People do not believe me when I tell them, I do not use a phone–a “Smart” phone that is. I have four landlines in my house, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, one in my home office, and one upstairs in my Zen Den which used to be my office. AND, there is a senior cell phone in my purse, just in case of an emergency. Though I am guilty of forgetting to recharge it.
I do not want a “Smart” Phone. I’ve explained myself countless times and that shouldn’t be. It’s obvious the thing is obnoxious. I once had a friend who insisted on taking her Smart phone out, during dinner, at MY birthday party. She couldn’t control herself. It was her drug. She insisted on showing everyone at the dinner table a cute selfie she took of herself. These things turn nice people into egomaniacs. People are chained to them as if they were a life preserver. For what? To let everyone know what you are doing, every living second of your life? To update your Instagram page to show everyone your food, your cute outfits, and your positive quotes that you didn’t write. It’s all annoying bullshit.
About 10 years ago, Annabella Lwin, the singer of the original 1980s band Bow Wow Wow performed in my town. I was ecstatic. My husband and I scored a spot right in front of the stage. She even came to me and danced with me. It was an amazing show. There was a woman next to us, ON HER PHONE, missing out on this over-the-top experience. Well, guess what? Annabella Lwin called her out on it! She said, “There are people way in the back, rocking out, wishing they were where you are right now. Put the phone away and enjoy life.”
People miss out on so much by being possessed with phones. Namely my friendship because I have no tolerance for this texting tomfoolery. If you can’t be a true friend and give me a real phone call (or RETURN my phone call), I can’t be bothered. Texting is so weird and cold. And dumb. I never liked small talk. I didn’t like it when I was young and cute and guys would try to hit on me while I was commuting on the train to NYC for work. I’m now 58 and I still do not think it’s cute. Give me a deep, in depth conversation that makes me THINK. Or make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. You can’t get this kind of heartfelt exchange from a text. I speak with my eyes — not with my thumbs.
Sadly, whether it’s due to the pandemic or because some “GENIUS” thought it was a good idea, concert venues are tossing out the old ticket system. Instead you can only enter by having a security guard scan a bar code that is your “ticket.” I think this is dumb for many reasons. WHY would anyone take their phone to a concert? Oh, because they want to record it. Then stay the hell home and watch it on You Tube – I don’t need to see your flashing phone during the performance. Or because they want to take selfies during the show. Uh, see what I wrote about Annabella Lwin. Performers do not respect those who take pictures during the show. JUST WATCH THE DAMN SHOW! But, no, people insist on being assholes. Do they not think someone can steal their phone? In a crowd of thousands, anything is possible. Why not be safe and leave your phone at home. No, these rocket scientists didn’t consider that. Now bar codes trump tickets.
So, in order to go see one of my favorites, Billie Eilish, in a few days. I have to CAVE IN and get a “Smart” phone. I won’t have a paper ticket, not even as a memory for my scrap book. It’s all about a bar code.
I guess the “Smart” phone industry won the battle, but they have not won the war. I’m using this phone ONLY to get into the concert. None of my friends will be texting me because I’m not giving out my number. I’m not taking pictures with it because nothing compares to taking photos with a REAL camera. I’m sorry, I do not like the over shadowy photos, produced by phones, that make me look 10 years older than I really am. And my clients won’t know I have one either. I’m not telling them.
Just like my senior cell, this “Smart” phone will be floating around somewhere in my big ‘ol bag. I will forget to recharge it. I will forget it’s even there. It will be useless to me except for concerts.
Screw you, “Smart” phone! My friends and family deserve more. Phone calls, surprise cards in the mail, and even emails from a REAL computer. Just because you exist, it doesn’t mean you exist in my world. You will never have top billing in my life — NEVER!!!
Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
She is the author of the following books:
“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary
“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You
Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/
Maryanne is also available for book editing and coaching. Rates are competitive.
And for positive messages, visit Be YOUnique, the Anti-Bullying You Tube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLq6J9MSvcjd-haQ30ycLWA/videos