Corpse Bride

Published August 29, 2012 by Maryanne

I feel guilty and please God forgive me!

I’m a good person with a big heart. I’m all for happy endings. For the most part, I don’t make fun of people. I don’t gossip. I don’t laugh at people’s misfortunes. I love animals. And I’m so sentimental even a parade can make me cry.

I don’t like to hear anything bad happen to anyone. It truly does break my heart.

BUT I GOTTA BE HONEST …

My first reaction to the story about the Canadian bride getting water-logged and drowning to her death after going in the water wearing her wedding gown as she participated in a dumb tradition called “Trash the Dress” was LAUGHTER.

First of all, I call this tradition “DUMB” because it’s attention-seeking-keeping-up-with-the-joneses-narcissistic bullshit. Women feel they will never wear the dress again, so they try to do something they consider “artsy” with the dress and have it photographed.

This isn’t something I consider cool or admirable.

If you’re not going to ever wear a dress again that costs thousands of dollars, I have a ton of ideas for you. Why not give the dress to someone less fortunate? Why not sell the dress and give the money to cancer research? Why not SAVE the dress to remember your special day? Hell, I merely eloped and I’m saving my wedding outfit, including the shoes!

The dumb feat is so “me” — not “we” — oriented. A woman who got married just a few months ago should be floating on air  because of the attention she gets from her husband. She shouldn’t be doing childish things that beg for attention. Can we say “insecure”?

I question the security of half these marriages.

And getting rid of a very expensive dress is a slap in the face to the person who paid for the dress. What do all the mothers of the brides think about this “tradition” — I’d love to know.

As a middle-aged fool who now gets choked up and cries about almost anything, I have to admit I am surprised at my reaction of laughter to this incident. But, c’mon, we all know what happens when material gets wet. This story was just so absurd, the compassion in me took a holiday — which is so rare for a naturally compassionate person. The whole ultra-ridiculousness of it all stroked my funny bone — to the hilt!

Or maybe I’m just laughing at these idiots like I would laugh at the Jersey shore morons, with a roll of the eye and shake of the head.

But I have to admit, there’s another reason I found this story funny.

It reminded me of when I was a little girl. I used to play Batman with my Uncle Duke.

One day while we were playing Batman, Uncle Duke decided to jump in the swimming pool with his “cape” (a large beach towel)  wrapped around his neck.

BATMAN LEAPED OFF THE DIVING BOARD …

INTO THE POOL …

And the heavy wet cape around his neck almost choked him to death as he fought to come back up from under the water!

My poor uncle almost drowned, but what a way to go! It was hysterical!

I guess the moral of this story is, I think common people — both rich and poor —  should just accept that they are mere common people and leave the Jackass attention-grabbing stunts to Johnny Knoxville and Steve O. — who I’m sure will leave us with a damn good laugh too when they kick the bucket via their stunts.

And at least I won’t feel nearly as bad for finding humor in it!

 

 

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9 comments on “Corpse Bride

  • Never heard that story. Strange ritual for sure. I have a wedding dress story. When Lisa moved to Canada from Boston, we had her stuff trucked to a storage unit across the border in MIchigan as they would not cross. As I was transferring her stuff to a U-Haul there was her wedding dress from her previous marriage. I asked her why she was keeping it? I guess she was sentimental, plus she spent $1500 on it. I guess I should toss it out. Here, let me help you I said throwing it over the fence into a muddy ditch ha. It was funny to me for 30 seconds until she made me go get it. She had it cleaned and tried to sell it, but no dice. It ended up being donated along with a bag of her other clothes.

    • Wow, Todd, that is absolutely CRAZY!!!

      You reminded me of a very funny story. One day Dennis was cleaning out his storage facility and he found a pair of women’s jeans. They were his ex-wife’s. He started laughing and said, “She was never this small!”

      I said, “Let me try them on.” They fit perfectly!

      So I said, “Thanks for the pants, Dawn! [his ex]. And thanks for your ex-husband!”

  • Both you guys are hysterical! LOL! I don’t have a wedding dress story but if I spent a lot of money onone and the marriage didn’t work out I might have it cut up into something else or else wear it for Halloween as the Corpse Bride!

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