business and don’t start trouble.

10. You shall not covet. I’m nothing special, nor do I have much, so it hurts me deeply when others covet the little I have. I always said jealousy is an ugly disease. So is begrudging. When someone has something you want, don’t be jealous or begrudge — be HAPPY for them. This is the greatest lesson in life my Mom taught me early on. So many people struggle with jealousy, so I feel blessed that I’m not a jealous person. But honestly, not being jealous is the easiest thing to do. Just live in a state of love, where you like to see good things for others because that is when others will be best for you — when they are happy! It’s just a win/win. Not everyone has the same path in life and we can’t always be on top. While many people insist misery loves company, I’m the opposite. When I’m down, I want my friends to share their good news with me — because that always makes me happy. And, hey, isn’t happiness better than war?

Happy Easter!

Whether you celebrate or not, embrace the contact high,

for He has Risen!

Jesus LambJesus Christ, the Lamb of God