motivation

All posts tagged motivation

The Happy Writer!

Published May 20, 2019 by Maryanne

IMG_8614

Putting down an author just because they are not YET a “best-selling” author is a poor man’s mindset. It’s those who do not give up who win. Even if they don’t become best-selling authors, sustainability accounts for something too. Royalty checks, book signing events, and interviews on radio shows all add up. Getting offers to write blogs from all over the world and helping people write books to make their dreams come true is a blessing. It’s super fun earning money while you sleep too!
I’m living the dream and have been earning a living as a writer since 1995! I’ve been in magazines all over the world. I’ve interviewed some of the most incredible people including Henry Winkler, Tommy James, and Peter Murphy. 
I’ve had free meals in restaurants all over New York City. I’ve been on the guest list at countless concerts. And best of all, it doesn’t feel like WORK because I LOVE what I do.
Unstoppable with no plans of retiring! Because if I stop living my dream, I will DIE inside! 
So, when you meet a writer, do not ask them if they are a Best-selling author. A better question is “Are you happy?” And be prepared for an answer that will give you the greatest contact high ever!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing, and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books (which both mention how she was inspired by Freddie Mercury): 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Friendships Need Attention Too

Published May 14, 2019 by Maryanne

IMG_8542Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

I’m one of the happiest people on the planet. I married a man I adore, and who adores me. I love my career. And I have amazing friendships.

The friendships I love best are the ones you don’t have to second guess. My best friendships are the ones that make a plan to get together. No “pencil in” plans — real plans that pan out. From lunch dates to afternoon Broadway play dates to double-dates with our significant others to spa days. It’s all good!

Everyone is so busy, including myself. In my case, it’s career. In the cases of others, it’s most likely family. And in some both.

I’m by no means a “needy” person, but like romantic relationships, friendships need attention too. There are my “top” friends I see several times a year — usually to celebrate our birthdays. Those same friends I can call if I need a shoulder to cry on. Then there are other friends I see from time to time. Or call on the phone to chat because we don’t see each other as much. Then there are the friends who I don’t see much, or even talk on the phone too, but they all support me on Facebook (there are quite a few I can count on to press the “like” button if I’m promoting an event or a book). Those friends are the ones who actually take the time to read my blogs and my books! (That’s quite extraordinary in this day and age when no one seems to read). They’ll never realize how happy they make my mornings when I log on to Facebook.

But then there are those who seem to be neglectful. You can’t really call them friends because they don’t act like friends. They don’t answer emails. They don’t return phone calls. They just don’t go out of their way for you in general.

They may give you a random “like” on Facebook, but only after you’ve “liked” something on their page. You support their events, but they never show up at yours. You send them cards for holidays, yet never get one back.

It may feel like you are chasing a person. You may wonder what you’ve  done wrong. Why is everything else so important in their lives than answering a quick email?

If someone doesn’t tend to their friendship, it’s a way of saying, “I don’t care.” People prioritize their jobs, their families, and their children, and put friendships on the low priority list. Or maybe just YOUR friendship because they seem to get along wonderfully with other people.

How many times do you continue to reach out or overlook? Do you bring it to their attention? I wouldn’t. Here’s why …

In the past I did. I’ve noticed a trend that people who are neglectful in friendships have another major flaw … they don’t like hearing that they are neglectful. They get defensive, or worse, downright nasty. Perhaps they were looking for a fight by ignoring you in the first place? That’s not friendship. That’s being manipulating. By making you feel wrong for questioning the friendship and making you feel like you’re needy and expect too much … that’s called gas lighting.

This taught me to take “neglect” as a red flag. If someone isn’t paying attention to you, it’s because they don’t care about you. Friendships are a lot like dating. Read the old classic, “Maybe He Just Isn’t Into You.”

So, do what you have to. Whether it’s friends or even relatives, if friendships are not nurtured, you can’t call them friendships. It’s a team effort and no fun to play by yourself.

Cut ties with those who don’t care. And don’t feel bad about it. Because they sure don’t. (Until you bring it to their attention. Then all hell will break loose).

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Best Evaluator at Toastmasters

Published May 11, 2019 by Maryanne

DSCF3648Maryanne Christiano Mistretta – Best Evaluator, Toastmasters International

It’s been a glorious week in my public speaking journey. Sunday I was honored to present a workshop, “Be Your Own Hero” for Toastmasters District 83. And Thursday night I won for “Best Evaluator.”

I’ve only been a member of Toastmasters since October 2018, and in seven short months I’ve scored the workshop, won for “Best Speaker,” “Best Table Topics,” and “Best Evaluator.” All this for my journey to become a motivational speaker!

Being an evaluator scared me. Who am I to judge someone else’s speech, which they worked so hard to present? The thing is, unlike having a prepared speech, when you’re an evaluator, you have to come up with something to say on the spot! (Kind of like being a judge on American Idol!) I was so terrified to do this, I procrastinated for several weeks, even avoiding going to Toastmasters by going to other events on Thursdays instead, like concerts, book clubs, etc.

When I got up there, I was so nervous, but I channeled my nervous energy into positive energy. Luckily I had the pleasure to evaluate a positive speech, called “Follow Your Dreams.” The speaker was amazing and I was so high on what she said, that I was able to nail my evaluation of her. It was hard finding something to give feedback on because she was so good. But I thought about myself, when I read in front of an audience and realized I could give the same feedback I’ve been given. Not to use filler words.

In the past few months I’ve watched so many amazing motivational speakers on You Tube and Ted Talks and in person. Using filler words like “like,” “so,” and even “um,” seems to be the norm; something we can all be aware of.

Hell, I even caught myself saying “um” during my presentation, but I still won! And the person who evaluated my evaluation offered ZERO critique on my evaluation. He said my evaluation was “perfect.” I also received praise from others in my Toastmaster group that it’s rare that someone wins at a “first.” But I nailed it.

The point of all of this is, don’t worry about being perfect, just get out there and do it! Not everyone will notice your imperfections, or that you are nervous. And maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised by a win — whether it’s your first time doing something, or after many tries!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Be Your Own Hero: Motivational Workshop

Published May 6, 2019 by Maryanne

DSCF3631Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta Presents “Be Your Own Hero” 

I was extremely honored to present my workshop “Be Your Own Hero” for Toastmasters District 83 Spring Conference. It was an excellent turn out and extremely well received.

“Be Your Own Hero” provides tools on how you can be yours using Law of Attraction, faith, and not repeating mistakes you made in the past. There’s interaction, sharing, an exercise in creative manifestation, and a Q&A. To book this presentation, contact Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com

DSCF3641

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Know Your Worth

Published March 24, 2019 by Maryanne

DSCF3485Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

#sundayblessings So blessed to have created a life I most love — wife, author/writer, speaker, creator, self-employed, cat mommy  🙏

In my last blog I wrote about how the world views artists, creators, writers, poets, musicians. If you’re not super famous, people falsely assume you’re not doing too well, which is incorrect.

Over the past 20+ years as I was making a good living as a writer, I’ve seen it all with friends in my creative circles. People will try to low-ball you to get a service. Some may want to barter (something I will do with good friends, but not with a client). But the worst of all is when another who is also in a creative field will try to downplay your success in order to make himself or herself look “better.”

That’s really sad.

First, since we’re all in the same game of life, we should elevate each other. That is why we are put here on Earth. When the love vibration is the biggest vibration you can offer, it’s absolutely amazing what comes out of it.

I’ve been so blessed these past 20+ years to rub elbows with other creatives in my journey. The ones I remember most, and keep in my inner circle are those who have been incredibly supportive. Those who don’t feel that complimenting me on my talents makes them question their own.

You see, knowing your worth is not an ego thing. It’s a thing of confidence. When you are at a point in your career, knowing that you get the job done–and done right, you are able to charge as much as you want for a blog, for a painting, for a class…whatever.

You stick to your price.

And that said, stick to your confidence too. Don’t let anyone low-ball your talent, or your confidence. Know your worth.

If you work for yourself in a creative field, or any field, I’m sure you may have heard the following snarky, or perhaps ignorant comments from people who don’t get it:

“Self employed…that’s hard.”

“I feel better having a real job.”

“What you do is a labor of love.”

Working for yourself, yes, it can be hard. Even if you’re a famous rock star there are lulls in your career. Sometimes I tell myself I’ve had more comebacks than Cher.

But guess what? I am DOING IT. And I have been doing it. Writing professionally since 1995. And speaking professionally since 2014. It is a REAL JOB and I make a good living.

More important, I am happy.

By now, I’m well past the point of caring what others think of me or trying to impress people. I’ve been waking up every morning with a smile on myself, since 1995, saying to myself, “I’m a writer.”

If I dropped dead over 20 years ago, my life was already complete. It just gets better and better over the years. Every few months something great happens that I would have never imagined.

What others think of me doesn’t count, because I know my worth.

I believe in myself and I feel truly blessed.

And unstoppable.

Don’t let anyone stop you either!

Fellow creatives, share your stories below!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta 

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

“On the Guest List” by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

“On the Guest List” is available directly from my publisher, Next Century! To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X

“Love Cats” by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

“Love Cats” is now available on Amazon! For paperback, go here:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1681020513 and for Kindle, go here:http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YBGVJQS/

 “The Gypsy Smiled” by Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

“The Gypsy Smiled” is now available Amazon! For paperback go here: https://www.amazon.com/Gypsy-Smiled-Maryanne-Christiano-Mistretta/dp/1545447470

And for Kindle, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Gypsy-Smiled-Maryanne-Christiano-Mistretta-ebook/dp/B074VC7MT9

 

 

Gaslighting: Sneaky Emotional Abuse

Published March 17, 2019 by Maryanne

high-blood-pressureDon’t Let Them High-Blood Pressure You! 

Hello Happy Person!

Everything in your life is so right!

Maybe you just met the love of your life. Or you got a promotion at work. Or, I know, you just adopted the cutest little kitten. LUCKY YOU!

Then BANG! Some psycho comes along to try and steal your joy. Most likely it will be a jealous relative, or maybe a former so-called friend or ex coming back to haunt you after you made it very clear you don’t want that person in your life.

This happened to me a few days ago. Oh, I was in such a great place! As a writer, I was high on the fact that I’m half-way through helping an all-time favorite client write his book. And the fact that I have a new client. My writing and blogging with the new client may lead to more speaking engagements. I also joined a new spiritually aware group that had me especially stoked. AND, I just started healing after the loss of my cat. Boy, was I on Cloud 9!

Then out of the blue, I noticed an email in the box of my business page. It was from a former so-called friend who was reaching out. He said he wanted to “apologize.”

Five years ago, this so-called friend and I had a huge argument via emails. It got ugly. I couldn’t figure out what I did that triggered his anger to the point of no return. And check this out …He stooped so low to insult my deceased grandmother. (It was painful to type that…but I need to let people know if they are a victim of bat shit crazy, they are not alone).

So, five years later…

I’m a positive, look on the bright side kind of person, so I returned his email, with caution. I simply wrote something positive, accentuating this person’s good points, but equally illustrating my frustrations with his judgement five years ago (in a compassionate manner, not at all insulting). It was reasonable, I thought.

In his email, five years ago, one of his gripes was that I was bitching at him while he was jobless. I figured he was jealous because my first book was selling pretty well and he got on my case saying that I was over-promoting and “forcing” people to read my books. (I guess in his twisted mind I was holding a gun to heads screaming, “BUY MY BOOK!”) Heh. Not!

So, in this new email, I apologized for what happened back then and wrote, “I’m sure you’re rocking it now!” As well as other encouraging stuff, like I was sorry I let him down because I always admired him.

The punch line?

A returned email with venom! The same exact emotional vomit from five years ago, he was now stirring up again. He quoted word-for-word and also misquoted word-for word the entire fight from five years ago! He tried to make me feel small. Called me negative things and AGAIN brought up my deceased grandmother. (Thanks for reminding me my grandmother is dead, dude! You’re such a charmer!)

Man, it was all pure poison. Actually, the term is “gas lighting.” That’s when someone tries to manipulate you into believing that you are at fault and there is something wrong with you. Nasty people nail the whole gas lighting thing. Cool people don’t do shit like that. Cool people talk their problems out. They don’t attack and make the other party feel like shit — or try to.

I knew in my heart I wasn’t at fault because: A. I didn’t insult him, my email came from a place of love and forgiveness (though he certainly didn’t deserve it). B. When someone is constantly putting you down, it’s on THEM, not you. Sane, nice people don’t deliberately set out to hurt others. Sane, nice people are too busy doing great things for others, being creative, elevating their careers, or just having fun.

When someone is mean and defensive and doesn’t have anything good to say, they are “zero.” Nothing. (I wrote in the past, that it’s okay to fight. You can fight with your friends. You can fight with your significant other. You can fight with clients. But it’s HOW you fight. If you’re just arguing to make a point, and not hurting or insulting each other, chances are, it’s a wonderful relationship and you will make up!)

Anyway, I simply wrote back to the dude, “This is not a good friendship. Please don’t contact me again. Have a super duper fantastic day.”

I ended it with class and dignity.

Did I stew over his negativity? No! In fact, I welcomed it. Yes, that’s right, I WELCOMED IT! I’m of the belief that anything that happens is for good reason. A way to grow. And grow I did! It was a great test from the universe to help me know that I was in control of my brain!

Five years ago when the shit hit the fan, I was sad for weeks. But this go ’round, his gas lighting, and making me feel like I was “wrong” and attacking me like it was all my fault had ZERO effect on me. ZERO!

It only took 10 minutes to get over it! YES!!! JUST 10 MINUTES!

What did I do?

First, I took a deep breath.

A lovely new friend called me.  I told her what happened. She was sweet, listened, gave a few words of encouragement and emailed me a pretty song she wrote.

Her kindness led me to counting my blessings. I thought of all the beautiful friendships I have. In fact, the day after, I had a great lunch with two guys I was friends with since the 1980s! It was all positive, and inspirational.

I took 10 minutes to think about all the successful, happy, cool people I know and do things with on a regular basis.

Then I thought about my beautiful, supportive husband and how blessed I am to have him! (And how he thinks that ex “friend” is a nut case!)

And finally, I found a happy song that was stuck in my head. It’s an old song by Peggy Lee called, “It’s a Good Day” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If82O1e0bow

I put the song on and did a cute dance!

Yes, it’s a good day!

Is someone is trying to gaslight you?

DO NOT LET THEM STEAL YOUR JOY! Re-train your brain. It’s not easy, but once you get the knack of it, it will get easier in time. You owe it to yourself, and the good people in your life not to let the shit heads get you down. Life is short. Cherish the lovely ones around you, and let the crazy ones go.

Share your stories below!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of the memoir “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” which is about her experiences growing up being bullied. She is available for public speaking engagements. Contact her for availability and rates at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com 

Links to the book are here: 

HGBM Store:  https://highergroundbooksandmedia.com/product/i-dont-want-to-be-like-you

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1536446696&sr=8-2&keywords=maryanne+christiano+mistretta

Kindle:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H6H4CY1/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536446756&sr=8-1&keywords=maryanne+christiano+mistretta+kindle 

Her next book, “Be (Extra) Ordinary: Ten Ways to Be Your Own Hero” will be out October 2019. Pre-order your copy today! https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

 

Pronoia: Everything Happens For You

Published March 14, 2019 by Maryanne

Katy Perry Shoes with Spools

When the universe works in your favor, by way of a cute pair of Katy Perry shoes! 

There’s a term called “pronoia.” It’s the opposite of paranoia. The gist is, instead of being paranoid that the world is against you, believe that the world is for you. Anything that happens in your life, even what seems to be seemingly “bad” is in your favor. It’s a big step up from the belief of everything happening for a reason.

Life has proven it time and time again.

How many people have been dumped only to meet the love of their life shortly afterwards? I know I have!

How many people have lost a job or a client, then the very next one that comes along not only pays much more, but is something you really love, like perhaps a dream job? Me too!

Were you ever on line for an event, and someone pushed in front of you, then YOU were the winner of a door prize? Yes, it happened to me too!

Now, while those are all great things that can happen for you, sometimes it can happen with little things too. Like a pair of shoes. See those shoes pictured above? They are in my collection. About a year and a half ago I started collecting Katy Perry shoes and boots. I just love her line because not only are her shoes different, they are comfy!

I recently decided to treat myself to another pair. Something practical this time. Winter in NJ is coming to an end, but I could use a new pair of ankle booties. At least until it gets warm enough to go without socks and transition to open-toe heels and ballerina flats.

Today was the day my cute new ankle booties were to arrive.

They never came.

I checked the order status and it said “canceled.”

WHAT?!

Instead of getting pissed, I took a deep breath and calmly called their Customer Service. And I asked, “Why?”

Turns out, the booties I wanted were OUT OF STOCK.

Out of stock. And then, instead of being mad and disappointed, I asked myself, Where is the pronoia here? How is the universe working in my favor? 

I simply went back on the website to look for another pair of black booties. And guess what? I found a pair that was even cuter than the first! I mean, these boots really spoke to me! How did I not see them the first time around?! I ordered them immediately.

If that’s not the universe working in my favor, I don’t know what is! And, hey, I just checked my order, and it’s in progress. I think that means they are packing them as we speak!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of the memoir “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” which is about her experiences growing up being bullied. She is available for public speaking engagements. Contact her for availability and rates at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com 

Links to the book are here: 

HGBM Store:  https://highergroundbooksandmedia.com/product/i-dont-want-to-be-like-you

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1536446696&sr=8-2&keywords=maryanne+christiano+mistretta

Kindle:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H6H4CY1/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536446756&sr=8-1&keywords=maryanne+christiano+mistretta+kindle 

Her next book, “Be (Extra) Ordinary: Ten Ways to Be Your Own Hero” will be out October 2019. Pre-order your copy today! https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/