Only Creeps Say “karen”

Photo by Robert Zunikoff, courtesy of Unsplash

If you Google what the slang term “karen” means, there’s just so much about it and so many ways to analyze it, and misuse what it originally meant. In a nutshell, nowadays, it’s any middle-aged white woman who complains to a manager because she feels entitled. We’ve gotten to that point where the term is so misused (like the words “narcissism” and “literally”) it’s derogatorily tossed at ANY woman who complains.  It’s a stupid word that translates to “Shut the fuck up — WOMAN!” It is downright nasty — and creepy! And merely another way loser men try to belittle women; taking us back to the 1800s. Way to go, assholes!

I get it, you think you’re such a big deal sticking up for a worker who doesn’t do his/her job right? Well, let me ask you, why should a person who works in service be cuddled like a little lamb? If you are hired to do a job of service your job is to do it with a smile on your face. Don’t take your shit out on customers!

This is where society has gone wrong — big time. Long gone is the saying, “The customer is always right.” We’re living in times where it’s frustrating to even call on a manager because no one has the balls to train their employees correctly. People of service can do whatever the hell they want — and get away with it. They will lie and so will the manager in order to not look bad. No one wants to man up and be responsible for screwing up.

That is bad news. You can’t even say it’s “bad business” because no one cares. From the largest corporation down to small businesses, everyone has to be right. All. The. Time.

And you have the self-righteous stander-bys  chiming in, “Calm down KAREN” which makes the situation no better. Doing that makes you a BULLY! Why don’t YOU calm down and mind your own business? No, man’s gotta be a “hero” — but the “hero” has it all wrong. Making someone feel small just because she spoke up for herself makes you a ZERO! And a CREEP!  In fact, anyone who jumps on the “karen” bandwagon is a CREEP and here’s why:

• Mentally stable people don’t call names. If there’s a problem, they talk to each other like adults.
• Mentally stable people don’t randomly attack others. They mind their own business.
• Good service is a part of the job. A worker is representing a company. When you go to an establishment, you deserve good service. No one should be called names for calling a manager if service is not up to par. In fact, going to management will help the establishment develop and grow. You learn from mistakes, so put on your big boy pants and LEARN!
• Using a sexist/ageist term in general means you are a loser. Sexism and ageism is a thing. Educate yourself.
• Women should not be silenced. Simple as that.

So, you have a choice. Do you want to continue acting like a big baby and calling others names? Or do you want to up your game and learn that it’s not cool to judge people?

And, to the ladies, I say, continue to stick up for yourself if you’re being treated poorly. Don’t let men try to silence and shame you by name-calling. They are fools. You know who you are!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. In addition to Love Cats, she is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit:Be (Extra)Ordinary

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: I Don’t Want To Be Like You

Her fiction book “Love Cats” second printing is now available, under the pen name Krystianna Mercury, from Pink Flamingo. You can purchase it here: Love Cats

Visit Maryanne’s You Tube Channel here: Be YOUnique

 

When to Fire Your Chiropractor (or Acupuncturist)

I’ve been been a fan of both chiropractic care and acupuncture for many years. I alternate between both. Chiro is great because you’re basically in and out. Acupuncture is nice if you like to relax. Since I started using both treatments, I went through many doctors.

Finding a good doctor is like finding a good hairstylist; it takes time. And sometimes you outgrow each other. There is nothing wrong with that. I believe that as a customer, you should be satisfied. Aside from someone not doing a satisfying job, there are other reasons you may want to consider finding someone else. Here’s a few….

1. He/she is too popular. This should be a good thing, right? Not necessarily. I used to go to someone I really liked. And everyone else liked her too. Whenever I went for a treatment, I’d be waiting at least 15 minutes, sometimes 20. To me, this isn’t cool. Also, the place became to run like an assembly line — in, wait, needles, out; while you could hear full conversations going on in the room next to you. What was once a relaxing spiritual experience with new age music, and a sweet recovery turned into a rush job and not feeling as healed as I remembered. Then one time as she was treating me, and part of my clothing was off, she opened the door to talk to someone. I found this to be rude — and the last straw. I stopped going to her. There were way too many people in the office at one time and I felt more like a number than a patient.
2. He/she talks too much. This should be a red flag from the get go. When COVID19 lock-down began, I took it upon myself to try to get a long-time kink in my arm fixed. I tried someone who shared a space with another chiropractor I once used. From the first treatment it was constant chatter from her. Talking about things SHE wanted to talk about. Shallow bits, from one dull topic to another. I had visions of her accidentally snapping my neck and killing me because she wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing. I didn’t feel comfortable; or happy. But I figured I wouldn’t be judgmental and gave her a chance and continued going to her twice a week for about a month. It was wrong not to trust my intuition because the last day, my lower back was killing me! It took me three days of doing stretches from a You Tube doctor that I trusted before the back pain subsided.
3. He/she seems to have a crush on you. It hasn’t happened in over 10 years, but yes, I did have a chiropractor that had a crush on me. It was uncomfortable and I simply told him I wasn’t going back to him. It’s a shame because he was a great doctor and really helped me.
4. He/she insults you. I think it’s unprofessional for a professional to belittle you. Whether it’s your clothes, weight, or what you look like, this is not cool and none of his or her business. You can always insult them back because of course no one is perfect and we can all say something about each other if we choose to. However, some of us are way too classy to stoop to such a low level. Or we just naturally see only the good in others and would never think to put someone down. But unfortunately, this has happened often over the years. Recently I found an acupuncturist I adored. Then one day she pointed out that one of my eyes were bigger than the other and made a big deal about it. REALLY?! Doesn’t everyone have one eye bigger than the other? I thought this was weird. It couldn’t really count as an insult, but more of an observation. But why make someone feel self-conscious? Also, when I had my first book published, I was very proud and showing practically everyone. Hey, it was my first book! The chiropractor I was using at the time wanted to see the book, so I brought it in to show him. He had the gall to say, “Do you really think this will go anywhere?” I had no answer at the time. It wasn’t a nice thing to say to an aspiring author. His comment put me in a bad mood. Maybe nothing would come out of it? But it DID! That first book had many sales; I got to officiate a wedding for a fan; I was on blog talk radio all over the country, plus regular radio too! I’ve inspired young people to become writers. It led to me becoming a public speaker. I also received royalty checks until the book went out of print (and it’s being sold on Amazon for almost a grand!) I’m now on my fifth book, and it can be purchased in Barnes & Noble. I’ve come a long way since that first self-published book, which went pretty far. And where is that chiropractor? Oh, he moved into a bigger office. Good for him, but he doesn’t have me as a client anymore.
5. Distance. There are acupuncturists and chiropractors (and even massage therapists) out there who I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, but haven’t seen in awhile simply because of distance. Maybe I used them when I had more time to travel. Or maybe I used them while I was working on a project in their area and it was convenient at the time. Or I moved. But for whatever reason, they are no longer in an appropriate distance to me. When you get out of treatment, you shouldn’t be sitting in traffic, or driving far. You should be relaxing.

Do any of these things resonate with your choice in leaving your holistic health care practitioner? Share your stores in the comments section!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

“The Gypsy Smiled” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Gypsy-Smiled-Maryanne-Christiano-Mistretta-ebook/dp/B074VC7MT9

COVID-19 Health & Safety in Health Food Stores

Coconut wrap with avocado. tomato, and arugula 

Yesterday I had a horrible experience in a health food store. The owner sent me an email apologizing, so I won’t “name and shame” but I think it’s important to share my experience in case others have something similar happen to them. And I made a promise to myself to never support them again after what went down.

First, this is MY POLICY…

Beginning today, I am no longer supporting mom and pop “health” food stores who do not respect the boundaries of COVID19. This includes: 1. Cashiers/managers and other workers NOT social distancing. 2. Stores that do not sanitize their carriages; 3. Store that have a “policy” for CUSTOMERS to wear those vinyl/latex gloves because they are unsanitary when used incorrectly; 4. Stores that do not clean their parking lots that are filled with said gloves discarded on the ground.

Now, my bad experience…

There’s a health food store I’ve favored for over a decade. They had everything. Great produce, mineral make-up, toiletries, and perfume that doesn’t test on animals (I’ve used cruelty free products since 1996), and even a great selection of incense.

Two weeks ago, I noticed they had vinyl gloves for customers to wear to shop. These types of gloves never sat well with me. In fact, I think they are disgusting. Nevertheless, I put a pair on and within seconds I was pulling them off because I could feel my sensitive skin reacting to them. I tossed them in the garbage. I shopped, then afterwards I went to my car and noticed these gloves were discarded all over the lot. The store didn’t take care to clean up and put them in the garbage. I found this to be vile and was proud of myself for not participating in the glove thing.

Yesterday I went back to the store and now it was mandatory that customers had to wear gloves. I told a cashier that I couldn’t wear them because last week they made my hands red.

Well, she took it upon herself to come out from behind her cash register and scold me — two feet away from me! Not at all social distancing. Now I was freaking out because I knew this person was a smoker and not in the best of health. Even though I’m very healthy, I didn’t want her to pass it to me, if she had it, then I might pass it to someone else who isn’t very healthy! So not cool.

At this point, I’d also like to say, that this store does not sanitize their carriages. This is something that never bothered me before. I am not a germ phobic, but now with COVID19, I can’t…

Anyway, I told her I was going to contact the owner of the store because she was harassing me. She went nuts and told the manager of the make-up department that I was going to tell on her. What a big baby! The make-up manager wasn’t much better in insisting that I wear the gloves. It made no difference to her when I said I was a professional writer/author and I couldn’t afford to have my hands get red, itchy, or whatever else would happen because two weeks ago I had a bad reaction to the vinyl gloves. Did she give a shit? No. Instead the two women continued to behave like scary, uptight school marms as they went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about “store policy.”

I was like, “forget it,” and left. Without groceries.

Then I called one of their other stores to speak to the owner. He wasn’t there but another manager told me I could go back into the store wearing WINTER GLOVES.

REALLY?! WINTER GLOVES?! That is even more unsanitary! I practically laughed in her face.

I left feeling defeated. It was a 25-minute drive and now I had no groceries for the week. When I got home, I researched and found this wonderful article from Men’s Health: You Shouldn’t Be Wearing Gloves To Go Grocery Shopping

I smiled to myself and posted this on Facebook. A nurse friend said the article is correct. Being right was cool, but it didn’t take away from the drama of being yelled at by two misinformed puppets who seemed to take a sadist delight in ganging up on a friendly, happy, petite, attractive woman. It was an extreme level of catty I haven’t experienced in a long time; from two mean women who were stuck in a go-nowhere job. Perhaps they were pissed that they had to work during the COVID19 pandemic. But that is not my problem. They should take it up with their boss.

The incident took it’s toll on me and I had a headache since last night. This is when I realized, you can’t call a place a health food store when it’s stressing you out, because STRESS IS NOT HEALTHY!

Later that day, my husband took me to Whole Foods. Over the years I had my issues with that store too, but to my surprise, the way they were handing things was impressive. They had customers lined up outside, letting people in as others left. Everyone was politely standing six feet apart. The wait wasn’t bad at all, especially since it was a gorgeous spring day.

Inside some were disobeying the six feet rule, but my immune system is pretty stellar so I wasn’t worried. Especially their mouths were covered with masks and they weren’t scolding me, so no accidental spit was coming out of their mouths like how some people get when they yell.

When I paid, and I am not an Amazon Prime member so I don’t get a discount, my total was 20 percent less than what I usually pay at that mom and pop store. They also carry some brands I like that the other store doesn’t.

So until this pandemic ends and I can go food shopping every day like I used to and support other mom and pop health food stores, I think I’ll be just fine going to Whole Foods as a one-stop shopping place.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

“The Gypsy Smiled” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Gypsy-Smiled-Maryanne-Christiano-Mistretta-ebook/dp/B074VC7MT9

 

 

How to Spot a Scam on Facebook

Before I get into it, first I want to say that both Facebook and Craig’s List are great tools for people who work for themselves. As an author, ghost writer, blogger, editor, and public speaker, I’ve been successfully self-employed since 2008, in part thanks to Facebook and Craig’s List.

From time to time, I’ll post an ad on a Facebook community page seeking work as a ghost writer or editor. I’ve met many clients this way and it gets my name/info out there for referrals.

The other day I was thinking about posting in a local community again and I saw something suspicious. It was an ad offering a large sum of money for a simple task of posting real estate ads on to Craig’s List. After some investigation, I realized it was a scam. A person in real estate “hires” someone to do their busy work posting ads on Craig’s List. But then they don’t pay their hired help for doing the work (which is promised after a two-week period). The person makes all kinds of excuses why they can’t/won’t pay. If you Google “Craig’s List Real Estate Scam” you will find many stories about this scam.

Now, what makes victims fall prey to these scams is that the scam artist will create a beautiful Facebook page. They will steal photos of an attractive, approachable looking woman (or man) and create a fake page, with a fake name. The person will be featured in various photos taken over the years, on glamorous vacations, with a cute pet, with friends or a lover. The punchline is — LOOK CLOSER — there will only be a few “likes” for each photo and hardly any engagement with so-called friends/family. This is the dead giveaway! Do not walk away, RUN!

As we know, the majority of successful people on Facebook have reached their friend limit and engage with their friends/fans/family on a regular basis. For real accounts you’ll see hundreds of comments.

Scam artists can never have enough time to create a seemingly true picture because they are too busy scamming. This particular page I saw was one of the more elaborate ones I’ve seen. Others are the more obvious type of fake with just simply a few photos (of a very good looking female or male) with limited engagement. But those are the types that seem to want fake love and fake relationships, not necessarily money (or your time to work for them at no pay).

With what I already knew, and some further investigation, I exposed a scam artist and he/she was banned from the job hunting community!

It breaks my heart reading real stories about people in vulnerable situations (the one I read yesterday was home bound in a wheel chair) getting scammed.

If you’re self-employed, or seeking work in between jobs, or just need some extra cash, here are ways to avoid being scammed:

1. Ask for a phone number and an email address. Do not EVER work directly from Facebook Messenger and/or Craig’s List addresses.
2. When you get a phone number, call it at least once for any reason. Make up a dumb question. You need to make that verbal connection to know the person is real.
3. Over the years I’ve worked with clients all over the country and in other countries. But I’d suggest if you first start working for yourself, remotely, stay as local as possible. Unless you know for sure the person you’ll be working with is honest and sincere.
4. If you’re asked to create a fake Gmail account — DON’T DO IT! The person can use this to find out your passwords and get information to your other important stuff like bank accounts.
5. Do not provide a social security number over the internet. Only send a W-9 form to a legitimate email address that belongs to a legitimate company/organization.

If you have anti-scam tips or stories you’d like to share, feel free to comment below! 

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

“The Gypsy Smiled” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Gypsy-Smiled-Maryanne-Christiano-Mistretta-ebook/dp/B074VC7MT9

 

Red Flags for Editors and Ghost Writers

I’ve been self-employed as an editor and ghost writer since 2009. It’s been a wonderful journey. I’ve worked with some amazing people, who I remain friends with to this day. The written word is such a beautiful thing. Editing a book is as relaxing as doing a puzzle. It just doesn’t feel like “work” to me!

But there is work involved. The three steps are: 1. Finding potential clients; 2. Convincing them to work with you; and 3. The third step, not many think about–but should! Interviewing the client and deciding, do you want to work with them? Back in 2013, I wrote an article, The Four Types of Clients You’ll Encounter (https://maryannemistretta.wordpress.com/2013/03/20/the-four-types-of-clients-youll-encounter/) and it still holds true today.

In the article, right off the bat I mention that bending over backward for each client is a big mistake. If you read the article you will understand why. In this blog, today, I’m sharing some of the red flags that will tell you, “DO NOT GET INVOLVED!”

When we’re working for ourselves, we may have a great run of clients. Things are going along so well, what could possible go happen? This is when they “get us.” When we least expect it. Someone comes along with little experience in the publishing world, thinks they know everything, and acts like they have you by the balls because they have money. WRONG!

1. The first red flag to say “no” is when someone is not respectful of your time. If you have an appointment to meet with someone and they don’t show up, it’s bad news. (Note, cancelling last minute is okay, because shit happens, and at least they had the decency to call. But if you have to chase someone down for a phone call or an email–BEWARE!)

Here’s an example of what happened to me just today…

I had an appointment at noon for a phone meeting, which was set up by an Assistant to the Writer. Prior to this phone meeting the Assistant said I was in the Top 3 for candidates. Looking good, right? The day before, I called the Assistant to confirm the phone meeting. All was well.

Today, 12:15, no call from Writer. … Which brings me to #2…

2. The second red flag to say “no” to a client is when they use patronizing speech towards you. Next, I called the Assistant, asking “What happened?” Like a child, he got defensive. He went off on me like a raving lunatic, defending the Writer. He was nasty towards me and said I was acting “desperate.”

WTF? Acting “desperate” because I wanted to know why the Writer didn’t keep his appointment? That’s not about desperation, that’s about respect. Was I supposed to wait by the phone all day long (and diss my other clients?!)  Who is the professional here? I believe it was me. I was waiting for a phone call that never happened.

I showed up. They screwed up. TWICE.

As soon as someone uses condescending words towards me, I call it a day. I simply said, “Never mind, I am not interested.” I hung up without giving him a chance to respond. If someone shows their true colors even before the first phone meeting, it’s only downhill from there. I never got a chance to talk to the writer. Which brings me to #3…

3. When assisting a person in writing a book, it’s best to work one-on-one. If there are more people involved, it gets sticky. There are too many personality conflicts. This happened to me very early in my ghost writing career. I was helping an elderly woman write a children’s book. She hired an illustrator that didn’t see eye-to-eye with me–and was downright nasty whenever I disagreed with her. (She couldn’t take constructive criticism and everything had to be her way).

I’m self-employed because I chose to leave the corporate world in order to avoid the stress of petty personality conflicts. Yet, here was this girl behaving like a child.

When accepting a job, be sure you know upfront who else is going to be involved–including assistants!

4. The final red flag is when a client is notorious for ripping people off. Boy, was I blind-sided by this one! A few weeks ago I was helping a girl write a book about coming to NYC, from another state, on a limited budget. While working with this woman, she shared many stories about hopping from loft to loft because she could never make rent. (The punchline is she felt she was entitled to skip rent because she was down on her luck and the tenants were being unfair!!) As a positive person, it never dawned on me that she was still doing the same thing years later. I was under the impression she was now a successful entrepreneur. Next thing I know, we have a phone session and then she stiffs me for money afterwards. She finally paid me and I told her it was best we part ways.

Now, money is not a big deal for me. When I work with clients, I give them freebies all the time. Free hours for their birthdays and Christmas. I give a $50 referral fee to anyone who brings me business. I direct my clients to publishers, places to do book signings, and help them promote their books. When someone hires me, they have a winner! In fact, 90 percent of the people I work with tell me they “love” me!

When you have a great ghost writer/editor and client relationship, the results are pure magic! A book that looks beautiful because you hired someone who has 20+ years experience. A book that is edited and proofread with no mistakes on the main pages (the cover, the back cover, the special thanks section, the dedication). And a book that is up on Amazon, so you can make money (royalty checks) while you sleep!

Is this something you want? Hire a professional today!

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing. She is also available for book signings and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books :

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: 10 Ways to Become Your Own Hero” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback or Kindle version, visit: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Extra-Ordinary-Ways-Become/dp/1733546227

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your paperback, Kindle or audio copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

 

Overnight Success Is Not a Real Thing

Is it business or monkey business? 

During my years as a journalist, people contacted me to publicize themselves. (Or just for a great story in general). It was a dream come true writing about bands (both famous and up and coming). I shared the story many times about how I interviewed The Jonas Brothers before they were a household name.  Those years were an amazing run in my life.

Then I started getting into writing books. And public speaking.

All of a sudden, publicists were coming out of the woodwork wanting to make me a “star.” Five years later, none of them impressed me.

Finding a good manager/publicist is like figuring out who to give your virginity too. It may take a long time. It may not happen at all. But whatever the case, don’t just give money to anyone.

I didn’t settle for love and ended up with a very happy marriage. So, why should I settle for a publicist/manager? In the end, I want it all — including a dream publicist/manager!

My goal in finding one would be:

1. Someone who doesn’t lead with money. When someone (like the last scam artist) suggested that I create a Go Fund Me page in order to use her $7K per month services, I ripped her. I told her, if I was interested, I’d pay CASH in PAYPAL. And that Go Fund Me pages are to support those in real need, like people with cancer or hurt animals … Not publicists. Her plea of desperation for money was a major red flag. She spoke about money before she spoke about what she could do for me. Our phone consult lasted a mere five minutes while she put me on hold several times to talk to her friends at the restaurant. How can you ask for money when you barely spoke to someone? She didn’t even purchase one of my books, so how could she promote me? SCAM ARTIST ALERT! Another one said he could get me to warm up for Tony Robbins if I paid him $50K. He said Tony Robbins always wants him to be his opening motivational speaker act, but he’s too busy with his own stuff. I researched, and asked around. Nothing told me there was any truth in this man working with Tony Robbins.
2. Someone who believes in me. Several years ago I exhausted myself interviewing potential managers. During one interview, a retired guy said, “Are you any good?” I ended the interview quickly. Why? Because he didn’t do his homework before the interview. If he read my newsletters and saw that I was consistently working for myself since 2009, he’d KNOW I was good. To me, being at the top and not lasting isn’t a good thing. But being somewhere in the middle and having longevity IS! I interviewed a woman who was putting me down while wanting the job. It reminded me of the “Sex and the City” movie when Carrie Bradshaw is interviewing potential assistants and asks, “So, why do you want this job?” It’s mind-blowing that people would want to work for you, but don’t get you. It makes no sense and is sure to go nowhere fast.
3. Someone with a great track record. Yes, I know a few people like this. They are so good they don’t have time to work with me — yet! I say YET in high hopes that someday these women/men may have a window of opportunity for me. This could be another pipe dream–kind of like how some women wait for their dream guy to divorce his beautiful wife. But when you have in mind something special, it will manifest. It always does. Just don’t force it.

The thing is, when it comes to publicity, just like anything else that is good, stable, and successful, I say, do not rush your muse. Cherish your precious creative talents like you would your body and soul. Do not give them up to just anybody.

What you have is a GIFT from God and the Universe. Slow and steady is the key. Overnight success is not a real thing.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.

She is available for blogging, ghost writing, writing, and motivational speaking engagements. She is the author of the following books:

“Be (Extra)Ordinary: Ten Ways to Become Your Own Hero” will be available October 2019. To pre-order, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

“I Don’t Want to Be Like You” is available on Amazon. To get your copy, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

 

Why I Left Young Living

Perhaps “left” is a strong word. I didn’t exactly “leave” Young Living. I just decided to forfeit my status as a Young Living Star and save $100+ per month.

When I was first exposed to Young Living oils,  it wasn’t a bad thing. I loved the oils. And I still do. For four years I was excited to try various oils each month as well their soaps and body lotions, which are incredible.

Sales is not my forte, but I did manage to get a few people on my down line simply by speaking, organically about the oils and products in passing. I had a decent run of receiving small checks each month as well as free product for accumulating reward points.

There were times when I had a full bathroom cupboard stocked with about four YL toothpastes, five soaps, and three body lotions. In my kitchen cupboard were over 20 oils from their Vitality line that I’d never use in food because they are way too potent. Honestly, I’d rather use fresh herbs as spices than Young Living oils. And while some oils are great to use to help you get over certain ailments, hey, I’m a very healthy person. So, to be honest, I rarely use Young Living oils for my health! And, finally, there was all the stuff I’d never try–stuff I just wasn’t interested in. Currently, I have some favorite oils that I use as perfumes, but they are definitely going to last for at least the next 10 months.

When I gave up my Star status, and forfeited my Essential Rewards and the ability to get a check each month, which had now dwindled because the people on my down line who purchased the most had also left, I stayed on board because as I said, I do like their stuff. But four months later, there must be close to 100 bottles of oils in my house that I rarely use! When I thought about their fabulous body lotions, I signed in to get some for the winter. Then realized, there are body lotions by other companies that are just as clean and smell just as lovely, but cheaper.  I didn’t order anything. But who knows if I will in the future? As of now, I’m just not feeling it.

But, then, the biggest reason of all–Young Living is not my passion or my dream job.

When it comes to work, there are two things–and two things only–that I am passionate about. That’s writing and public speaking. I’ve been incredibly blessed that I’ve been able to make a living as a writer since 1995. Not that many people are as fortunate. For me to give up writing and public speaking, to invest in Young Living full time would be like Cher doing  infomercials; a total waste of talent!

Why on earth would I want to sell oils when I could be (and am!) writing books?! It just doesn’t make sense, right?

For years, in the business world, people have been saying, “Do what you love and you never work a day in your life.” Well, that’s me, especially since I ditched Young Living.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is a motivational speaker and the author of “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” which addresses her experiences with being bullied. You can order the book from Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Be-Like-You/dp/1726273261

Her next book “BeExtraordinary” will be published in October 2019 by KiCam. To pre-order or visit the landing page, go here: https://kicamprojects.com/shop/be-extraordinary/

To book Maryanne for a speaking engagement, contact her at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Not My Little Darlings!!!

UGLY = Delusional Moms and their Unruly Brats

Yesterday was a most gorgeous autumn day in New Jersey. I was so psyched I was going to meet a very good friend for lunch.

I had to make a quick stop in a local store. As I made my way to the cash register, a child, about 9-years-old, old enough to know better, pushed me. I said nothing — until her older sister, about 12 pushed me.

I said, politely, “Girls, you don’t push people, you say, ‘Excuse me.'”

They both gave me ugly dirty looks.

Then, the crazy psycho mother appeared out of nowhere — a 5’11” beast, all red-faced and bulging eyes. She screamed at me, “DO NOT YELL AT MY DAUGHTERS!”

I said, politely, “I did not yell at them. I just said to say, ‘Excuse me’ and not push people.”

Then, again, she screamed, “DO NOT YELL AT MY DAUGHTER!” This time she was pointing her fat finger in my face. At 5’3″ and under 125 pounds, I was terrified this crazy bitch was going to attack me.

She continued, “THEY ARE LITTLE GIRLS!!!!!” (Uh, no, they are not “little girls” — little girls mean 2, 3, 4, 5 — not 8, 9, 10, 11, 12! They were prancing around the store with pony tails and ombre-colored hair — that is well beyond the “little girl” stage, me-thinks! They were just spoiled silly and didn’t want anyone to get in their way — they wanted what they wanted NOW. So typical of how many children today are raised. Ew, just EW!)

But you can’t argue with bat shit crazy. I simply said, “That’s it, I’m calling the cops.”

I left my purchase at the register, left that store, walked into another store and said to the cashier, “Get the cops on the phone.”

A cop soon came, and a male customer came out of the first store to defend me — he saw all that went down. He told the cop that the lunatic over-reacted — and that she was a lot bigger than I was.

Of course the cop couldn’t do anything because the woman didn’t attack me — thank God, thank Buddha, thank the universe. Though somewhere along the line, there needs to be a law about people pointing their fat fingers in your face; as that definitely says “threat” to me!

When I went back to the store to pay for my purchase, the cashier was saying how crazy that woman was. I said, “Yes, it’s not like her children were babies, they should have known better.”

I am not a mother but I am no stranger to well-behaved children. I used to babysit a little girl named Claire, when she was 8, until she was 9. I’ve been to many stores with her, and she never pushed adults. Not once did I have to discipline that child in public. And on the rare occasions I did have to be an adult and tell her what to do — she listened! And her parents were always respectful of my judgement. NEVER, EVER a problem!

So shame on that parent — or any parent — with that sort of attitude that their little darlings can do no wrong. It is never right to have your kids running through a store like it’s a playground– and pushing people like they are a piece of garbage.

So, while I was checking out, a woman standing next to me totally got it. She said, “I told my 23-year-old son, ‘Don’t let me be a disciplinary grandmother when you have kids. Bring your children up with respect — don’t let me do it for you!'”

Right on!

Parents definitely need to take responsibility for the wrong-doings of their little brats. Just suck it up — your child is not perfect! Be a parent to your kids and do the right thing. And if that is your energy on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, I feel very sorry for you — and the future of your children.

Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is the author of “On the Guest List: Adventures of a Music Journalist” available on Amazon in paperback version only: https://www.amazon.com/Guest-List-Adventures-Music-Journalist/dp/162903908X

To Say “Don’t Judge” IS Judging

I’ve noted in the past how much modern lingo annoys me, which is why I love watching television shows from the 1990s like “Beverly Hills 90210” and “Melrose Place” — the last time English language really was hip.

Over the past year, maybe a little longer, I’ve been hearing a phrase that makes me cringe: “Don’t judge.”

Other writers friends have agreed with me that it’s just so condescending. Oftentimes I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Because in this day and age of everyone being in competition with each other, you are just not allowed to speak freely of what annoys you or it’s translated as “judging.”

The first time I heard this phrase, a client was sharing a quality about herself that wasn’t too attractive. And immediately afterwards said, “Don’t judge.”

I immediately felt belittled. (And as I always say, “To belittle is to BE LITTLE.” But a lot of people still have to learn this.) What did I do? I didn’t say anything? And who the hell are you to assume I’d be judging you?

I am the most open-minded person in the world and freely accept people as they are, as long as they are not breaking the law or hurting others — or themselves. I’ve always been of the live and let live mindset, which is probably why so many people share their secrets with me. They know that I understand that people make mistakes and that life isn’t always a bed of roses.

But if someone thinks of me as a friend and asks my opinion — he or she is going to get it. There are things I feel strongly about and the biggest one is to not put yourself in a complicated situation. That is when you definitely make your own misery.

For instance, if a woman wants true love and keeps dating someone who is obviously unavailable, I will tell her that she’s making a big mistake and wasting her life. Or if someone comes to me asking for my permission to cheat while they are in an unhappy marriage, I’m sorry, you’re not going to get it. Get out of your unhappy marriage first. Then you can do whatever you please.

It’s not a matter of morals, but a matter of common sense.

And if someone wants to “judge” me for what they feel is “judging” then it’s the pot calling the kettle black.

Can we please go back to having heart-to-heart discussions where we can learn and grow from each other without using hipster cliches like, “Don’t judge.” If someone is sharing something with you, hear him/her out first. Maybe you’ll learn something if you, yourself, “don’t judge.”

Snob

A few years back, I was having dinner at Nobu Next Door. Mind you, I’m not a fan of foo foo restaurants – I prefer a home-cooked meal or the ambience of a super cool retro diner with a waitress of a certain age chewing gum and calling you “honey. But since a friend wanted to go badly, I went.

So there I was at that over-rated Nobu Next Door and seated at a nearby table is an overweight obnoxious guy in his 40s (which seemed so old at the time since I was still in my 30s) and he was with two badly plastic faced aging models.

At the top of his lungs, he kept bragging about “MY HOME IN THE HAMPTONS!”

He must have referred to his “home in the Hamptons” at least six times during the course of his meal. (And mind you, I’ve been to the Hamptons too — no great shakes).

Anyone who has been to Nobu Next Door knows how tight the place is. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I accidentally knocked over my bottle of sake. The Hamptons guy stops bragging about his home in the Hamptons and says to me, “You are very entertaining.”

I looked him right in the eye and said, “Then you must have a very boring life!”

He didn’t know what to say.

I won.

Ha-ha.

The End.