Rest in Peace Bob Proctor

His teachings helped me wake up in the morning, along with a cup of coffee.

He will certainly be missed by millions.

Bloganuary Challenge – Day 18 – What Book is Next on Your Reading List?

Photo by Christopher Ott

I’m finding it magical that Bloganuary prompts are parallel to what I am experiencing in life. The next book on my reading list–and it will be on my front doorstep TODAY–is “Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Account Right Now” by Jaron Lanier.

I actually closed up my Facebook account a few days ago. I didn’t go as far as “deleting” the account because it has a Memories section, and there are almost 10 years of wonderful memories, in both photographs and words. It also has many links to articles I’ve written (I store the best on Contently, but even the non-epic ones are important to me).

People tell me I’m the one they can depend on for a compliment and that I see the beauty in everyone. It is true. People tell me their most wonderful secrets, like a weekend trip to Paris, because they know I’m not a jealous person and I’ll be happy for them. Seeing all these things on social media — friends/family having success and happiness, learning about gigs/events I want to go to, learning about new bands….The lists of positives is endless.

But then there is a downside. And it’s darker than anyone who isn’t on social media can imagine.

First, let me say, I never wanted to be on Facebook. A high school friend convinced me way back in 2010. Okay, I reconnected with a few old friends, but then didn’t hear from them anymore, even after we met for lunch a few times. It seemed silly to “follow” all these “friends” that you didn’t communicate with anymore. Their head shots on the bottom of my page made me think of deer heads on a wall. No rhyme or reason to it. I deleted the account.

Two years later, I wrote my first book and was encouraged by a client, whose book I was copy editing. She said, “You have to be on Facebook. You can promote your book in a big way.” She was right. My first book made the most money, until my fifth one came along and I received a cash advance to write it–a writer’s dream!

For the next several years, I enjoyed Facebook. Then they started adding more bullshit to the mere “thumb’s up.” Now you could “like” something or you can “LOVE” something by clicking on the heart button at the bottom of each entry. But you can also be angry or sad about something. (This worked well if you spoke about death. Who would give a thumb’s up to death, right?)

But then the “laugh” button. The most annoying of all. People misused it the the extreme. It was great if something was really funny, but it was used more in a condescending way, like if someone disagreed with your political stance. This, to me, was extremely childish. It was now awkward sharing views on the internet. No matter how diplomatic you would be, that ugly laugh button popped up. I’d rather have someone tell me I’m talking through my ass than to ever see that laugh button again!

A few years ago, I unfollowed all news on Facebook (and in general) as it was too depressing. For every feel good story, there were at least 10 bad ones. I did everything to make Facebook enjoyable, because face it, if you’re not on Facebook, you might as well not exist. Friends and family no longer call you for funerals. You have to catch the info in the Facebook feed. That never sat right with me, but when in Rome… So I unfollowed every page that posted negativity. I “hid” friends/family who spoke too much about politics. I only followed spiritual, animal, music, and vegan pages. It “worked” for awhile. I was able to use Facebook as a positive tool.

But then, over the weekend, I was innocently watching a video on The Dodo, via Facebook. The Dodo is a You Tube channel that shows happy stories about animals. Most often a hurt animal is rescued and has a positive ending. Not this time. I happened to see one where a woman was teasing a cat to get it riled up in order to be promoted by The Dodo to jack up “likes” on her Instagram “modeling” career. SHAME ON THE DODO!

This woman made it sound like she was a wonderful cat mom but this cat did not love her. It was a big joke. She teased the cat, put clothes on it (most cats hate that), and put while the cat was riled up, she held it in front of children and the cat took a swipe at them. This was not good news.

This woman had the cat since it was a kitten. For anyone who knows animals/pets–it’s up to YOU, the trainer/owner to make the cat behave. You don’t taunt animals. Good cat owners may take in a new cat or kitten. The kitten or cat may hiss in the beginning, but they come around with REAL LOVE, thoughtful training, and lots of patience. If the cat is still hissing at you, many years later, you are instigating it.

I stand by this. I am a certified feline behaviorist. Do not argue with me. Watch a few Jackson Galaxy videos before commenting. You will see how wonderful an “evil” cat can be. (Evil with quotation marks because cats are not evil, only people are).

So back to The Dodo. I made the mistake of writing to them that video was a fail. Why promote a woman who taunted a poor animal just to get Instagram success? This is not cool and never will be cool. Would it be okay to do this to a child?

While I got almost TEN THOUSAND likes for my comment. I got a backlash from people who hate cats (and animals in general). Nasty, cruel, despicable comments! One after the other after the other.

As a spiritual, happy person who sees the good in (almost)everyone, I was astonished how horrible these “people?” were. I was sick for three days thinking about animal cruelty. Who wanted to drown the cat. Who wanted to strangle it. Who wanted to slap it in the nose like a puppy. And who wanted to poison it with catnip 24/7. Oh, and how clever/funny they thought they were.

One by one I began blocking these people so I wouldn’t ever see there negativity again. When someone trolls on the internet, you shouldn’t engage with them. But the hate comments continued to a point it was impossible to keep up. And I didn’t want to keep up anymore. I was DONE. I just let it go, stopped looking, and said to myself, “You’re fighting with yourselves, I’m no longer on here. You’re your own victim. Your hate is killing you.”

Katy Perry once told a contestant on American Idol not to read negative comments. “It’s poison,” she said. She is right. Sadly, social media brings out the beast in people. And I can’t help but wonder–why? What possesses people to troll? Are they mad because of a failed relationship? Are they drunk? Are they depressed? Are they on drugs? Why are people so cruel on the internet? The answer is, because they can be.

While bad comments are unavoidable, especially for a writer–who hasn’t had a bad review?–you don’t have to put yourself right in the fire. There are other internet places to voice your opinion, like WordPress or Linked In, where the backlash won’t be so insane because it’s a more intellectual environment, for the most part.

So in order to get back to who I am, to my peaceful, zen-like (with a little sass) personality, I needed to get away from Facebook. To make it official, yes, like a flight attendant I announced my departure. I let everyone know because I followed many people I care about and wanted to keep in touch with. Off Facebook.

Three days later and I realize I am missing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

What is your experience with social media? Share your comments below!

I look forward to reading this book, which will reiterate that I made the smartest decision.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: https://eroticbooknetwork.com/product/love-cats/

Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero

I am thrilled to announce that my fifth book, published by KiCam is now available!

For your copy, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing, and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

And check out her anti-bullying You Tube channel, Be YOUnique: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLq6J9MSvcjd-haQ30ycLWA?view_as=subscriber

Friendships Need Attention Too

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta

I’m one of the happiest people on the planet. I married a man I adore, and who adores me. I love my career. And I have amazing friendships.

The friendships I love best are the ones you don’t have to second guess. My best friendships are the ones that make a plan to get together. No “pencil in” plans — real plans that pan out. From lunch dates to afternoon Broadway play dates to double-dates with our significant others to spa days. It’s all good!

Everyone is so busy, including myself. In my case, it’s career. In the cases of others, it’s most likely family. And in some both.

I’m by no means a “needy” person, but like romantic relationships, friendships need attention too. There are my “top” friends I see several times a year — usually to celebrate our birthdays. Those same friends I can call if I need a shoulder to cry on. Then there are other friends I see from time to time. Or call on the phone to chat because we don’t see each other as much. Then there are the friends who I don’t see much, or even talk on the phone too, but they all support me on Facebook (there are quite a few I can count on to press the “like” button if I’m promoting an event or a book). Those friends are the ones who actually take the time to read my blogs and my books! (That’s quite extraordinary in this day and age when no one seems to read). They’ll never realize how happy they make my mornings when I log on to Facebook.

But then there are those who seem to be neglectful. You can’t really call them friends because they don’t act like friends. They don’t answer emails. They don’t return phone calls. They just don’t go out of their way for you in general.

They may give you a random “like” on Facebook, but only after you’ve “liked” something on their page. You support their events, but they never show up at yours. You send them cards for holidays, yet never get one back.

It may feel like you are chasing a person. You may wonder what you’ve  done wrong. Why is everything else so important in their lives than answering a quick email?

If someone doesn’t tend to their friendship, it’s a way of saying, “I don’t care.” People prioritize their jobs, their families, and their children, and put friendships on the low priority list. Or maybe just YOUR friendship because they seem to get along wonderfully with other people.

How many times do you continue to reach out or overlook? Do you bring it to their attention? I wouldn’t. Here’s why …

In the past I did. I’ve noticed a trend that people who are neglectful in friendships have another major flaw … they don’t like hearing that they are neglectful. They get defensive, or worse, downright nasty. Perhaps they were looking for a fight by ignoring you in the first place? That’s not friendship. That’s being manipulating. By making you feel wrong for questioning the friendship and making you feel like you’re needy and expect too much … that’s called gas lighting.

This taught me to take “neglect” as a red flag. If someone isn’t paying attention to you, it’s because they don’t care about you. Friendships are a lot like dating. Read the old classic, “Maybe He Just Isn’t Into You.”

So, do what you have to. Whether it’s friends or even relatives, if friendships are not nurtured, you can’t call them friendships. It’s a team effort and no fun to play by yourself.

Cut ties with those who don’t care. And don’t feel bad about it. Because they sure don’t. (Until you bring it to their attention. Then all hell will break loose).

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Be Your Own Hero: Motivational Workshop

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta Presents “Be Your Own Hero” 

I was extremely honored to present my workshop “Be Your Own Hero” for Toastmasters District 83 Spring Conference. It was an excellent turn out and extremely well received.

“Be Your Own Hero” provides tools on how you can be yours using Law of Attraction, faith, and not repeating mistakes you made in the past. There’s interaction, sharing, an exercise in creative manifestation, and a Q&A. To book this presentation, contact Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for motivational speaking engagements and is the author of the following books: 

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero

I am ecstatic to reveal the cover, and the landing page of my upcoming book Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways To Become Your Own Hero, published by KiCam!

Release date is October 2019, and you can order yours today here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is an international author and speaker. She is available for events. For availability and pricing, contact: maryannechristiano@gmail.com 

She is also a professional blogger, book editor and ghost writer. Contact today for rates: maryannechristiano@gmail.com 

Interview, Rohan Healy, Author: “The 7 Things That Made Me Genuinely & Irreversibly Happy”

I am so happy I had the honor of interviewing Rohan Healy, author of “The 7 Things That Made Me Genuinely & Irreversibly Happy.”

I loved this book so much because I resonated with a lot of it and have been practicing some of the techniques since age 12 (like 26-year-old Rohan who started his quest at age 13). It’s just one of those books that while I was reading, I kept saying, “Yes, definitely!”

Since Rohan lives overseas in Ireland, we did the interview via email. I wish Rohan lots of success with his new book!

Keeping in the “7 Things” spirit, I’ve asked 7 questions!

Maryanne: In how you described your journey of the “7 Things” from ages 13 to 25, you reached the point where it all came together. In a metaphysical sense, this realization may be described as finding the final key to the kingdom. Do you relate it that way?

Rohan: Yeah, although all of the 7 Things are great in their own right, it wasn’t until I put them all together that things really clicked in a long term, meaningful way. It was very much a power rangers type of situation, they need to work together and combine their powers to defeat the big bad guy haha!

The last 2 Things, chronologically speaking, for me were the Somatic Experiencing/Body psychology stuff and sorting out my relationships. Even though I’d had great success with the likes of Stoic philosophy and affirmations in the past, it wasn’t until I had all 7 pumping at once that I was able to shake off issues that I’d carried for many, many years.

And although I continue to study, to learn and seek out the good wisdom the world has to offer, I know that no matter what comes up, one of the 7 things will always get me back on track, and feeling good and happy in no time.

Maryanne: I love how you describe true happiness to that of a child, such as bouncing back quickly from a hard fall and the fact that you say you still cry and get upset. Some time ago I read a book about being happy ALL the time. It never quite sat with me because I think sad emotions can be cleansing. Is that also your take? How would you react if the one person (or pet) you loved more than anything in the world passed away?

Rohan: Oh absolutely. Some people are on a quest for endless bliss, to exist in a state of elated ecstasy as much as possible, but even bliss gets boring if it’s all you have. I don’t think you can call one human emotion “better” than any other, they all serve an equally important role. I define happiness not as living in a constant state of upbeat mania, but rather as being able to easily experience the full range of human emotion without getting stuck in one or another. If I lose a loved one to death I cry and I grieve which is natural and necessary. I also get angry, frustrated, melancholic and scared, but even while I’m in these emotional states I still have an overall understanding that everything is ok, I don’t get swept away by the existential nature of the current state. I know that contentment is my natural state, and that I’ll always be back there soon.

Oh and I don’t need someone to die to cry, I’m a total cry baby, songs, movies and Japanese Animes make me cry all the time haha! It’s physically impossible for me to read Oscar Wilde’s short story The Happy Prince without being reduced to a blubbering, sniffling puddle of tears! Having access to the full range of human emotions while living mostly in a state of contentment, that’s how I define happiness.

Maryanne:  I think it’s incredibly inspiring – not to mention mind blowing — that you figured all this stuff on your own without a college degree or even finishing high school. Do you know what your I.Q. is? Do you believe in I.Q.s?

Rohan: Haha, to be honest I learned more in the first 6 months after leaving high school than I did in the four years I spent there. I took an online I.Q test a few years ago, I think had 127 or 128. I’m not sure how much stock I place in the I.Q. test, I’ve heard a saying that goes “The only thing a high I.Q. proves is that you are good at doing I.Q. tests.” I think it’s a good test for a specific type of intellectual intelligence and pattern recognition, but it doesn’t account for other forms of intelligence like physical intelligence, sexual intelligence or some of the other forms of intelligence like the one’s described in Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences. I can’t take all the credit for my studies and discoveries, I was home schooled when I was young. Both of my parents are very clever and cool and would introduce me to great things. It was my dad who first showed me the Stoic Philosophy for example!

Maryanne: In my own quest for perfect happiness, the closer I’ve come to tapping into it, the less tolerance I have for ugly things in life such as gossip for instance. Over the past 10 years, when I hear gossip, I get horrible pains in my chest and I have to either change the subject or defend the situation with something positive, whereas in the past, gossip never affected me like that before. Would you say someone is on the right track when they get ill from something that is emotionally bad?

Rohan: Very much so. In the past year I’ve felt physically sick when even thinking about telling a lie or keeping a secret from someone important to me. I just can’t do it anymore, I’m incapable of putting up with or playing a part in deceit and deception. I can’t stand gossip or drama either, and a physical reaction is a good sign. I honestly worry for the people who can stand that kind of carry on, or worse still, the type who actually seems to gain satisfaction from drama, gossip, lies and bullying. Thank your bodily intelligence for letting you know that something is wrong, it’s a good sign, not everyone is as empathetic and intuitive!

Maryanne:  I’ve found that the happier I am, I feel strange listening to music that has degrading, condescending lyrics. [NOTE TO READERS: MAJOR EXAMPLE, Marianne Faithful’s “Why’dja Do It” or most Dead Boys songs or listening to Johnny Thunders’ misogynist rants on his live albums].

This is sad because some of my favorite bands from my teenage years are still amazing to me, musically, but I cringe when I hear the words. As a musician, was there any type of music you had to leave behind as you grew happier, or is there a way around it for you so you can still enjoy something you once did? (And if so, please share the secret!)

Rohan: Haha, I know the feeling. For me it’s more things like reality TV, talent shows and even a lot of the Jackass type stuff that I can’t stand anymore. Since becoming happier and more empathetic I can’t watch people hurt themselves or each other, I can’t watch bullying and cruelty, it makes me feel sick, which is the natural reaction to that kind of thing. I also find it much harder now to watch violence in films without any point to it. Since becoming happier I can no longer stand things like the Saw films, or other movies in the “Torture Porn” genre the way I could before. To be honest I can’t think of much music that I would listen to that would have degrading lyrics, as a teenager I listened mainly to punk music in which aggression was only ever aimed at authority and inequality and the rest of the time it was all about personal freedom, being yourself and all that. I don’t listen to punk as much these days but it’s more to do with changing tastes I think.

As you can see though there is plenty that I had to leave behind, thankfully nothing I needed, nor do I miss it, but music was not one of them. If you can still enjoy the music as a guilty pleasure from time to time go for it, but if it’s too hard just see it as a positive that you’ve outgrown it, and be thankful that it was there for you while you were young and while it was fun.

Maryanne: In regard to living in accordance with law of attraction, I pretty much nailed it as I can honestly say I’m happy 90 percent of the time (and my husband confirms this is true of me). But I’ve noticed that, as a woman, during my PMS cycle things start to go in a bit of a helpless, downward cycle for a day or so and I tend to attract less positive things, for example, while driving coming across someone who just ran a red light and me having to slam on my brakes; which would lead to another negative thing and then another. Why would you say these things happen to a healthy, positive person during that time of the month?

Rohan: Well the idea of abundance consciousness is that our attitudes, our opinions and moods determine the vibe we put out, and the vibe we put out determines the kinds of people and opportunities that we attract. So if your mood is being effected by the hormones and natural chemicals associated with the menstrual cycle, it stands to reason that your vibe would be effected and so too would be the things coming into your life. I mean if I go too long without eating I become as grumpy as the next guy, you can’t beat physiology.

Maryanne:  How long did it take you to write your book? What is next for you?

Rohan: I began writing The 7 Things in October 2012, so I guess around 3 months from beginning to end. I took a very casual approach early on though, I’d say 60 percent of the book was actually written in the last month. The next thing I’ll be releasing is a picture book written by my dad with illustrations by my mum which I’ll be publishing before the end of January. The book is a collection of sayings in line with non-dualism philosophy. It’s (tentatively) called “The Sayings of Potato Mashi”. He’s a self-realized, non- dualist potato, it’s pretty darn cool haha. The sayings are great and so are the pictures so hopefully it will do well. After that I have two more books in mind that I’d like to write this year before heading to the South of France late in 2013, the first on sex and sexuality and the other on music production.

Maryanne: Thanks so much for taking the time to do this interview. Lots of luck to you!

Rohan: Thanks for the interview Maryanne, I’m really glad you enjoyed the book! All the best.

***

To purchase Rohan’s book: http://rohan7things.wordpress.com/my-books-for-sale/

For more information on Rohan, check out the following (especially the music, which I really love!)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rohan-music-page/198079576926823
Twitter: https://twitter.com/rohanforsale
Blog: http://rohan7things.wordpress.com/
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/rohanmusic

Rohan Healy