Such a Small Target … Sigh!

Me, two days ago

See the above picture? That’s me, two days ago.

As you can see, I’m not a wrestler or a football player or a BBW (big beautiful woman) model.

I’m just Maryanne. I’m only 5’3″ and about a size 6. (I KNOW 6 isn’t a size 0, but 6 is still fairly petite).

And for the life of me, I can’t imagine why I can’t go to a supermarket without getting at least five shopping carts shoved into my ass.

Yes, this is true. I’m not trying to be funny. I’m pissed, actually.

Here’s my morning.

I go to Shop Rite for kitty litter because it’s the only brand they’ll use.

BOOM! Slammed by a woman twice my size and weight — while I’m still in the parking lot.

“Thank you,” I said, sarcastically.

“I SAID EXCUSE ME.”

Just because you say, “excuse me” doesn’t make it right. Especially since this happened four more times during my visit which was less than an hour.

Second and third time got hit again and again in the grocery section.

Fourth time a woman hit me and said, “Excuse me.”

I said, “People are rude.”

She said, “I said excuse me.”

I said, “Yeah, but you’re the fourth person who banged into me today. People don’t watch themselves.”

The last straw was when I didn’t move fast enough for an overly anxious old lady at the check-out. Once again a cart was rammed into my ass. Followed by, “Excuse me.”

I lost it.

“YOU CAN WAIT ONE SECOND!” I yelled at her.

“DON’T YELL!” the old biddy yelled back.

Of course I’m going to yell. Wouldn’t you, if you got stumped on FIVE TIMES in a single trip?

I left in a huff and couldn’t wait to eat my Rice Dream ice cream pop. I unwrapped it in the parking lot and for the first time since I was a little kid, tossed the stick on the ground. And also left the shopping cart in an undesirable spot so it would inconvenience someone — anyone. I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but I am so sick of people and their selfish ways.

I know I’m small, but I’m not microscopic. I’m also not a slow poke. I move at a reasonable rate. Faster than the people who bang their carts into me, push me out of their way and then move like turtles. Makes no sense.

Had I been a man, or a larger woman, this would not happen. My husband doesn’t get it either. In fact he was the first one who said, “You’re such a small target.”

One time, years ago, I was in Whole Foods and a midget who worked there was running around the store, carrying a large box. She ran right into my stomach and I almost fell over in pain. I was asked by a manager if I needed to go to the hospital. I said “no” but I remember that hard hit like it was yesterday.

People — don’t be so oblivious to your surroundings! Honestly, I don’t know how some people function in the real world.

If you jam your cart into someone’s ass, have a little more cuth than just saying, “Excuse me.” It would be nicer to hear, “Oh, my God, I am so sorry, I wasn’t being careful. Are you okay?”

Because “excuse me” just doesn’t cut it.

“Excuse me” is not a get out of jail free card. “Excuse me” means that I’m going to think of you as an impatient asshole. “Excuse me” says you have no life because you have to rush to wherever you’re going too — no one wants to wait for you because you’re not worth it. “Excuse me” means you do not know how to stop and smell the roses.

So, get it people?! “Excuse me” is lame!

Own up to the fact that you were a jerk and give a semi-decent apology. Make the world a better place to live instead of a worse one. This is really getting exhausting, people! Can you please go back to school and learn some CLASS and manners?!