relationships

All posts tagged relationships

Be Your Own Hero: Motivational Workshop

Published May 6, 2019 by Maryanne

DSCF3631Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta Presents “Be Your Own Hero” 

I was extremely honored to present my workshop “Be Your Own Hero” for Toastmasters District 83 Spring Conference. It was an excellent turn out and extremely well received.

“Be Your Own Hero” provides tools on how you can be yours using Law of Attraction, faith, and not repeating mistakes you made in the past. There’s interaction, sharing, an exercise in creative manifestation, and a Q&A. To book this presentation, contact Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com

DSCF3641

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Anti-Bullying Book Club!

Published April 7, 2019 by Maryanne

IMG_20190406_172624_591 (1)Say “yes” to acai bowls and “no” to bullying! (Photo by Sara Liptack)

I was so honored to be a part of an anti-bulling club this weekend!

Sara Liptack of the Little Free Library, Westfield, New Jersey, invited me to her home to discuss my book, “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” with young readers in the Westfield neighborhood.

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is about my experiences growing up in the 1970s and dealing with bullying throughout grade school and high school. The girls had a few weeks to read the book, but they all said they finished it in one or two sittings.

It was refreshing to be in the company of such inspirational young ladies who are all anti-bullying advocates and have dreams for a bright future.

What I’ve learned, unfortunately, is that when it comes to peer pressure and bullying, not much has changed in the last 40 years; especially now with the internet.

The good news is, the four girls I’ve spoken with were confident to be themselves and truly have it together when it comes to standing apart from the crowd, going after their dreams, and not worrying what others think of them.

One commented, “I can’t wait to go to college. I’m going to learn so much!”

I asked the girls what part of the book they liked best. Most agreed they liked the whole book, in general, and that it was a quick read. One young lady said her favorite part was when I started fighting back.

In a comfortable, private setting, everyone, including the adults Sara and myself, shared their experiences with bullying and how they handled it. It was an awesome event and a great learning experience.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Giving Goals

Published January 19, 2019 by Maryanne

baby and mommyPhoto by Mistretta

People have been busy writing down their goals for 2019, which is great. Then it dawned on me, it would be awesome to have giving goals as well.

There are three ways to give: money, time, and sharing (in other words, being vulnerable). Below are ways to up the ante for all of them!

  1. Money. Even if you’re on a strict budget, money is the easiest way to give. You can put a dollar in a veteran’s can and get a free poppy. For some, it’s the best we can do, but I think in our hearts we always want to do more. In my younger days I know I did. When the basket went around in church and I was only able to spare a few dollars, I secretly longed for the day I could throw in a $20 bill or more. Then that day happened! My next goal was for the Go Fund Me pages. I wanted to give more than $50. And that happened too. As we earn more, we can focus more on giving to others. It’s great to share!
  2. Time. Time is a very precious thing to give someone because life is short. You hear so many stories about children who have had successful parents that were never around. This is a lesson to balance your time so you can be more giving to people you love. While being spontaneous is wonderful, it’s also important to balance your day so you can be able to balance your time. Since I work for myself, at home, I have the luxury of making my own hours. That said, there’s a time I plan to shut down and devote to my husband and cats. Of course I also like to donate my time to good causes, and fun stuff. But always remember, to take time for yourself because if you’re not healthy and happy, you won’t be able to make others happy. Then when you feel optimal, you can give time in so many ways–volunteering, listening, offering your help, surprising someone by doing something nice unexpectedly. The list goes on and on! With little money to spare, you can always be creative with your time. Or even if you have a lot of money, perhaps someone would appreciate your time more? It’s something to think about.
  3. Sharing/Being Vulnerable. Sharing and being vulnerable is the biggest and best way to give, in my humble opinion. Time and money are the easy way out because ego isn’t involved. But when you take the time to pour your heart out to someone who desperately needs to know he or she is not alone, that is GOLD! Many people are afraid to share because of their ego. They want to put on a facade that they are perfect. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, the most inspiring people are the ones who are so free and open about sharing. They have truly made the world a better place. By “sharing” I don’t mean venting. I mean digging deep inside, no longer feeling the shame, and going with your heart and gut that by sharing something bad that happened to you, you are going to make another person feel not so alone! How great is that?! It takes a strong person to say, “Screw it, I’m going to try to help someone else. I don’t care if I am judged!” Anyone who has gone that route should be super proud of themselves. Put aside any shame you are feeling, because it’s not your fault that something bad happened to you if some loser took advantage of you. Because it’s a horrible person who should feel the shame–not YOU! So if you want to be a better friend, or a better person in general, make a point to get vulnerable. It’s the greatest way to give! You never know who you may help!

What do you think? What are your giving goals for 2019?

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is a motivational speaker and the author of “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” which addresses her experiences with being bullied. You can order the book from Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Her next book “BeExtraordinary” will be published in October 2019 by KiCam. To pre-order or visit the landing page, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

To book Maryanne for a speaking engagement, contact her at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com

Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero

Published January 9, 2019 by Maryanne

kicam cover

I am ecstatic to reveal the cover, and the landing page of my upcoming book Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways To Become Your Own Hero, published by KiCam!

Release date is October 2019, and you can order yours today here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is an international author and speaker. She is available for events. For availability and pricing, contact: maryannechristiano@gmail.com 

She is also a professional blogger, book editor and ghost writer. Contact today for rates: maryannechristiano@gmail.com 

When People Really Like Each Other, They Stay in Touch

Published November 23, 2014 by Maryanne

maryanne-0812Call a friend, keep in touch!

I feel like I’m a fantastic friend because people never have to second-guess how I feel about them. I always tell my friends I love them. I make dates to see people. I call them. I email them. I let them know when I have dreams about them. In other words, I make my friends feel loved. And if I say something stupid (it happens to the best of us, dumb things just roll off our tongues) I do everything in my power to apologize to someone so they don’t feel bad.

When it comes to loved ones, I’m not of the mindset, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” but rather “out of sight, out of mind.” Why? Because if someone says they are “too busy” for you, I don’t believe them. No one is THAT busy to not pick up the phone or type an email. Even if you type with one finger, it doesn’t take that long to send an email that says, “I miss you.”

So if someone is “too busy” for me, I’m not interested in them either. It’s like the single girl who is waiting for a guy to call her. If he was really interested, he would.

If you significant other went on a business trip for several months, would it be acceptable to not hear from him/her during that time away? Of course not! So why should be expect anything less from our friends? A true friendship should not be taken for granted.

There are exceptions of course. My husband and I have friends we only see maybe once or twice a year but when we do, they make us feel like royalty and there is never a doubt in our minds that these friends love us dearly. And of course, we love them too. We know that when we see these friends it’s always a good time. We can drop in on them unexpectedly. They can call us and leave funny, lengthy messages. It’s just a given … a friendship you can depend on.

In order to get to that point though, there has to be history. A history of shared good times and bad times that builds up to a solid ground. If you have an on-again-off-again friendship since high school or are just coming into a new friendship, time together is pertinent, otherwise you stay in “acquaintance limbo” and you’re always second guessing the friendship: Did I say something wrong? Am I not fun to be around?

Now I’m not talking about being on the phone three hours a night like you’re a teenager or spending every free moment together. I’m just saying that making a lunch date every other month or so … or picking up the phone once in awhile just to let someone know you’re alive and still thinking of them.

And of course that will come naturally — not forced — if you’re really connecting with someone. There’s beautiful magic in a great connection where you feel safe. It’s the greatest feeling in the world when you can be yourself in front of someone without being judged. When you can get excited over each others happiness, laugh, exchange ideas, share, etc. When you leave someone feeling like you can’t wait to see them again! That’s what makes the difference between a friend and an acquaintance 🙂

So why choose “acquaintance” when “friend” feels so much better? 🙂

 

 

Head Over Heels Love Exists – And Lasts! (So Don’t Settle!)

Published July 11, 2013 by Maryanne

love-retro_00413641

It always breaks my heart when I read articles that try to steer people away from head over heels type love, saying it won’t last or that you’ll only set yourself up for disappointment, that emotional love isn’t good, blah, blah, blah …

Even some of my friends have tried to fall in love with someone they aren’t that attracted to or have seen as just a friend and figured they’d try it because “he’s a nice guy.”

No. Don’t go there. It won’t work.

Take it from me, happily married almost two years to a guy I’ve been with almost eight, and crushed on when I was a teenager. I was head over heels from our first official date and still am. The good news is, so is he!

To me, I’ve always believed in intense chemistry. I feel that God puts that chemistry there for a reason. If you’re not feeling the rockets, don’t go there as you’ll only set yourself up for future disappointment as one or the other will find excuses to get out. If you’re not feeling the rockets, it’s God’s way of saying he/she isn’t the right one.

Not only am I super attracted to my husband, he’s a great guy too. When I think of “best friend” he is it. Eight years into this relationship and I’m still seeing stars and fireworks. He still surprises me with gifts, is supportive of my career, does great things around the home … and best of all, stops me from doing whatever I’m doing so we can take a minute or two for a slow dance!

This is what love is and how life should be lived.

So, please, ladies (and guys), no matter how old you are or what you’ve been through in life, do not follow the advice of having to settle. You CAN find someone you think is super attractive (who feels the same way about you), adores you, can be your best friend, and love will continue to grow as you age, not fizzle.

If it wasn’t for my husband, trust me, I’d be ALONE and happy at that. I would never waste my time with anyone if I wasn’t head over heels (and if he didn’t feel the same way as I did).

And just as head over heels love exists, so does equality. When I took sex education in high school the teacher said in all relationships there is one partner that seems more caring than the other. I will say, that is not true! In a good, genuine, true love relationship, it can and will be definitely be EQUAL! No tits for tats. It will be THAT close.

Old fashioned, over the top love is still in vogue!

Which reminds me of this great song by Japan, from the 1980s, telling us that love is in vogue, while the couple in the song sets themselves up for heartbreak. Reminds me of people who try to make it work when it ain’t working. Don’t let that be you, because it CAN work! Find the person to make it work with. Don’t waste time when it’s not happening. But worse of all — don’t settle!

 

 

 

Always Musicians

Published March 2, 2013 by Maryanne

ian-mitchell-bay-city-rollerIan Mitchell of Bay City Rollers (photo swiped from Google search)

Last night my husband and I were talking about our childhood crushes and he asked me if I ever had a crush on a television star or if it was always musicians.

It was always musicians.

A late bloomer, I didn’t have my first real crush until I was about 11- or 12-years-old and it was on Ian Mitchell of The Bay City Rollers. He was just the cutest thing and I started buying all the 1970s Tiger Beats and 16 magazines just to have a lot of pictures of him. Ian Mitchell wasn’t an original Roller as he was first featured on their “Dedication” album.

Shortly after that musician crush, I moved on to Freddie Mercury of Queen. A classmate said that I “go from one extreme to the other.”

Freddie MercuryFreddie Mercury

My crush on Freddie Mercury lasted at least two years from ages 12 to 14. Again, I went crazy with the magazines, but Freddie Mercury wasn’t in 16 and Tiger Beat, I had to move on to Creem, Circus and Hit Parader. Soon all the pictures of Ian on my wall were replaced with Freddie Mercury pictures and posters. I got all the Queen albums and stole my mom’s vitamins, thinking they would help me stay awake to watch Queen on Don Kirschner’s Rock Concert, which came on at 1 a.m. on Saturday night.

I still have my year book album and the entry a friend wrote, “I hope you marry Freddie Mercury someday.”

Crushes on musicians soon became a reality because from my first boyfriend onward it was always musicians. And if someone I was interested in wasn’t a musician he  had to at least have a record collection bigger than mine or the relationship was doomed by me being bored with him.

Music is my favorite thing in the world and there is just something so special about a person with musical talent. Maybe subconsciously because I fail in this area, having no rhythm or even the desire to pick up an instrument — even after trying so many: guitar, violin, viola, keyboard, singing lessons, the best I can do is sing back-up or write lyrics (at least they are GOOD lyrics!)

I also think, as an independent kind of person, a musician naturally respects that independence. I think a lot of women would agree that it’s annoying if someone counts on you 24/7 to make his life complete. That kind of energy is just undo-able! It’s nice that if you feel you want to read a book or something, your significant other can go off in his studio and practice a song.

Music is such a God-given talent and I’m always impressed by people (both men and women) who can express themselves musically. As much as I love art and reading and even yoga as an art, music will always be my favorite thing in the creative field.

People who gravitate to music whether they have an actual talent, or just a great appreciation as I do (having a huge music collection and an extreme need to hear  live music as often as possible), seem to be the most sensitive, easiest to talk to, most caring, most amazing people. And funny as hell, I might add. (What’s that saying, every musician wishes he could be a comedian?)

There are those who keep up with the Joneses, but I prefer to keep up with the Tom Joneses and the Davy Joneses. So I have a confession to make: if I can’t talk music with someone, I just ain’t interested!

Many years ago when I was very young (early 20s) and super single (as in no prospects at all on the horizon!) one of my young co-workers wanted to fix me up with someone. When she showed me his photo I was impressed. He looked like a young Elvis. And then he was even cuter in person. He was kind and generous, treating our table of six to a wonderful meal. But when I asked him the magic question, “What kind of music do you like?” He said he didn’t know.

What kind of answer was that? I knew we weren’t going to get far and I didn’t even kiss him goodnight. I mean, this guy was a total catch — for another lovely young lady, but not for me.

I need to talk music!

Oh yeah … over the years I’ve dated actors, artists, other writers, but always came back to musicians. It is true, music makes the world go ’round. While most young women dream of a romantic dinner, my favorite dates were always concerts, whether it was in an arena or just seeing a local band in a dive bar. Music is, was and always will be the romantic back-drop to my life. And my soundtracks are endless. Each and every song I know reminds me of a story (or several stories) of my life.

Now I’m not saying that EVERY musician is the cat’s meow. Oh no, definitely not! I’ve dated quite a few “winners” (meaning “losers”) that were musicians. For instance, there was one, no TWO actually, who were such ego maniacs that they got offended if I listened to any music other than THEIRS! (Eww, right?)

And then there was another who was so high on himself he actually said he thanked his mother for being so good-looking. Eww, again!

And then what’s that saying, “What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?” HOMELESS! It is so true that to the stereotype that SOME musicians are moochers, as well as cheaters, and flakes, and stalkers and everything else you’ve heard. But that is true with everyone (male and female alike). You just have to find that jewel in the haystack and then life is super duper good!

So while some relationships with musician were horrific, there were several that I’ll have great memories because they were simply cool and treated me right. It’s all about respect and I’m always happy knowing that even if someone wasn’t “THE ONE” I could still have that mutual respect and enjoy myself for as long as the mutual infatuation lasted. And when I see these dudes in bars or what not, I will always say “Hey, how ya doing?” It’s all good and I always wish them the best.

In spite of all the stereotypes, there are a ton of musicians out there who are hard-working, stable, loving, adoring, loyal and family-oriented. Deep down, I always knew this!

I finally met the musician of my dreams when I hooked up with my husband late 2005. Actually, I knew my husband since I was a teenager, as I used to follow his band Pharoah. And for about six months I was part of their theatrical stage show, but Dennis and I never really had a long conversation, it was more like, “Hey, how are you?” I always thought he was cute though, but neither of us were ever available. I always had a boyfriend and he always had a girlfriend.

In late 2005, Pharoah played a benefit concert for the drummer, Nelson, who lost his wife to cancer. That was the first time Dennis and I actually had a real conversation and a few weeks later we started dating and became inseparable. The sparks just flew!

We married 11/9/11 and are so happy.

Maryanne at Pharoah showMe in front of my husband performing as Dennis Lords in his band, Pharoah

Dennis - Characters 2007Dennis playing with The Characters

One of the coolest things about my husband is that he’s not only a musician but a music fan! He is not intimated or jealous of other musicians, but rather in awe. Together we have the most massive collection of records and CDs.

We always have music playing in our home, both upstairs and downstairs. When we get ready to start our day, we’ll have blues or swing or The Monkees playing downstairs; and upstairs I’ll have the Sex Pistols or Sophie B. Hawkins or HIM.

We always go to live performances, especially in the summer when there are so many free concerts to take advantage of.

Once in a blue moon we’ll create together and write a song. We’re always having fun and being silly. We love taking long rides, listening to the radio and talking about anything and everything.

This is why I’m so happy all the time! My husband makes me complete in so many ways. He’s my go-to person when I’m sad and always there for me through thick and thin.

Parents may encourage their daughters to marry a doctor or a lawyer, but I say to be truly happy, marry a musician!