My mom
This is the first Mother’s Day without Mommy, who died last year on June 10.
It’s been a rough year without her. Many times I think I want to call her then realize I can’t.
Recently on Facebook, AARP asked the question, “What is the best lesson your mother taught you?”
I said, not to be jealous. When I was a little girl she said to me, “If someone has something you want, don’t be jealous of them, be happy for them.”
It was great advice and it worked because I’m not a jealous person. I’m everyone’s greatest cheerleader. My favorite story was when I worked at Montclair Times. One of the writers told me she worked really hard all week because her husband took her to Paris for Valentine’s Day weekend. She added, “You’re the only one I told because I knew you’d be happy for me, and not jealous.”
She was absolutely right. It’s just not in my nature because my mother’s wisdom, when she was a young mom, stuck in my head. And it’s a beautiful way to live. More free and innocent.
Over the years, she wasn’t the best mom. She wasn’t always there for me, and I lived with my grandmother most of my life. We fought A LOT. We also went a few years without speaking to each other.
The last day I had a really nice time with my mom was a year ago on Mother’s Day. She was in the hospital, but we were joking around. I share a bit of her sense of humor, privately, with a fellow blogger, Iseult Murphy. That’s one thing my mother and I had in common, our humor.
The next two times I saw her, in the hospital, she was not good and I knew the end was near.
This is another favorite picture. It’s us in the late 1980s. We’re both very much into metaphysics — and we were into it before it was a “thing.” This photo was taken after we went to a lecture, then out to eat. Today, it dawned on me, I’m first on the band wagon for a lot of things, thanks to my mom. She read all the time. I’m a reader too. An explorer. A researcher.
It’s sad that my mom was insecure and she didn’t realize nearly how great she was. I think that’s why we were often at odds. I don’t get along with insecure people. Life’s too short for that nonsense. In later years I realized the best way to get along with her was to laugh together. That worked because we both thought the same things were funny.
And here’s another favorite photo of us. It was during the pandemic and my sister and I took her on a shopping spree for her birthday. Look how her eyes are smiling!
And this was the day my husband took us to Peddler’s Village in Pennsylvania. That’s my mom’s beloved dog, Fawn. She got Fawn after my grandmother died in 1995. Fawn lived 15 years. They were constant companions.
And in these last photos, to the left, Mommy with me as a baby; and to the right, my mother with me (long hair) and my sister when we were flower girls in my cousin Sandy’s wedding.
My mom went from the hot mom that everyone had a crush on, to a sweet old lady who loved sitting outside and feeding the squirrels. Always loving Elvis (and Tom Jones, and Barbra Streisand in her earlier years), a great sense of humor, and the biggest laugh.
She’s very missed, today and everyday. But I often see signs, she’s around for sure!
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Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker. She can be reached at: maryannechristiano@gmail.com.
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