Bloganuary Challenge – Day 22 – What is Your Favorite Quote and Why?

I have enemies. A ton of them.

Maybe “enemy” is a strong word, but let’s just say there are many people who dislike me. And I know exactly why they don’t like me and I refuse to change.

First, let’s back up a bit. I’m not a victim being too hard on myself or imagining things. I know my good qualities. I’m a fantastic person because of these high-quality traits:

1. I am not a jealous person. I’ll be the first to give a compliment and cheer a friend on for his/her successes. I’m the one who notices things like a new piece of jewelry, a great haircut, and when someone is glowing. If someone is in love–I pick up on it!
2. I show up on time. I don’t like making people wait for me. Who the hell am I?
3. I go to everyone’s events. Is your band playing tonight? Are you a featured artist in a gallery? Count me in to support you!
4. I’ll do something I don’t like just to accompany someone so they don’t have to go alone. For example, if a friend has tickets to a concert and no one else wants to go, I’ll go whether I like the band or not. Just to have a new experience and make someone happy means so much to me.
5. I return phone calls and emails in a timely manner.

And now for my “worst” quality, which I don’t see as a bad one, but others do. I actually wish more people had this “bad” quality because it’s an honest one. Although in this day and age we’re living in a world of wusses. People can’t take anything that rocks their boat.

My worst quality is that I call people on their bullshit. No, that doesn’t mean telling someone they are fat. Or they look old in that hairstyle. Or that their laugh is like nails on a chalkboard. I’m not that person, even though people have said cruel things like that to me.

My gig is more about calling out people when they are not too nice of a friend. Like if someone asks a question that crosses the line and is way too personal, I’ll let them know. If a friendship isn’t what it used to be, I’ll ask someone if I did something wrong; how can I fix it? And if someone ignores a heartfelt email where I bared my soul, I will ask, why do you feel it’s unimportant not to respond? For example, someone dies, and you share. Why would someone not call you IMMEDIATELY and ask, “How can I help?” If your not holding up to your end of the friendship, I’m going to let you know.

This type of honesty jars people. It pushes them out of their comfort zone. I’ve always felt that we can only grow as people if we learn about each other. And part of that learning process is to discuss things, especially if they are bothersome. Too many people are quick to throw away friendships because they consider talking/discussing “drama.”

We live in a world where people are no longer reading. They’re scrolling on their phones looking at photos, like zombies. No one can effectively communicate anymore.

But if friends can’t have a proper discussion, is it really a friendship? I don’t think so.

The good news is, There will always be other friendships–and people in general. Keep trying until you find your tribe. Whether it’s friends, or romantic relationships, or even the right dentist, with billions of people in the world, there’s no reason to settle for an unsatisfying friendship, or unsatisfying service, or unsatisfying anything. Keep being you! Because YOU stood up for something in your life–and that’s a good thing!

[Insert heart emoji here].

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Maryanne is also available for book editing. Rates are competitive.

Best Lesson of 2012

Me, in my 30s

“It’s better to walk a lonely path than be in the company of a fool.” — Buddha

In the past, I’ve been such a sucker when it comes to friendships. I’ve  hung on to debilitating friendships. I’ve been known to be too nice, give in too much and be too forgiving. I’ve let people who have hurt me in the past back into my life, only to wind up getting hurt over and over again.

But 2012, I’ve learned to  put a stop to all that.

My days are so much happier because I’ve been practicing (and succeeding) a very important lesson:

WHEN TO LET GO!

To me, these are the top three reasons to let go of a friendship:

1. When it’s exhausting. When friendships are too trying because a certain friend is too selfish or too self-centered or jealous; when you are getting tight pains in the chest just thinking of the drama a certain person causes in your life, it’s time to let go. When you are no longer excited about seeing that person and more worried about how your health will fare because he/she is too exhausting.

REMEMBER — YOUR HEALTH SHOULD COME FIRST!

2. When a person resorts to insults or digs. When a friend uses put downs during a disagreement (or worse, just in general!) Friends should never hurt each other verbally. You can agree to disagree, or avoid topics you disagree on, or just let something go. There is no reason to resort to put downs or name calling. We are not children and if you can’t have an adult friendship, it’s not worth it.

It also sucks when a person has to throw in a wise crack or dig to make him or herself feel better. I’ve felt myself falling prey to their jerkiness only to try even harder to get this person to like me more. This is not a healthy friendship and needs to be let go of. It’s devastating to feel you have to try to win someone’s approval.

A real friend will accept you as you are and be supportive of who you are, not belittle you!

YOU ARE SPECIAL — DON’T LET ANYONE TAKE THAT FROM YOU!

3. When someone isn’t there for you. When one person is always calling the other one it really sucks. Friendships are give and take. If you feel like you are doing all the calling, all the emailing  and always making suggestions to get together, just let it go, this person is obviously not that into you. Move on to someone better, who can share your successes and be there if you need a shoulder to cry on! A former friend of mine always seemed to disappear whenever something really good was happening in my life because she was jealous of me. My husband picked up on this, but I gave her chance after chance after chance. But mind you, if someone is jealous, unless she/he gets counseling, there will never be a true friendship. Jealousy is an ugly disease and a jealous person does not make for a good friend.

All this said, my life is now filled with amazing people — 2012 was the BEST year for friendships!

Whenever you are brave enough to let go of something that is not a positive in your life, the universe opens up so many doors for either new good things, or more good from the old!

Since I dropped a few negative people from my life (some in horrible, ugly ways because I just could not stand it anymore and not only had to close the door, but SLAM it shut; and others in a more subtle drifting apart kinda way — mainly because I feared the psycho drama that would occur if I confronted a certain person).

It’s such a relief to let go. There is no need for friendships that are ego-driven or happening because a certain person calls you only when he or she is lonely and has nothing better to do. Or if a person makes it known that he or she is so BUSY and you are resorted to feeling like an obligation!

There may be another reason to let go that isn’t so drastic. Perhaps you and a friend are just going in different directions for a brief period. If there is no exchange of bad words and if you really like a person and know that that person really likes you too, the separation period may be brief and he or she will return to your life when the time is right. In these situations it’s not really letting go, but perhaps merely going with the flow, like the tide of the ocean. And that is a good thing!

The final result of letting go is a beautiful inner peace,

Knowing that ALL the people who remain in your life really care about you and love you.

Thank you to God and the Universe for giving me the tools to make the right decisions when it comes to friendships. And thank you for bringing all these amazing people into my life that I can truly call friends!

Thank you to all my friends for loving me and caring about me!

Know how very important and precious you are to me!

I love you!